#growingasaparent

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Appreciating the time I had to stop for a coffee and smell the lovely daffodils yesterday. ✨ Inside, I was struggling with this story of value that I didn’t like in me. My kid was unwell. He wasn’t going to go for vacation care. He was disappointed to miss out on the fun. We sat through it, and felt better in the sunshine. But for me, not only was I worried that my child was unwell - but he wasn’t going to attend the non-refundable vacation care that we had paid for. Ouch. It was going to be a big waste of money! (and that felt awful!) The disappointment and the frustration. Gah. I was working inside to not to let the frustration eat at me, or turn into guilt. I tried to understand myself better, figure it out. And I realized I’ve always felt guilty when I miss an activity, especially when it’s a paid one. Probably because growing up, we were taught to value something by how much it cost. Life was in survival mode, we didn’t have much choice. I understood it as a child and told myself the story, that I had to get the full value of what I paid. Or it would be a waste. So for a really long time, I’ve felt really guilty when I was sick, missing out on work or skipping on paid activities. Now, I am careful with the words I use when we talk about missing out. I do not want to pass on perception that money is more important than wellness. And that’s the story I want to change today. For me and my children. If we are unwell, our wellness should come first. It’s OK to miss out. It’s OK to pay for things and miss out on it. It’s through tough times like these that I have learned to work through my feelings, so that we can be kinder with ourselves and model a better life for our children. ❤️ #growingasaparent #consciousparenting #intuitiveparenting #learnwithme #parenting #gentleparenting #whenkidsaresick #missingout #fomo #jomo https://www.instagram.com/p/CixGY32pTUm/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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this little girl loves it at soccer. she’s not old enough to join her brothers yet, so I play with her. we pass the ball, and practice kicking a goal. I don’t play at all, but I wanted to encourage her because she’s really shown a lot of natural talent. I speak to her in the usual proud mama way, “look at how fast you’re running! look at how the ball goes with you, you’re controlling the ball so well, you should be proud of yourself”, and so on. and then realized that I was talking to myself (and out loud) very differently to how I spoke to her. I would say how bad a player I was, how I kept missing the ball, how silly I was, how slow I was. I was putting myself down with almost every word that came out of my mouth. OUCH. I was unconsciously doing this, out of habit. I would never speak to anyone like this, but I was doing it to myself. I noticed it because she started repeating to me. “Mommy, you’re so silly. You’re so bad at this. Look at me, I’m such a good player. Look at me, I can kick the ball.” DOUBLE OUCH. and once I noticed it, I stopped saying it. I’ve stopped this inner critic of mine many times, and this is just another round of habits over the years that takes time to replace. If you don’t know it’s what to say, you can so nothing. Or “Oops” or “let’s try this again!” Exactly like how you would speak to your child. That’s how you speak and encourage yourself. we are always learning to love ourselves ❤️ If you’re tired of being so tough on yourself, I can show you ways to start treating yourself better. It’s a constant path, our parenting journey intertwined with our own personal growth. Steps are simple, but not easy. You can do it. ✨ As always, my inbox is open. Send me a DM to see if we can work together. #mylittlesoccerplayer #growingasaparent #theyteachussomuch (at Port Melbourne, Victoria) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ch-4HtPJggx/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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“Active Parenting Time” I thought of this term yesterday. It was after dinner and I was exhausted, but not even sure how come because the usual “markers” of a productive day didn’t happen. And then a tiny voice reminded me that I don’t do that anymore. Someone else does not get to determine my worth and productivity in a day. Only I do. ✌️ And so I thought about the many things I did do that day. The many fights I broke up, the scheduling and planning. Giving of clear instructions that nurture independence, negotiating without taking sides, dealing with my own issues around showing anger, shouting and screaming, apologizing sincerely, fixing boo boos. Providing food (not necessarily nutritious), cleaning up, keeping us alive. 😂 I call it active parenting time. And it’s every freaking second that I’m switched on to care for these little human beings of mine. It was a lot. 😮‍💨 So I think I’ve done enough, and really could do with some rest now. I think about all the active parenting time we do in a day. It adds up, and by the end of the day and the house isn’t clean, or the washing isn’t done? Pretty sure there was more to it than that. This is your reminder to appreciate yourself. To know that you’ve done a lot. And you deserve rest, and time to do fun stuff for yourself. 