get you a best friend who validates your feelings and tells them they’re worried about you all without saying those actual words they were serving us the content
"Minahal mo 'ko noon, May pangakong kailanman. At minahal rin kita noon ngunit iyong pinabayaan.
At ngayon tapos na tayo, 'Di kita masisisi. Kaya't huwag kang mag-alala, Di na ako aasa, magkita man tayong muli."
Bakit naman ganun yung atake ng lyrics sa kantang "Muli ni Kyla" hahaha nagrandom play lang naman ako gusto ko lang magsoundtrip ngayon lang sa opm pero bakit nanakit? May problema ba tayo kyla? Inaano kita?
Park Seojin would have laughed in someone’s face and called them a liar if they told him, one year ago, that he would be going for an acting try out. An audition to put his face on a screen that wasn’t for a music video. He figured it would be decent practice for... something in the future. Something for him to do as time started to pass by at 200 km/h.
The way he stepped into the audition room was surprisingly formal, though he kept on the rest of his usual demeanor. He was auditioning for a role but he didn’t want to lose track of who he really was.
He was mediocre at best in comparison to the others who would be going for a part but he wouldn’t allow his own skill level dictate his confidence. ( Hell, he even made a point to dress himself up more than usual. A white t shirt and jeans without a rip or scuff mark in sight. Rare for him. )
What he didn’t expect was staying after line readings to answer a random series of questions.
“Love?” It almost felt like they knew, somehow, it would be the subject to make him fidget the most in his chair.
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LOVE TO YOU?
“Ahh. I think love can never have only one clear meaning.” Way to be vague right off the bat. Maybe he was embarrassed to open up. “What I’m trying to say is... there’s so many different forms of love. Family, friends, love for being alive, what you’re doing... romantic.” He seemed to choke on the last word, for obvious reasons. “Love is something that can make you feel like you’re on top of the world but also make you feel like you have a mountain of expectations on your back. I know a lot of people think it’s all for the best but sometimes love is a lot. Though, I’d never ask to not have the feeling of love available to me. It’s one of the most powerful things a human has. Overcoming the odds and stuff like that.” He hummed to himself in thought. “It’s special. So I don’t like to tell someone I love them often. If I do, I feel like it doesn’t have as much meaning.”
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HURT IN LOVE?
“Who hasn't? But it was probably my fault.”
HAVE YOU EVER HURT IN LOVE?
“I hate to be repetitive but ... who hasn’t? But I feel like I’ve done more of the directing hurt at others instead of being hurt, if that makes sense. Not on purpose.” Once on purpose. But only once. He would never admit that out loud to people who didn’t need to know. the real details.
DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS REGARDING LOVE OR A LOVE INTEREST? WHICH?
He preemptively laughed at himself. “I usually like to brand myself as someone who proudly says they don’t have regrets, y’know?” Which wasn’t entirely a lie. He still lived by his no regrets motto to the t. However, there would always be special exceptions. Her. She was on that list of special exceptions. Even if he had her in his heart now, the things he did before still haunted him.
“But yeah, I have regrets. There’s stuff I wish I hadn’t said or done to the girl I didn’t realize I loved back then. It was stupid. I try to rationalize. Like... what teenager hasn’t messed up on some scale with the girl he liked, thinking what he was doing to push her away was to protect her when it really ended up hurting both, in the end. Misplaced sense of pride, is what I had. I wanted to protect her from that, for some reason. My worst fear was having her see me become someone I never was, because I could really feel myself heading in a bad direction. So I thought... it’s better to just make sure she never sees that. In reality, keeping her in my life would have been the best decision. Maybe things wouldn’t have gone so poorly for me. That’s one of the few regrets I have.”
WHAT IS THE IDEAL RELATIONSHIP TO YOU?
“A positive question now, huh?” There was a notable change in his posture. “My ideal...” All he had to do from there was describe the relationship he was already in. Though, there were still aspects that weren’t in their favor.
“I think the best sort of relationship is built on a foundation of trust. If you can’t trust you partner, there’s not much that can be gained from them. I like... communication but also being able to feel like my own person, like I don’t have to eat, sleep, breathe them and they don’t have to either. At the end, we still come together and remember that we’ll always be there. Someone whose presence I can always feel because her words always mean something. And she’s strong, with a spirit that’s got a flame to it. She shows me beautiful smiles and lets me take snapshots of it so I can never forgot how that face looks when I need it the most if she’s not in front of me. She sends me messages out of the blue, even though I prefer phone calls... I would send her every word I could type if it made her happier to talk like that. And she listens to the songs I send her in the middle of the night and wakes up on instinct to listen to them even if it’s 3 in the morning.”
He released a long sigh. “Funnily enough, in this relationship... I’m the type where I don’t say half of the things I said in response to this question... Go figure.” Again, he thought of Jueun and how they managed to go so many months with minimal contact and still felt a pull toward one another. Dare he say, absence made the heart grow fonder?
“The real deal breaker though.. she has to laugh at my jokes. Even if it’s a fake laugh.” Joking, of course. Mostly. “I think I just ended up describing my ideal type on accident.”
IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, WOULD YOU HOLD IT IN OR TELL THEM?
“Tell them. You should always tell someone, no matter what. No matter how much it might hurt you, it’s the best thing to do. Otherwise, what starts out as love festers into something that eats you from the inside. Never hide your feelings for someone. Never. You don’t know if it’s gonna end up being too late. The worst ... anyone could ever say in response is that they don’t love you back. The best being that they love you back just as much, maybe more. When it comes to love, I don’t think you should ever hold anything back or you’ll regret it.”
