#h7 posts

[fiveisnumber1]

H7 (minus reader) & Five: *sitting in jail*

Dean: Who are we calling?

Five: I'd call [Reader], but I'd feel safer in jail than telling her what happened.

Viktoria: Good point. Who do we call then?

Lucas: We can call Luther!

Bren: No. We’d call him and you’d talk to him and fully forget to mention we’re in jail.

Dean: Diego…?

Five: Would immediately tell Reader what happened.

Addison: What about Allison or Vanya?

Viktoria: They left town for their “sister’s weekend” yesterday.

Kenny: We could call Klaus.

Five: What? Klaus? No way.

[5 minutes later]

Five: Hey Klaus. Can you come pick my friends and I up from jail?

Klaus: Sure, but why are you in jail?

Five: We may or may not have gotten in a fight with a mall Santa and his elves…

[fiveisnumber1]

My friends and I had a powerpoint night so I would like to present this:

The H7 and their presentations if they had an Umbrella Academy Themed PowerPoint Night

Before getting to know and living with the UA:

Lucas: An Argument For Why Luther Hargreeves Should Adopt Me As His Son (with evidence)

Dean: Why Diego Should’ve Been In Charge of the Academy

Addison: Umbrella Academy and Their Romantic Interests: Deconstructing one segment of a television interview from 2001 using my knowledge of psychology

Kenny: Reasons why I would join cult started by Klaus Hargreeves

Reader: Re-ranking the Umbrella Academy because Reginald Hargreeves is stupid and an asshole

Bren: Historical figures who should’ve died instead of Ben 

Viktoria: Vanya Hargreeves is better than Niccolò Paganini (100% Factual)

After getting to know and living with the UA:

Lucas: An Argument For Why Luther Hargreeves Should Adopt Me As His Son (with more evidence)

Dean: How Diego Could’ve Saved JFK 

Addison: Umbrella Academy and Their (possible) Mental Disorders: Diagnosing how fucked in the head they are using my knowledge of psychology

Kenny: Reasons why Klaus Hargreeves should start a NEW cult!

Reader: Figuring out how and why I associate with large groups of mentally ill children: A Personal Reflection

Bren: Ben Hargreeves should stop worrying about it and possess me already, here’s why.

Viktoria: Why Vanya should use her powers to threaten the US government (just a little)

Bonus:

Five: The first 100 reasons of why I love my girlfriend

[fiveisnumber1]

Dean: GUYS I DON'T THINK WE CAN MANSPLAIN, MANIPULATE, OR MALEWIFE OUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE!

Five: *cracking his knuckles* Manslaughter it is.

Bren: Five…why is that your go to?

Five: Why isn’t it yours?

[fiveisnumber1]

[Everyone eating breakfast in the morning]

Addison: [eyeing up Lucas like he’s a whole meal]

Kenny: Addi, please...it is 9:30 am. We are at breakfast.

Addison: Shut up Mr. “Seven Dating Apps At Once”. I am a grown woman, I do what I want.

Bren: No, Reader is a grown woman. You are a horny 18 year old.

Addison: Yeah so is she!

Reader: Actually with all the time travel I’m not exactly sure how old I am. It’s somewhere between like 18 and 33 probably.

Diego: WHAT?!?! THAT’S NOT THE PART YOU SHOULD’VE DENIED!

[fiveisnumber1]

Dean: [walking into the kitchen for breakfast] Hey, what’s the best way to get rid of a body?

Five: Where’s the body?

Dean: Wait, no. Let me explain.

Reader: You don’t need to explain, it was probably justified but it’s best if we handle it.

Hargreeves: [standing up from the table] We’ll help.

Dean: Guys, no. It’s for a paper for my criminal justice course.

Hargreeves: [slowly sitting back down] Pfft..we totally knew that

Reader: Burn the body until it’s all ash, mix it with cat litter and dispose of it as the cat uses it.

Five: Freeze the body and then put it through a wood-chipper then slowly feed it to a pond of koi or catfish.

Dean: Cool! Thanks!

[fiveisnumber1]

Addison: WE'RE GOING TO BE DUMPED INTO AN ACID BATH?!

Lucas: *taking off his pants to use as a rope to hold them to the pipe on the ceiling* Addi, come here.

Addison: Why are you taking off your pants?

Lucas: You got a better idea?

Addison: I'm still trying to figure out yours!

Kenny and Dean: [Already hanging from their pants on the pipe above]

Kenny: It’s obvious Addison. He’s going to use his pants as a rope.

Dean: Yeah, it’s pretty straight forward.

Lucas: See they get it!

Kenny: Honestly, for someone so invested in communication and psychology I don’t understand how you couldn’t get that Addison.

Addison: [pinching the bridge of her nose] I’m not a mind reader! I-…just rope the pants already…

[fiveisnumber1]

Diego: What the fuck is that noise?

H7: *in pajamas sitting in front of the TV*

Dean: Shhh! We just finished Blue's Clues and Team Umizoomi is up next!

Diego: [sitting down on the couch] This is ridiculous. How can you like this? It's for babies!

*30 minutes later*

Diego: Oh my fucking god. How could they let the Shape Bandit get away AGAIN?! I could do a better job than them!

[fiveisnumber1]

Luther: Seriously, why are we even here?

Dean: No one's taking this shit in broad daylight!

*outside the factory*

Criminal: We're taking this stuff in broad daylight.

Reader: Hey some guys over there are taking stuff in broad daylight

Dean: WHAT?!

Viktoria: [shouting] Hey! Stop taking that stuff!

Criminal: No!

Dean: [pulls out bow and arrow] I SAID NO ONE'S TAKING THIS SHIT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT