buzzcut season
"they try to tell us all that we will loose"
Logan watched as Auggie submerged his head under water. Both Americans decided to head to the hotel pool, needing time to unwind after a daunting session. It was a simple mistake really. A mistake that could have costed Logan his life.
The image of Logan's car catching on fire had seared itself in his brain. It was as if he could feel the fire creeping up on him, his skin burning and his body being enveloped by the scorching heat. Being in the pool couldn't even cool down his body. His lungs burning from staying under water longer than necessary. He swam up and gasped for air as he wiped his face. He looked at Logan concerned. Whatever Auggie was feeling wasn't even a quarter of what Logan was feeling.
Things haven't been easy for the Americans. Auggie's rookie season has been relatively decent. Besides the constant hate he receives and his declining mental health, everything was good. No podiums or wins yet, but he was having a better season than Logan. The Williams car was just not good. In Auggie's words, it was absolute shit. And it was known that Logan wasn't driving the same car as Alex. For one, it was overweight and consisted of parts from last season. However, everyone seems to overlook that major detail. Instead, they rather drag Logan through the mud. Questioning whether he deserves to be in Formula 1.
Auggie ran his finger through his hair. It's longer now. He's been thinking about buzzing his hair again. He hasn't done that since he was in IMSA and WEC.
"I wanna buzz my hair." Logan gave Auggie a confused look, "Why? You look good with your hair like that." Auggie smiled and shrugged, "There's this saying in my family, 'hair holds memories' and I think now is a good time as any to let go of them." Logan gave Auggie a thoughtful look. He's never seen it that way.
Not long after, Logan was watching Auggie's reflection in the mirror. Auggie looked different with a buzzcut. Not bad, but just different. He noticed that Auggie didn't have that heavy weight on his chest anymore. It sort of looked as if Auggie was…free from all that burden he was carrying. Auggie stood taller too, well, as tall as he could at 5'4.
Logan had no idea that Auggie knew how to cut hair, let alone buzz it and actually make it look good. Logan in all his life has only buzzed his hair once and that didn't turn out as well as he hoped. He had to have his mom fix it up.
The more he thought about it, the more Auggie's words had struck him. 'Hair holds memories'. Maybe he should buzz his hair again? He wouldn't look bad, and he's sure Alex wouldn't mind. He just wanted to let go of these bad memories.
"Can you do mine next?"
Auggie turned to Logan confused, "You want to cut your hair?"
Logan nods, a determined look on his face. "Yeah, I want to buzz it." Auggie tilt his head to the side, a look of understanding painted his face, a faint smile on his lips.
"Sit," Auggie pats the chair he was previously sitting on. Logan's movements were slow, hesitant in a way. Or maybe that was just how Logan moves now. Hesitant, very unsure of himself, no conviction or determination.
It was something Auggie noticed just a few weeks after he met Logan. He's seen the videos, the clips, the races, he's seen how different it was. He followed Logan's career very closely. Before Logan was confident and sure of himself, even at young age. He wasn't cocky, but he knew how to stand his ground. Maybe it was because of the points and podiums. Or maybe it was because Logan had a support system that wasn't just his family.
Now, Logan is just a shell of the person he once was. He hesitated, he was unsure of himself. It was like every single decision Logan made was an overthought. He no longer trusted his gut, his instincts, because every move he decided to make was always questioned. And it infuriated him. Having to second guess anything was not Logan. Logan didn't do hesitation, he didn't overthink or second guess, and he wasn't fragile. But that was the old Logan.
"If you're not comfortable with a buzz, I can probably do a fade," Auggie looks at Logan through the mirror. "I haven't done a fade on someone else in a while, but I think I'm pretty good." Logan lets out a breathy laugh and shakes his head, "No, i want to buzz it." Auggie nods, picking up the clippers.
Auggie sees Logan zone out as he starts shaving the blonde's hair. The buzzing of the clippers filling Logan's brain like static. Auggie handles him with gentle hands. He could tell that Logan wasn't all that there. And that's the truth. Logan just stared at the ground thinking about his disastrous practice session earlier. However, he didn't stop there. Every single bad race result filled his mind. Miami, Australia, fucking hell, especially Australia. The disappointing look James and his team wore every time he got back to the garage. The cruel words on social media. Logan honestly can't remember the last time he felt so tired.
But there was still light.
Before it was just Alex. The Thai driver guiding him out the dark tunnel. Dating his teammate might have no been the smartest choice he's made in all his twenty-three years of living, but it was the best decision of his life, sue him. His boyfriend of a year and some months. And now Auggie was in his life.
Auggie Amor, the kid who reminded Logan of home. Even if Auggie was from California and not Florida. Auggie looked up to Logan. He didn't see Logan as the failure, but as a hero. His hero. Auggie admired Logan. And Logan adored Auggie. Both Americans finding comfort and peace in one another.
Logan loved Auggie as if he were his own child. He took care of the boy like his life depended on it. Hell, he's even legally considered Auggie's guardian. Auggie was a special kid, and Logan knew that from the get-go.
He can remember when he first met the kid. It was preseason testing, and the boy was very quiet, like he didn't know if he was allowed to take up space. Auggie stuck close to Lance and his own team. Again, very quiet. Though his personality did shine a lot while filming. He was more himself in front of a camera. Logan found out later on it was because media was the only time Auggie felt like he can be a kid.
