Don't Fuck Around With Rape
Recently a few women that I care a great deal about have shared some things with me that, while I’m so grateful that they shared at all, has broken my heart and simultaneously made my skin crawl.
There is nothing more heinous in this world to me than rape.
I’m sure many people will second me on that, but what really gets me is just how much rape varies. It isn’t always a strange man in an alley with a knife in his coat pocket. It can be a friend, a boyfriend, a husband. It can be once or repeating. It can be intentional or oblivious. Some women hold onto their secret for thirty years, others need an outsider to help them realize exactly what just happened. Either way, the result is the same: a woman had sex against her will and she is forever changed because of it.
If you know me at all, you know I’m a self-proclaimed feminist. For me, feminism isn’t about women having power over men. I think that viewpoint is just as harmful to society as men having power over women. What I try to advocate is gender equality…and sometimes that’s interpreted as a girl power, pro she-male, domination-of-all-with-penises kind of mentality. It sucks that my opinions have been skewed, even mocked at times, but it’s worth it. When a friend comes to me saying she should have done more to stop him, I can tell her with every fiber of my being, she did.
It’s never the victim’s fault. Never.
I’ve heard women inadvertently defend their attacker. They say, “I was wearing a really short skirt…,” or, “We’ve always been kinda flirty with each other...”
Well, you’re wrong. Plain and simple: if you had sex against your will, you were raped and you did nothing to deserve it. People talk complete and utter bullshit about what women wear and the type of “message” they’re projecting. Really? What about the message she projects with her voice? To me, that’s probably a bit more important.
Guys, it’s pretty easy to tell if a girl wants to have sex with you. One sure fire way to know is to ask. Ask her if what you’re doing is okay and if she starts crying during sex, stop what you’re doing – even if she doesn’t tell you to stop. This is part of being a respectful human being and has very little to do with the act of sex. And if she does tell you to stop, well then stopping would be a good idea. It doesn’t matter if you’ve slept together in the past, every time is a new time with a new emotion and a new consequence. If you can’t handle that concept then for the love of god, please stop having sex.
Girls, I wholeheartedly believe that someday we’ll be able to walk home at night confidently without clutching mace in our hands and without being called “baby” by every drunk asshole on the streets. Until then, never second guess yourself; if you’re being yourself, you’re doing something right.