Title: Key's Dilemma
Author: Brennajaee.
Main Character(s): Key (SHINee)
Other Character(s): Minor OC // Kevin (U-Kiss) // Jonghyun (SHINee)
Pairing(s): Minor Key / OC
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: It was as if Key was in a jail of some sort.
Warning(s): Rated for brief use of language.
It was as if Key was in a jail of some sort.
Now, that wasn't exactly true. He wasn't in a jail -- not a literal one, that is -- but he was feeling a little trapped. Trapped by the fans, trapped by his bandmates, and trapped by his own expectations.
It wasn't easy being him.
He sighed, running a hand over the shorn side of his head. He still wasn't used to it and didn't think he'd ever be used to it. Actually, he wasn't really sure what he was thinking when he told his stylist that this was what he wanted. It was clear by the fandom that they didn't know what he was thinking, either. Most of them disapproved and some had even begun to hate him. As if it'd been his fault he wanted to go for something new. He supposed that it was, in a way, his fault for trying new things out, but he didn't want to be known as just the diva any longer. Sure, it was a fun title, but at the same time it could be horribly damaging to his reputation.
Well. His new hair had taken care of that.
All he'd wanted to do was break out of stereotypes, show the world that SHINee was a force to be reckoned with. He wanted to help SHINee break out of their little boy image. He didn't care if he had noona's pedo-ing on him or any of the other members. Pretty soon, it'd be younger generations listening to their music and fangirling (or fanboying) as well. So it didn't matter, did it?
He wanted to help SHINee become a legend. Honestly, what other boyband had a member that had shaved the side of their head simply for a concept? Given some thought, sure, there could be some that you could dredge up from history or something, but generally, it was unheard of.
Key wandered back into the kitchen for another apple, still debating his dilemma. He was stuck between helping SHINee become lengendary, helping them break out of their little "good boy" image (he hated that sometimes, it really put a damper on some of the "off-color" jokes that he wanted to say) and just leaving things be. He'd been lucky enough to get the side of his head shaved, seeing as the stylists nearly had a heart attack when he'd told them what he wanted to try. He pushed down the feeling of guilt, crunching down on the apple.
It was times like this that he wanted to question the love the fans had for him. For SHINee.
He wasn't blind and sometimes he supposed that the fans forgot this in their rush to support the hottest new thing. Of course, there were some that were devout Shawols, but there were even more that could leave the SHINee fandom at the drop of a hat if something happened that they didn't agree with. He'd been on fan sites, both Korean and international (he did know enough English to read, he wasn't blind), and had read the comments they'd left about his hair. They were insulting, not to him but to the stylist, and he again felt guilty for asking the stylist to do his hair.
There were always questions running through his head: How much do they love me? How much do they love us? And, most of all, do we deserve it? He tried hard, that was true, but he knew that there were people out there that thought it was all fun and games. Unfortunately, it wasn't...being a fanboy himself, he knew how easily a person could go from one fandom to another, and he dreaded the day when people would be booing him on stage or yelling for someone else to come on. He didn't want to sound conceited, but he didn't want to face failure, so he knew he had to try hard.
Finishing the apple, he tossed the core in the garbage can and walked to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He opened a drawer, revealing many different razors of different colors. He was struck by how many he -- SHINee, really -- had. He supposed you could do a crazy, personality thing based on the color of the razor: Black, for Minho, who was serious a lot of the time; yellow, for Taemin, who was known as the happy one; orange, for Onew, simply because it was the color that best resembled the color of fried chicken; blue, for Jonghyun, because he didn't really care what color he got; and pink, for Key, because that's what Onew said he should have. So Key accepted the pink razor without complaint.
There was another one in the drawer, though, one that was used for something other than shaving their legs (What? You've never heard of male idols shaving their legs? How else do you think their legs get so hairless?). It was green. This one was for his hair, so he could keep it shorn on the side and not have to go in every time he needed to.
He held it between his fingers and contemplated what he was about to do. He could shave, and be called cold-hearted by his fans for not complying to their wishes, or he could not shave and let it grow out. He knew he'd gain more fans with the latter, seeing as they were fond of calling him "sexy" -- personally, he didn't see it -- and other words like that. He recalled the words Jonghyun had spoke to him the other day: "It doesn't matter what the fans say. Just do what you can."
The thing was, a lot of fans were already unahppy with him. And his manager was a little unhappy with him, too, because of the fact that they'd lost some fans. In actuality, they hadn't lost any -- it'd just been Key who had lost some. And so Key had borne the brunt of all the shame and guilt at bringing down SHINee this way, all because of his hair.
Not to sound like a bitch, but some fans were really shallow.
