#guillicow

[wolf-tail]

*Points to Roboute* Cow

*Points to Ultramarines* His calves

[cognitivemania]

Kudos to @moociaoafterdark for drawing that one fanart with Cato and the milkmaid.

Part of me feel like it has to go somewhere (the milk) and must be pasteurized but there (technically) human and aren't milked like real cows to an industrial level (then again the milk is coming out of Cato's nipples like a river stream, but then again it can be brushed off as transhumanism shenanigans) so there's no need for pasteurization. So... it's supposed to be ankin to regular cow milk and all but I like to imagine due to geneseed fuckery they can produce varying types of milk (i.e whipping/skin/non-fact/low-fat sort of milk)

On an unrelated note, do you think our good furry wolf leman russ ever tried to jump on romoote guillicow for the kick of it as a bipedal version of professional bull riding?

[wolf-tail]

Inspired by this post, I've decided to propose a list of hypothetical Primarch fursonas.

Lion El'Johnson: Call me uncreative but it's all in the name. Lion.

Fulgrim: Reticulated python, but the kind specially bred for iridescent scales. Beautiful, dangerous, carefully curated for perfection.

Perturabo: I'm actually stumped here. Open to suggestions.

Jaghatai Khan: Couldn't decide between horse and eagle, so we'll go with hippogriff.

Leman Russ: Basic Bitch #2: Wolf.

Rogal Dorn: Polar bear. Big, dangerous, from a hostile ice environment, white hair.

Konrad Curze: Bat, specifically little brown bat, one of the lil cute fuckers.

Sanguinius: Trumpeter Swan. Beautiful, elegant bird that will absolutely fuck you up if you piss it off.

Ferrus Manus: Scaly-foot gastropod. Weird ass snail that grows iron scales and lives in undersea volcanoes.

Angron: Quokka. Gentle, docile, cute face structured in such a way that it's impossible for it to frown. Everything Angron was made to be but wasn't.

Roboute Guilliman: Domestic bull. Cattle are very...practical animals, if that makes sense. Widespread, useful, strong. Were often used as currency in ancient times. Deceptively "boring", cute as fuck. Sounds like our boy, and we all know how much he likes farms. Moo moo motherfucker.

Magnus the Red: We're going all out on the Egyptian imagery here folks. A gryphon, but with 2 very specific component animals. The sacred ibis is associated with Thoth, a god of wisdom and knowledge. They are also nasty little trash goblins that will raid your dumpster. Barbary lions were associated with kingship, also hair floofy. And fuck it, throw some snakes scales in there too, as Heka, the Egyptian god most strongly associated with magic, had a connection to serpents.

Mortarion: As you can tell, my indecisive ass loves hybrid sonas. Turkey vulture, not traditionally pretty, eats gross and yucky things, so important yet so undervalued. Good sense of smell, especially for a bird. Thematic association with death. Broad diet and adapts well to lots of environments. Spanish moon moth, bug with pretty green and black wings.

Corvus Corax: His name is literally the scientific name for common raven. If it aint't broke, don'y fix it.

Vulkan: Fire salamander/gila monster.

Lorgar: Domestic sheep. The "lamb of God" imagery was too strong. But he's a ram now, angry AF with horns to match.

Horus: Domestic dog. Friendly, charismatic, intelligent, loyal. But can turn on you, given the right circumstances. He'd a mutt, the unnervingly perfect spotty, floppy eared mutt, the "Fido" of an idealized heterosexual white suburban family unit, pickett fence and 2.5 kids. So perfect you can just tell that something is off.

Alpharius and Omegon: Planarian flatworm. You know why.

[wolf-tail]

Though i am very attatched to Ultrabees, Ultracows were my first Furry Legions idea for them and I would like to familiarize everyone with it

Ultramarines can sleep standing up (do not tip them over, that is very rude)

Ultramarines are herd animals with complex social rituals and have best friends

They are very routine oriented (Roboute's autism + cow genes) and that's why they hate any deviation from the Codex

All Ultramarine barracks must include a salt lick and a scratching post

Roboute does some really embarassing shit whever Yvraine comes over, Flehmen response, mooing, headbutting walls, etc. but goes back to normal when she leaves

[wolf-tail]

WE GOT A CONTAINMENT BREACH

I REPEAT

THE WALL HAS BEEN BREACHED

NOW IS THE TIME, BOVINEPOST ON REDDIT

[wolf-tail]

Cannot wait for the Ultracow/Guillimoo content to breach containment and make it to reddit

If nothing else it shall be funny

[cognitivemania]

Maybe it's the Texan wearing cowboy hat in me, but if you replaced all the bullfighters (also known as "rodeo clowns" or "barrel man") from the bullbucking rodeos you'd see on TV and replaced them with ultramoorine serfs nothing would've changed. Besides increased dread.

They literally deal with hulking trans humans that behave like bulls. If they're not doing daily Spanish bullfighting they're distracting the marine from spinning all over the place.

I'm sorta torn if the ultramoorine should be bucking on all fours or on two....maybe both?

But without a shadow of a doubt they're armorless and at the mercy of whatever incoming horns are directed at them.

[cognitivemania]

I think @wolf-tail said something about ultramoorines having salt likers. Then I recalled that cows can eat sugar (sugarcanes, not the ones we buy).

Also, does the bull of ultramar have any sort of gene flaw identical to the space wolves? Do they grow horns? Get a new pair of ears? (or get their current ones turned into cattle ones?) do they grow a tail? Can they ahem...lactate? Can guiliman be capable of that?

Anywho back to what I was rambling about— Sugar cubes the size of astertes jawbreakers that they can swallow whole and savour it until it disintegrates. If feel like Cato would replace the sugar with salt but that's just me.

Humans have upper teeth, cows do not, that's gotta lead to a bunch of missing teeth, unless they eat a sugarcane like how you normally should instead of eating the whole thing.

But then again they're astartes.