2017/01/01
*obligatory late end of the year reflection* I ended 2016 feeling the worst I’ve ever felt about myself in all my days. That may seem dramatic, but being consumed by school was definitely a distraction to the state of my well being. Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of my accomplishments in 2016, they were few but great milestones in my life-- this is just evidence to how worldly accomplishments and recognition can leave one feeling so empty and full of unrest inside.
Moving home the last two weeks of the year I finally had time to stop to think of where I’ve been and to where my next steps will take me and once again I am in that post grad limbo, but rather than the uncertainty of employment (which is still there but less concerning) it’s the uncertainty of spiritual growth. It was just really scary and disappointing to see what a negative, cynical, and unloving person I’ve become. Ahh I want to say I’m not as terrible as that sounds but just being real, that is definitely how I feel. It’s like going to war without any armor.. so so defeated, barely alive and not quite dead. Especially with not having a church to return to, looking for a new home and meeting new people or seeing old friends freaks out the introvert in me. But until then I don’t think my soul can find peace, therefore I must carry on and push through these transitions to find that rest.
I feel like my flesh can complain for daayyyz on how lame 2016 was can check out most of it on my twitter rants heh, but looking forward at 2017 I need to combat that selfish spirit of entitlement, bitterness, dissatisfaction with one of gratitude and humility. And to start, I’m thankful for the Cross for the hope and strength to move on from these restless emotions and thoughts. As I once again seek to fix my eyes on Christ in 2017, I pray to regain that eternal perspective and to learn to be a good steward with what I have been given, be it material things, talents, or people.
Probably will still catch me rolling my eyes and heaving sighs, but I do hope and will try to use less “ughs” this coming year!