Coming Out As Asexual/Aspec
Pairings: Javier Pena x reader, Marcus Pike x reader, Din Djarin x reader, Ezra x reader, Frankie Morales x reader
Word count: 2.3K (oops)
Warnings: discussions of sexuality, depictions of main characters as Aspec
A/n: I apologize these were meant to be head canons and a few of them wound up turning into mini fics. I would like to thank @dishonouringmycow for supplying many ideas and helping me concoct these for you and @kiss-evans for her insight as well. These were a lot of fun to write! We’ve written these HCs in hopes that they will be inclusive and relatable to most ace/demi-/greysexual folks and anyone in between. We hope you like them!
[masterlist]
Javier Peña
Telling Javi is a little tricky.
Given the time period, and the fact that asexuality was hardly a word let alone a widely accepted concept, Javier didn’t stand a chance when you went about explaining to him your “unconventional” relationship with sexual attraction.
You didn’t even fully understand it yourself at that point which is why you were terrified when you felt you owed him an explanation for turning him down.
You and Javi had been dancing around each other since pretty much the moment you landed in Bogata.
You knew you cared about him more than the average coworker and Steve didn’t hesitate to tease either of you mercilessly for it with every chance he got.
But there was a reason you had been avoiding acting on those feelings you harboured for him and a reason you were so terrified when he reciprocated them.
Silence overwhelms the small stakeout vehicle when you tell him.
He doesn’t get it.
“Oh.”
The disappointment that pours off of him is palpable.
This really wasn’t the reaction he was expecting to the heartfelt confession he had mustered up the courage for only moments ago.
“Javi,” You sigh, “It’s not like that. It’s not personal. I don’t feel attracted to anyone that way.” You reiterate but he still seems convinced that this is just an elaborate attempt to spare his feelings.
“You don’t have to do that, you know? You don’t have to let me down easy.”
“That’s not what this is. I really just don’t operate that way.”
You had seen the girls coming and going from his apartment across the hall. You knew how he chose to blow off steam after stressful days at work and you knew you couldn’t keep up with that.
“I don’t think I can be there for you like you want me to.”
It takes a moment for it to dawn on him what you mean and you think he finally takes the hint when another ‘oh’ escapes him.
“I don’t need-“ He starts up but cuts himself off when you give him a pointed look.
“I really, really wanted this to work.” He says after what feels like hours of you discussing all the reasons you would wind up resenting each other if you went down that path. All the fears you had of starting something up with him.
“Me too.” You hum solemnly when you deflate to lean into his side and rest your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
He’s quick to shake his head and whisper a quiet “Don’t apologize.” When he wraps an arm around you and places a kiss to the top of your head.
You both walk away from that stakeout with heavy hearts but lighter shoulders and although it takes some time to heal you learn to show how much you care about each other in different ways.
Now he slings an arm around your shoulders when you’re getting unwanted attention on a night out.
You stay up drinking with him so he doesn’t have to brood alone after a particularly tiring day.
Soft touches and reassuring words come easier between you two.
Most importantly you’re both happy and you haven’t lost each other.
Marcus Pike
Marcus is a little less clueless.
He knows Asexuality exists and has a vague sense of what it is, he just doesn’t know a whole lot about it.
There’s not much pressure when you tell him.
It comes as a bit of a disclaimer early in your relationship and you try not to make a big deal of it. You just want to make sure that he’s aware as your relationship progresses.
Marcus, ever the sweet and compassionate boyfriend is attentive and understanding as you speak.
The words that seem to stick out in his mind come at the only point when the slightest bit of doubt weens it’s way into your voice, “I just wanted to make sure that that’s- that I’m enough for you.”
His heart stops and he’s overcome by a feeling of both shock and sorrow that you could ever think such a thing of yourself.
“Of course. Of course, you’re enough.”
“You’re more than enough. You’re… you’re everything.”
What you don’t see is the way that after this conversation he finds himself wracking up more and more questions that he’s too scared to ask you. Not because he’s afraid of the answer but because he doesn’t want to overstep or make you uncomfortable.
So naturally, he turns to the next best thing.
The internet.
What he fails to realize is how broad a spectrum of asexuality there is and all he gets is more and more confused.
Marcus accidentally develops a following on Aspec Reddit forums for trying to ask people questions and them all just going “aww, Hun” at this poor clueless bean and swooning over how much he cares about you.
Despite the enthusiasm and volume of their responses, they don’t really add much clarity beyond “Hey, maybe you should ask your SO”
Instead, he runs around treating you like glass while he tries to buck up the courage to actually talk to you about it until on a movie night as he awkwardly tries to contort himself around you so he’s cuddling you… without touching you, you finally snap.
“Marcus! What is going on?”
That’s when he finally and rather sheepishly admits that he wants you to tell him more about your sexuality.
“Oh.”
You pause the movie and give him your full attention as you try and talk him through as much as you’re able to explain until suddenly you’re stuck for an answer and you look up at him with rather watery eyes as you admit you have no idea and suddenly you’re the one having the existential crisis.
“Oh, oh no. It’s alright, we can figure it out together! Shhh, it’s all fine. Please don’t cry! Reddit didn’t tell me this would happen!”
