#guy n smith

[kekwcomics]

THE SLIME BEAST - Guy N Smith (New English Library, 1976?)

Art: Ray Feibush

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Yellow Hill

CS Humble: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the massacre at yellow hill Humble: it's about a black vampire hunter Barker: is it Blade? Humble: no Humble: not every black vampire hunter is blade for your information

Humble: this black vampire hunter and his adopted son are riding across the lonesome prairies of texas in search of vampires Robert E Howard: don't mess with texas! Humble: but also having philosophical discussions about the problem of evil Howard: [louder] Don't mess with texas!

Howard: hold on thar pardna are ya sayin' there's vampires in MY texas? Humble: right Howard: i ain't gonna stand for that! Howard: any 2 bit varmit tries to suck mah blood is gettin' a taste of my pea shooter! Howard: DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!

Humble: this black vampire hunter finds he has to contend not just with the undead but also with the evil in men's hearts Humble: because the real vampire was racism the whole time! Howard: DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS! Humble: alright alright we get it we won't mess with texas

Humble: it turns out they're not dealing with just any old vampire Humble: not just some mundane nosferatu or some work-a-day dracula Humble: or even a boring old Lestat Humble: no he's dealing with some top shelf blood suckers Humble: they got an evil book and everything

Humble: and these vampires are gonna bring about the apocalypse and the arrival of their evil vampire god Humble: who's so big like you can't even see him Humble: except for his giant crab claw Guy N Smith: i knew it! Smith: i knew he'd be back!!

Humble: so this black vampire hunter is hunting vampires Lovecraft: oh jeez this story is too scary! Howard: don't worry pardna, ain't no vampires that can stand up to my pea shooter! Lovecraft: the vampires aren't the scary part

Humble: but in this texas town, where vampires run wild, there's a family, a widow and her kids Humble: and kids you know they just can't get enough of that old timey candy! Humble: salt water taffy Humble: bit o' honey Humble: ribbon candy Humble: aspic

Humble: licorice dandies Humble: sugared marrow Humble: cornmush bricks Humble: rootmush bricks Humble: saracen's delight Humble: horehound jerky Humble: and mary janes King: oh gross mary janes Howard: DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!

[fitsofgloom]

A Day of Atonement, Like A Bat Out of Hell

[spacenoirdetective]

Crabs

[randytarantula]

Guy N. Smith's Literary Erections

Guy N. Smith was a horror writer until recently, when he died. He was most popular in the seventies and eighties, and his best known book was this one:

It's about giant crabs that attack England and kill people; it spawned a series of eight books. However, he also wrote this book:

It's the first in a series about Mark Sabat, an SAS operative turned exorcist who fights evil in a number of (gay) forms. Here are all the times in the first book of the series where Mark Sabat mentions his erection:

"They were fencing now and Sabat was dimly aware that his erection was growing again but she gave no hint of having noticed it."

"Hell, it was a long time since he'd gone a fortnight without a woman. Nevertheless, he was determined that such pleasures would have to wait and attempted to satisfy his craving in the only way he knew how. But it did not stop him getting an erection again on the drive back up to Warwickshire. Every man had his Achilles heel."

"Even in the throes of this latest terror he felt himself getting an erection."

"It came as a shock to him to realise that his exhaustion had evaporated totally during the process of undressing. A glance down at his own body confirmed the reason, the rigid pulsing erection, the sensation spreading up from his lower regions. He groaned softly to himself - another trick of the Left-Hand Path to undermine his resistance, or just the fact that sexually he had gone into overdrive again? His sexual appetite knew no bounds, was seldom fully satisfied. He shrugged as his fingers slid down his flat stomach and began to ruffle the bushy black pubic hair, drawn irresistibly to that part of his body like iron filings to a magnet."

"Jesus, he hated that bitch but he couldn't stop himself getting an erection every time he thought about her."

"Randa, the man standing directly behind her was calling her, his hand edging further and further around her waist. That would be short for Miranda, Sabat concluded, and wished that he didn't get erections so frequently."

RIP Guy N. Smith

[20th-century-leftovers]

[everythingsecondhand]

Satan’s Snowdrop, by Guy N. Smith (Hamlyn, 1980). 

From Anarchy Records in Nottingham.

[overlordraax]

I’m currently writing a comic script and I couldn’t think of the name for a background character so I just put ‘Guy’, but then I had to give the characters full name and the first thing that came into my mind was Guy N. Smith.

Which would normally be fine but Guy N Smith is an atrocious horror writer from the 1970′s who wrote a book called Night of the Crabs. It’s about giant crabs attacking a random seaside town. It’s really bad and super cheesy, and now I can’t take this random guy seriously in my own script cos that’s all I can think about.

I mean LOOK AT THIS!

Also WTF is this...

YOU’RE A CRAB! WHY ARE YOU STABBING HER WITH A KNIFE?