🙌 Go fill your bucket! As always, rooting for you. And my inbox is open for a chat. Anytime. ❤️ #growingasaparent #familylyfe #activeparentingtime (at ONA Coffee Melbourne) https://www.instagram.com/p/ChQ1wqXJmHU/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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People ask, “How do you do it?” “How do you have such cute kids?” “All three of them?” I usually answer, "I don't know." But actually, I do know I do. I do the work. I work very hard at growing myself, so that I can be a better parent. To let them be themselves, to let them say no, to let them say yes. To let them decide for themselves, even if the consequences of their actions would be disappointment and loss. To not sharing their things. To not sharing their time. To not taking care of each other. To fighting with each other, standing up for themselves. When they say no to me. And over time, they eventually yes. (sometimes.) And it's a yes that they decide for themselves. Which is the best kind. ❤️ Here’s to those of us, little kids who had been brought up, being told what to do, to being grown-ups who are breaking the cycle and letting our children be safe being themselves. And as always, my inbox is open. This is your invitation to talk about things that matter to you, you can ask me. ❤️ #growingasaparent #meandmymiddlechild #consciousparenting (at Treasury Gardens) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfvBsUbpIPs/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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watching her play brings me such joy. I love to observe her little face as she concentrates on her story that she’s putting together with her favorite toys. she’s getting older and small world play is picking up! 👏 I may be taking photos but I’m also connecting with her by watching and seeing her, by being available for her to tell me her perspectives, and by just sitting close to her. most times I don’t do anything but listen and play along. I wait, I watch and her imagination kicks in so I just get told what to do when we play together. I used to feel like I never could find the time to sit down to play. there was always something to get done, the to-do lost was miles long. but now - my little girl is growing up, the laundry, the dust and the cobwebs can wait. our children won’t, so which will you pick today? 💕 #irisimagination #playingwithkids #connectingwithmykids #playtime #growingasaparent https://www.instagram.com/p/Cda3z_aPL12/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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she fell asleep on the car ride home today, and when she finally woke up - it was hot and sunny. she was really upset, so I tried to help by covering the window to block the sun out, and then moved away to give her space. She worked off her emotions by screaming, kicking the seat and finally sitting quietly by herself and didn’t want any help. all this time, I was sitting in the front seat, close but not too close. before this, I would have probably gotten mad too because no one likes being shouted at and kicked when they’re trying to help. It hurt! But today, I had enough rest and food, and could see that she needed space and not to be forced to get out of the car before she was ready. I could wait. after about 15 minutes, she climbed out next to me with these sunnies on (upside down) and cheerfully said “It’s so sunny mommy, I need sunglasses.” and that was it, she was ready to go in. She had a solution, and then happily picked me a daisy too. All I had to do was wait and give her space. 😊 Parenting win for today. ❤️ #gentleparenting #respectfulparenting #respectingourchildren #lovethiskid #growingasaparent https://www.instagram.com/p/CX03ooSlRqj/?utm_medium=tumblr

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among all of us, her emotional regulation is probably the best. she’s better at it than me. and I’m really proud of her. she’s taught me so much. 💕 I’m realizing how much my children bring out the best in me. thank you ❤️ and while so much of the world and media portray children as trouble, that we all “need a drink” to get through our day as parents, these memes really should stop. children don’t deserve to be jokes. just like jokes that poke fun at racism, aren’t funny. at all. being a parent doesn’t mean we have to cope. it means we get to grow. 🌱 #growingasaparent #littlemisssunshine #gentleparenting #respectfulparenting #consciousparenting #emotionalregulationinadults https://www.instagram.com/p/CWA_3Pav7Er/?utm_medium=tumblr

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I remind myself that they will always have each other. 💕 as they play together, fight together, shout and squabble, scream, find themselves and grow up together. there’s a whole lot of chaos with five very different personalities in our household today. 😂 and me, I’m learning to deal with all the big emotions that I hadn’t really understood how to manage before. better late than never! frustration, anger, disappointment are all big feelings, emotions that are OK to feel and let it pass through. ❤️ #theloongkids #familyoffive #growingasaparent #bigfeelingsareok @devin_loong https://www.instagram.com/p/CT_tfnCFShN/?utm_medium=tumblr