process tag game
tagged by lovely @yiiiiiiiikes25 with these instructions: show me a scrap of a scrap doc, an outline, your google doc's tabs, any step or steps for going from idea to publishing. the more particular the better. i will also accept general creative rituals and desk setups. PULL BACK THE CURTAIN.
tag as many people as you have WIPs you feel vaguely guilty about (seven, i have seven).
imma show u all the steps behind my last fic haecceity, so long post ahead, this baby took me fucking forever
this fic is a perfect case-study of why outlining is essential :) mind you it drove me so insane it made me want to write crack fics forever haecceity is a 5k6 one-shot. if we add up the hours i spent writing it, it probably took 3 days in total, and two months of research/plotting/losing my mind :) 1. brainstorming in january, i was balancing three wips and i figured man isn't this just the perfect time to start a new project, mostly motivated by this:
obviously, i couldn't fit any rimming in pro bono considering how i left things in ch12. cute! lil pwp one-shot! so fun! a few weeks later, i'm still brainstorming, because i can't write until i have a working title, and i didn't have one. still, i had a vision of a starved, yearning ronan desperate to get in his husband's ass, and figured what would trigger this hunger would likely be adam's scent, possibly after a few weeks/months apart
basically i decided i was going to put all my lil interests in a blender and go wrrwrrrwrrr
some lines pop-up in my head while i'm at the grocery store:
as it starts to shape in my mind, i think of mstief's god-forsaken timeline and i wonder where the fuck i can fit this canon-compliant fic:
post-greywaren made the most sense to me in the end, because i like to write these boys a little older, but also because i went back to the epilogue and started to get reeeeeally pissed off
maybe i will need plot because what do you mean 1. ronan and adam don't live together and do not have a permanent address 2. no one knows what adam does for a living 3. they do not in fact have the barns since mór and the new fenian LIVE THERE?????
anyways. i go to the sea and catch a screening of mulholland drive.
while working on this in my mind's eye (i have not yet created a doc for it), i am rereading a thousand plateaus by deleuze and guattari and stumble onto this quote i love:
i love this quote so much, firstly because it is beautiful and true. it is also crucial to the understanding of the concept of the body-without-organs, which took my several years to vaguely grasp. lastly, it is key to understand the meaning of haecceity in d&g's work. yay, title :-) haecceity is a pretty word; it means the "thisness" of a thing. it names something more essential than idiosyncrasy, which refers to a notable behavior (or a quirk) you can discern in a thing. haecceity has to do with essence. what makes the thisness of a being? i.e, what makes your father different from "a man"? and most importantly, in the context of my rimming one-shot, what makes the thisness of your lover?
interestingly enough, once you start thinking about what makes your significant other them, you will have to grapple with multiplicities: your lover is a lineage, a body, they are the way their body exists at a given time and place (d&g speak of the body in terms of "longitude" and "latitude", see, still in a thousand plateaus: "You are longitude and latitude, a set of speeds and slownesses between unformed particles, a set of nonsubjectified affects. You have the individuality of a day, a season, a year, a life (regardless of its duration)—a climate, a wind, a fog, a swarm, a pack (regardless of its regularity). Or at least you can have it, you can reach it.).
roughly speaking, deleuze and guattari argue that a body has no existence apart from its time and place, and it is this assemblage that makes our individuality. haecceity is movement and relation; you never exist in a fixed state, you are a longitude and a latitude, two elements of a cartography. you are a becoming.
it is when you miss someone that you ask yourself what makes them them, and often times, you will have to conjure up memories that are distorted by time. a simulated idea of a being, through the lens of your longing. ronan lynch, who in many ways transcends the real, is still subjected to the awful disease of being down bad, perhaps even more so than your regular guy because he is godly, and can usually access the thisness of every thing in the world and beyond. yet, he can't bring himself to conjure up what makes adam adam. (your fate is mortal, your desires are not blablabla). anyways WHO GIVES A FUCK, i start writing!
2. research
jk lol i wrote 800 words and started digging google maps here are some screenshots
i also spent an ungodly amount of time figuring out what month to set this in by checking weather reports in california (santa ana and oceanside have different climates, i wanted sweat)
3. writing (kinda) for some reason i decided i couldn't write this fic on ellipsus so i moved to gdocs and wrote the first version. hahahaha
in version 1, i went really straight to the point, without an outline, because i still really did mean to write a smutty fic and that's it, so it basically went:
ronan being metaphysical
wakes up with adam's scent
feels really catholic and guilty about it, washes it off, goes for a drive
hennessy calls
he parks on a random parking lot and finds adam
sex in the car
beach convo
i actually wrote all those beats in version one. most of them didn't make it to the last version, except this convo with hennessy that i reworked to fit in prose :-)
mostly, the issue i had with version 1 was that i was hinting at plot without committing to it, so i created luiza, this lil dreamer that fucks with ronan's dreams.
in version 2, i kept the same structure but instead of a stopping on a random parking lot, ronan actually drove to oceanside to meet luiza and survives an explosion. then i started daydreaming about ronan kicking the door of an ambulance open... walking hot and covered in soot in oceanside... crying in his car... driving back to san diego... adam waits for him on the parking lot woah it's hot and liminal... hot sex in the hotel room? idk...
lolololol in the meantime i still polish the 1k2 words i have so far
and add sex
thank god @snowdrifting is here to handle my ramblings and mental breakdowns
4. outline lmao
post-snow advice, i decide i could use a blank slate, and at this point this thing is pmo so bad i switch back to ellipsus for a change of scenery. and i actually outline this mf
i had taken enough time to shape it more precisely: i wanted something cyclical, with parts echoing each other so you get into a looping kind of story. in the beats, there is no mention of the dream sequence i actually wrote in the final version, this one i just improv'ed
most of these beats have been written twice/three times. i have a drafts folder in this file with 5k8 words, mostly iterations of the same scene with a diff character (ronan calling matthew in the car after the explosion, for instance)
the car sex scene took three iterations, and the end scene two
i still wasn't sure where to take the ending scene, at least not until i wrote it twice and consulted snow again. i also sent them a copy of the porn without context because i felt like if it didn't work on its own, the whole fic couldn't make sense. :) in the end, the final version strays from the outline. i came back to version 1 for the reunion scene on the liminal parking lot (first thought best thought, i guess.......)
5. editing by the time i had all the beats written, 90% of the fic was edited, because i took long breaks between each beat/each version and i didn't stop polishing in the meantime. i sent the final draft to snow about 20mins after i finished writing the second version of the end scene, and did a last reread before i posted it the next day :-) moral of the story: outlining is great. it will save you a tremendous amount of time. rest assured i'm usually not this fucking insane but this fic meant a lot to me so i wanted to give it time tagging: @snowdrifting @kidspawn and actually i'm tagging you @yiiiiiiiikes25 because i love ur process







