#gwenny keepsakes

[empressgwenny]

ur so cute gwenny ily

;//w//; 

/\\w//\

(there are literally no emojis to describe my flustered fluffy feelings and but also i wanted to yell at all the the snow to get off my lawn SO HAVE ALL OF MY FEELINGS????)

[empressgwenny]

sO I HAVE REALLY GOOD GWENNY NEWS AND I JUST REALLY NEED TO PUT THIS DOWN HERE AND TALK ABOUT IT B/C IT’S ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE IF I NOVELIZED MY LIFE THEN I WOULD TALK ABOUT IT AHHHHHHH

sukanya. banerjee.

the desi lady postcolonial literature professor. the one who taught me victorian literature in the first semester that i entered the english program.

whose classes i kept taking. this class is my third with her. she knows me a little. i’m shy, but she notices me. gives me A’s on my papers, in her classes overall.

the lady i see myself in. the first desi woman who has taught me english. who speaks like an unwritten book, or a book that writes itself spontaneously, in the moment.

she agreed to writing me a letter of recommendation.

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I LITERALLY CANNOT. TALKING TO HER WAS SURREAL. HER TAKING AN INTEREST IN MY WELL BEING AS HER STUDENT WAS SURREAL. I WAS SO WORRIED SHE WOULD SAY NO AND THEN WHAT WOULD I DO, HOW WOULD I GET TO GRAD SCHOOL, HOW WOULD I ESCAPE THIS HORRIBLE HELL.

but she said yes. she said it slowly and softly at first, and i was worried it was a burden. but then our conversation blossomed. she expressed she would be happy to do it but she encouraged me to look at programs outside of the midwest. to fly. she told me she believed in me.

like, she actually believes in me.

“you’ll do fine in grad school. don’t worry.” 

a really encouraging smile on her face. like i could tell she meant it. like that i not only would get in but do well? that i had the chops

and i was just like... really? me?

she told me i needed to trust myself more. she told me she believed in me. i said i would try. that i felt encouraged, not pressured, and that i would legitimately try.

so now i have a little while to look at some grad schools, to look at postcolonial literature programs. she was like “don’t worry about financing, you apply to TAships for that kind of thing.”

she really wants me to break free and cultivate myself. i want that too. she encouraged me not to be afraid of leaving people behind, even going separate ways from gurkirat. even though i still want to stay in the same place with gurkirat, i knew where she was coming from-- that i shouldn’t limit my opportunities based on whether i will be able to go to the same place as gurkirat or not.

and it just... it’s helped me understand that maybe we’ll live on the same coast but maybe not go to the same school or live in the same state or whatever. but that it’s okay and that there’s time for those things. that pursuing my career is important, too, and i should live for me.

and hearing that from someone in this position was really important for me. surreal, even. i feel like it didn’t happen-- like i woke up from a dream.

and i’m trying not to cry about this. i’m so happy. i’m going to tell my dad about all this too. i can’t believe this happened. i feel like i can do things, for real real.

and next on our list is god of small things. and i actually know that book. and love that book. and like... holy shit i’m so happy.

between getting on payroll and securing 1/3 (the biggest) of my letters of recommendations, i’m really fucking excited. like all of my hard work has been paying off. holy shit FUCK YES

I’M GOING TO TRY HARDER AND GET OFF MY ASS AND LIVE THIS LIFE

[empressgwenny]

lugaluanna - “king” + “heavenly light”

uanna for short

[empressgwenny]

Visit Original Link

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This is such a thoughtful proposal. I am so blown away by it. But really, that's what I've come to expect from you. I could get really mushy here, BUT I WON'T! (You are meant to be an English major.)"

as;dlfkasj;ldfkjasdlkfjasf !?!?!?!?

i have been struggling with this all week, all month, all semester, and most of my life

to hear this from my professor-- my professor about a paper i am sincerely invested in-- comparing the relationships of Enkidu and Gilgamesh and the Creature and Victor to emphasize the function of character relationships in story telling-- an idea that i proposed and was so nervous about proposing-- to be so invested in writing about this idea-- it's fucking mind-blowing that she would even say that

"you are meant to be an english major"

i am literally in tears

i have been questioning myself and the legitimacy of my passion for writing and for english in general since i came to understand that i carry so bright and flaming a torch for it-- a;ldkjf literally all my life i've been like "but i can't be a writer, i don't deserve to be a writer, i don't have the talent to be a writer, i don't have brilliant ideas or thoughts and everything i say is foolish and superficial"

growing up with that attitude, imposed on my in part by the atmosphere in which i lived and continue to live, imposed on me by myself, too, i just-- to hear that from someone i look up to so much

it's really refreshing and touching and moving

cries i really love my major okay

[empressgwenny]

Circumstance: Palom has lost his memories in an accident resulting from an experiment. Leonora, having established to him the details of their past, helps him navigate Mysidia and search for a way to jog his memory.

palom: [nods resolutely once more and shoves hands into his pockets as they walk] "Yes. You require my urgent counsel on... some kind of magic thing. What kind of magic do I cast?"

leonora: "-giggles, cupping her lips in her palms; then she rubs her cheeks- Black magic, my lord. You are a prodigy of the Black Arts. Fire and Ice and Electricity-- that sort of thing, yes? You were a lover of the Elements... Eight knots for the eight Elements, remember? Although, I have doubt that your body has forgotten how to channel them. You can still read and write, after all. It's entirely possible you've retained your spells. It's also possible that you've forgotten them entirely, but... I'm optimistic."

palom: "I see... That sounds like a dangerous kind of magic. Is that why my hands are so..."

leonora: "Beautiful?"

palom: "....I was going to call them wrinkled and puckered."

leonora: "I think they're lovely... -curls hair around her finger- But, yes, it's a dangerous kind of magic, one could say. Depends on the user. The Elements can be very gentle, too... You once sought to conquer their hearts. It's why you, er... It's why the hands, yes, and why your back is-- traced with love lines as well. The Elements, they-- they are not to be conquered, you see... You were a little reckless, but it was ambitious. And, like parents, the Elements scolded you. That's... how I came to see it, at least."

palom: "You make it sound like a romantic tale...Trying to capture hearts and love lines and such. I would simply call them scars."

leonora: "-smiles sadly- Well... you felt a great passion for the Elements. A great ambition. And... I found it rather... beautiful. Besides... /I/ loved the man you were, and so-- wouldn't my opinion be colored by that? Eheh... -twitches her shoulders- I think they're beautiful scars. They do not malign you in my eyes... They are your mistakes, but are not your mistakes a part of who you are?"

palom: "..... You must have loved me quite a lot to see it in such a light. I get the feeling that... you used to trace these love lines... In a metaphorical sense, I mean. Not necessarily literal."

leonora: "Mmm... literally, too... Your sister and the Elder scolded you for your recklessness. But, I-- ...Everyone must make mistakes once in a while, no? All you had been trying to do was pursue something great. It was a little overly ambitious, a little over zealous, but that kind of fire should be fed, don't you think? Reigned in, surely, but fed all the same... It is a dazzling fire that, when carefully tamed, can pierce through even the deepest of darknesses... The resolve of a scholar."

palom: [looks at her for a moment] "... That's a very nice way to think. I like that..."

leonora: "-blushes; twiddles her fingers- Thank you, Palom..."

[empressgwenny]

"Gwen,

Well done! You present an insightful reading of the poem and are able to connect it well with Wordsworth's prose. Your writing is strong and clear, for the most part, and you provide a clear understanding of his philosophy. There were certain sections that needed to be clear or supported more, but on the whole, good work!"

banerjee's comment on my midterm that GOT ME A FUCKING A

[empressgwenny]

secretary tiffy: what she goes by on Skype. XD

empress gwenny: xD

empress gwenny: cool

empress gwenny: it's more stylish than

empress gwenny: gwenny and tiffy

empress gwenny: which are actual names

empress gwenny: never mind gwenny is queenly and tiffani is a jewelry store