“Who-ddit?”
Din Djarin
Coming out to Din is rather anticlimactic.
He doesn’t have much to say beyond “Okay.”
You’re a little confused at first.
That went… too well.
It’s a while later when he brings it up again that you begin to realize why.
There’s no hesitation or taboo, he’s quite straight forward when he asks why you were so nervous.
At first, you’re not so sure what to say. Wasn’t that kind of obvious?
“Not everyone takes it so well.” You shrug thinking back to past relationships where your partners seemed to expect you to give them more than you were willing to.
You could practically see the gears turning behind his visor and it’s only now that you connect the dots and his reaction from before seems to add up.
To him, that was the norm.
It makes sense the more you think about it.
In all the time you had spent travelling with him, all the objectively beautiful women, men and everyone else in between that had crossed your paths, all the slurs that had been thrown at him by drunkards in cantinas about how he fucks with all that armour on, all the rather compromising situations you had found yourself in with him before and you had never caught his gaze wander or heard him express any indication of interest in yourself or anyone in that way.
You had always put it down to his creed. As far as you were aware such things were forbidden for people of his faith but you’re left with an odd sense of comfort as you realized that wasn’t the case.
Perhaps this was his strange little way of letting you know you weren’t alone.
Ezra
When you met Ezra you were prepared for the worst.
A guy as cocky and loquacious as him and you just trying to keep your head down in the busy bar and enjoy your drink in peace after a rough day.
You didn’t have high hopes when he swung into the booth across from you and started down whatever elaborate story he had decided would impress you enough to get you into bed.
“It’s my missing appendage, isn’t it?” he asks when you quite clearly don’t bite.
He’s already moving to leave you be when your eyebrows knit together in confusion and your eyes blow wide as you’re hit with a sudden wave of guilt.
You had grown used to deflecting advances like this but something about the way he said it, the bold, charismatic man suddenly looking like a kicked puppy made your guts churn.
You didn’t normally give an explanation, you didn’t feel you owed anyone that, especially not a stranger and yet here you were.
“What? No! No, I actually think you’re very good looking and charming and all those things people look for in a partner, I’m just not particularly one for casual hookups.” You say looking around the room where you now felt wildly out of place with just about all of its inhabitants presumably looking to get laid or trying to forget someone they couldn’t do so with.
“...Or any hookups really.” You correct yourself and watch as the disappointed look on his face morphs into a glint of curiosity.
“You a uh- a spade?” He asks resettling into the booth, an oblivious smile settling on his cheeks when you laugh at him.
You spend until last-call deeply enthralled in conversation and comforted by one another’s company.
That’s all either of you were here for in the first place, to feel a little less lonely.
You’re only pried apart by the closing of the bar, the nag of sleep hot on your heels and the promise that this wouldn’t be the last you saw of each other.
Frankie Morales
Frankie knew you were asexual.
You had told him before, he just didn’t entirely understand what that meant until much later on.
He seemed familiar with the term but his knowledge of the concept didn’t seem to extend beyond a basic definition.
Frankie’s first wife was his first for a lot of things. First girlfriend, first kiss, first love, first lover, first breakup.
He took the divorce pretty hard, as anyone would.
They’d gotten married so young, before he was deployed, that the guys had never seen him single before and neither had he really.
It took a long time for him to recover and by then he was content. ‘not in a particularly big rush to start down the relationship path and get hurt again’ is how he had phrased it to you once in confidence.
But another factor that he failed to recognize fully at the time was that he just hadn’t found anyone he was interested in in that way.
He’d tried going on a couple of dates but none of them clicked and it just left him feeling more alone.
It was after Tom died, almost five years after his divorce that the guys finally called him on it.
At first they just assumed the way he had been acting was about Tom and in a sense it was, Tom was the only one who had been through a divorce before, he was the only one who really understood and talked him through it when the going got tough.
Will was the one to put the pieces together and realize that the issue wasn’t Tom so much as Frankie getting more and more tired of being on his own.
His intentions were well meaning. They were just trying to help.
All they wanted was to see him happy but the more the boys seemed to try and set him up, the more resistance they were met with and even Frankie couldn’t figure out why until he was sat, venting to you about it one night.
“How did you know you were ace?” He blurts out suddenly and you’re a little lost for words, you weren’t really expecting this conversation to go this way but it was obviously something he had been considering for a while.
“Sorry that wasn’t a fair question,” He says when he notices you’re struggling, “I just- they keep trying to set me up with, who I’m sure are some really great people, but it’s all on this little tiny screen and all you see are a couple photos and maybe a blurb if you’re lucky and there’s just no…”
“Connection?” You suggest. Those big puppy eyes shoot up to you from where they were fixed on the counter in front of him and he gives you a slight nod.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He sighs and your heart breaks a little looking at him like that before you round the counter and pull him into a hug. “I’ve felt attraction before but I look at the guys and it feels like it takes so much more for me to get to that point than them.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” You assure him gently, brushing your fingers through his hair when you pull away to give him a reassuring smile. “Sounds like you could be on the asexuality spectrum.”
“There’s a spectrum?”
[masterlist]
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