He had remembered greeting Auggie and congratulating him in making it to F1. Logan could see the newfound brightness of Auggie's eyes as he did so. That's when it really hit him that Auggie was sixteen, barely. Auggie had made a joke about coming together to take over Formula 1.
"As Americans, I think we should band together to dominate F1."
It was funny. Auggie hadn't known Logan for twenty minutes, but he had instantly decided he wanted Logan in his corner.
Auggie was genuinely such a breath of fresh air in the stuffy paddock. Where everything felt…fake. In a way. Logan instantly picked up on Auggie's authenticity. The way he acted and talked, the way he went about things was as if he was completely grounded and connected to reality. There was no disconnect from the real world when it came to Auggie. And Logan admired that.
Throughout testing Logan saw the lap times. He saw the way Auggie drove with precision and determination. The way Auggie maneuvered and had commanded the car to his will. He was fast, really fast. And others had seen it too.
And it put a target on Auggie's back.
The first race of the season was probably as stressful as ever. Tensions are high, anticipation in the air. The pressure was on, full throttle. Logan sensed the anxiety coming from Auggie. Sensed the immense amount of pressure on the sixteen-year-old. It wasn't until a few hours before the race that the pressure got to Auggie. Logan seen it. Auggie continuously drinking water, his breaths uneven. He had started getting fidgety, his legs bouncing, hands clenching and unclenching, knuckles turning white. Auggie then disappeared. Logan took his eyes off the boy for one second and Auggie was gone.
Logan found him in between garages, away from people, away from the prying eyes of the paddock. Where he found Auggie wasn't what concerned him, it's how he found Auggie. The boy was hyperventilating, hitting his chest then scratching at his arms. Logan could see the tears in Auggie's eyes. The sight of the young boy made Logan's heart clench.
"Hey, kid! You okay?" Auggie just shook his head his rapid breath continued. "Can't-can't breathe," Auggie managed to sob out. Logan nods as he guides to Auggie to sit down on the ground. "Okay, let's sit down, yeah? Can you follow my breathing?" Logan starts breathing deeply and Auggie soon follows. Deep breaths in and slowly exhale.
"I, uh, I heard that you like to bake," Logan asked after Auggie's breath is somewhat back to normal.
"Uh, yeah," Auggie clears his throat, "Yeah, I bake a lot. It helps me, um, it helps me relax." Auggie pauses then snorts, "Although, there's nothing relaxing about being in the kitchen."
Logan took this as a good sign. he needed to distract Auggie, he smiled at the boy, "Oh yeah? What's your favorite thing to bake?"
Auggie pondered for a moment, "Anything with lemon, really. Lemon bars, lemon cake, pie, tart, lemon poppy seed muffins, cookie. I am a big fan of chocolate too. A few weeks ago, I made a choco flan. It's a Mexican dessert. Flan is like a custard, and the chocolate part is cake. So, you have a bottom layer of chocolate cake and the top layer of flan. It's really good."
Logan looked at Auggie impressed. He had no clue that the sixteen-year-old was this passionate about baking. it seems that there's more to Auggie than what's on the surface.
Since then, both Americans stuck to each other's side. Always there for each other. They managed to build a strong bond quite quickly. They both stayed in the same hotel room because it was easier for them. Logan was able to keep an eye on Auggie, and Auggie felt safer with Logan. And it was like wherever one went, the other was not far behind. Their dynamic became well known among the paddock. A running joke that Logan adopted Auggie. And in some way, he did. He's considered as Auggie's legal guardian, and Auggie lives with him. He takes care of him how a father would. Auggie is essentially his child. Always will be.
"Done!" Logan snaps back to reality at the sound of Auggie's voice. He looks up into the mirror, sees his reflection. He looks different. not a bad different. Just different. He felt like how Auggie looked earlier. Free. A weight off his chest and free of burden.
He turned back to Auggie, "I'm surprised you managed to make me look good." Auggie gave him a soft smile and rolled his eyes, "Have some faith in me, jeez." Logan let out a small chuckle, "It looks good, Auggie. Thank you." Auggie nodded, looking down as he picked at his fingernails.
Auggie has something on his mind.
"What's wrong?" Auggie shakes his head, "Nothing." Auggie's voice cracks, a dead giveaway that something was wrong. Logan gave him a look, like he wasn't buying it. "Auggie."
Auggie could feel a lump forming in his throat, tears stinging his eyes. "I thought I was gonna loose you," Auggie sobs out. Logan lets out a deep sigh and pulls Auggie in for a hug. "I was so scared, and you weren't moving." Logan tightens his embrace. He could feel Auggie gripping his shirt, as if he was going to disappear if the boy let go.
Logan soothed Auggie, his hand gently rubbing Auggie's back. "But I'm still here, aren't I? I'm alive and well. I'm okay, Auggie." The boy nods into Logan's chest. Logan doesn't pull away, he doesn't let himself.
He lets Auggie pull away after a few minutes when Auggie finally calms down. "Let's go get something to eat. I know you're probably hungry right now." Auggie nods and fixes himself in the mirror. He turns to Logan with a smile, "Seafood?" Logan rolls his eyes, "It's always fucking seafood, I swear." Auggie laughs, "What? But it's good!" Logan only shook his head, "Come on, Alex is waiting for us."