Letting the razor drop onto the sink, he leaned forward and peered into the mirror, trying to see what people thought of him. What girls thought of him. He knew of the rumors that he was gay or bi, or that he didn't care and would have sex with just about anything, but he tried not to let the last one affect him. He didn't care if people thought he was gay or bi; let them! Let them think that and hope that there would be more tolerance in the world.
He hated the questions where the interviewer would ask suggestively, "So, what's your ideal type?" He never really knew. He was usually too busy working, training, dancing, being the person everyone thought he was to look at girls that way. He gave up on having a relationship, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to have one. After seeing how crazy girls got (thanks to Taemin), he definitely didn't want to deal with that any time soon.
On the other hand, though, he did like girls. He liked the way they blushed when you embarrassed them. He liked the way they would smile shyly, but this was usually on camera. He liked how they could get nervous about the smallest things, yet dance in a way that made dirty thoughts flit through Key's brain. Girls were complicated to him and he didn't want to delve into that world too soon. He'd rather keep his sanity, thanks.
He found girls too delicate at times. Too quick to cry. He thought they could actually be bipolar and he hated the way they freaked out about the smallest things. He remembered one instant when he was backstage at Star King, along with SNSD's Jessica and Seohyun, and the latter was yelling and screaming about meeting CN Blue's Yonghwa later that night. He'd rolled his eyes and wondered if that had been some sort of ritual that girls had to go through, freaking out about dates hours before you actually had to go on them.
He didn't think he'd ever understand girls who were celebrities, much less fangirls and girls who he could actually date.
There was one girl, though, and that was his friend Kevin's best friend. Her name was Janine. Kevin and her were under the same company, although she hadn't debuted yet. They were both from America and had clicked as soon as she and Kevin had met. She was ridiculously nice and unlike any other girl he'd met. He'd never seen her freaking out about anything (well, there was that one time when she'd thought she had lost something important, but he didn't classify that as freaking out). Sometimes he envied the way she and Kevin got along, but when she drew close to him to talk, giving him a smile, Key couldn't think.
He thought he was in love at those times.
Then she would smile at him, say, "Hey, Key," and walk past him to fetch something for Kevin.
Sometimes he wanted to take her into a storage room or something and just tell her, "You are amazing." But he knew he didn't have that kind of confidence.
He'd considered talking to Kevin about this. The times they'd been on Star King together (okay, the times when either one of them had lurked backstage) had led them to really bond in the manliest way possible. They were kind of friends now, friends in the way that they would confide in each other and talk to each other about things going on in his life.
Key hadn't mentioned any specifics, only saying that he had a friend who had a friend who he liked, and that he was afraid to make a move. Kevin looked a little lost at this cryptic message, but shook his head and asked him to clarify. Hesitantly, Key repeated what he'd just said, except with a little more elaboration, and Kevin looked like he understood.
"Well, all you have to do is go for it. You're not gonna know about happiness with her unless you try, and you do want to be happy with her, right?"
Key had nodded and tried to make sense of it all. The next day, he tried to talk to her about going to see a movie sometime, probably at SHINee's dorm -- that way it could be a group thing -- but instead what came out was, "What do you think if I shaved my head?"
She'd tilted her head to the side, giving him an appraising look, and said, "I think you could pull it off."
That was when he'd shaved his head. He'd never felt happier.
A knock sounded on the bathroom door, snapping him out of his reverie. "Yah, Key. You done in there?"
"Uh, yea. Sorry, Jonghyun." He placed the razor back where it had come from. He hadn't shaved his head yet, but he didn't think he was going to. He wanted to see what Janine thought about it.
As he opened the door, Jonghyun brushed past him. "Man, I really gotta piss. I was getting tired of waiting, y'know?"
Key laughed. "Uh, too much information, Jonghyun." Shaking his head, he went back to his room and flopped down on the bed. He was getting tired of waiting as well, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep on waiting. What if Janine started to have an interest in someone else? Worse, what if that person was in SHINee? His own bandmate?
He shook his head at the ludicrious thoughts. He hadn't even talked to her -- in the two months that they'd known each other, he'd barely spoken to her at all. So there was absolutely no reason why she would pick him. Right?
Picking up the phone, his shaking fingers dialed a number. He waited nervously until the person on the other side had picked up, then said, "Hey, Janine? Wanna hang out sometime?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ten Songs Used (In Order) ;
1. Break Out - TVXQ
2. I Am Legend - Lollipop
3. How Much Do You Love Me? - Show Luo
4. My Color - 2PM
5. A.MI.GO - SHINee
6. SHINee Girl - SHINee
7. Ring Ding Dong - SHINee
8. Eat You Up - BoA
9. Open Happiness - 2PM
10. Tired of Waiting - 2PM
