You know what I want? A guilt-free conversation.
A guilt-free conversation about me.
From my likes to my dislikes, my favorites to my hates, my childhood stories to my fear of spiders, my specific way of making tea, to my everything, without me having to actively make sure each time that,
“Oh, I hope I haven’t been talking about myself for too long.”
“Ugh, I’ve been going on about my allergy reactions for the past ten minutes. I should ask them something.”
“Gosh, they’re asking me so many questions and I’m only doing the usual ‘So, how about you?’ I should come up with questions about them too.”
“Oh no, I’ve just shared something really deep and long. I should probably turn the conversation back to them.”
Just, for once, my brain not having to worry about all the conversation niceties, the etiquettes, the worrying, the fear that 'I'm making this all about myself', oh god its so exhausting.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
The horrifying guilt of taking up too much space and attention is at it once again.
Just once—a conversation where I’m allowed to take up all the attention, to hog it all with my likes and dislikes, lest the next person never asks at all.
Just a guilt-free conversation is all I ask.
Just one guilt-free conversation.