I’ve been inactive for awhile. I apologize, I have been struggling with my mental health and a lot of family problems.
I feel guilty for not posting on this account, I check it every day and I feel this sinking feeling of disappointment and guilt for not providing updates as usual as I used to. I haven’t been in a good mindset and my writing feels forced and it’s not my best work
As of now, I need to decide what will be discontinued and what will continue on once I gain some time and confidence back
Please by all means voice your opinion on which stories to keep!
Right now I have these stories on the possible discontinue list:
-Past mistakes (sadly)
- After all
- Tony’s widow
- Motherly intuition
- (the last part to the) sexiest man alive’s Photographer wife
My reasoning for the possible discontinuing of most of my stories:
Past mistakes.. is my favorite writing of mine on here. It’s a story I really liked and enjoyed posting
After my last update, I didn’t like where I took the story and ultimately don’t like the story as much as I should.
95% of me wants to scrap the last chapter and fix it. The other 5% wants to abandon the story completely. It doesn’t do as well as it used to, and my joy for it isn’t the same. I have other books in drafts that I personally like more
Tony’s widow.. hm, I really liked where I was going with this one. But, the plot of she-hulk didn’t fit it the best. Don’t know if I’ll continue it. But I like the character I created but don’t know if she should end up with Tony or Bruce
After all… two parts are out. It’s a cute story, might make it into a short story. Not a long one, need to edit some of the published parts if I continue it
Motherly intuition… I LOVE this story, but it’s been so long since ds:mom came out I feel like it’s gonna flop lol. I’m 85% sure I’ll post one or two more parts to wrap up the little story
Sexiest man alive’s photographer wife.. was just a blurb I wanted to put out there and it did really well surprisingly. Had another sort of story in my drafts from the puppy interview and made a small adaption to make this story. I feel like I covered the story for the most part, idk if I really need another part, if you guys think so I can make a short and sweet ending part!
Cora steps out of the house as I mumble out “He hates me.”
My mom shakes her head saying “No, honey..”
Cora says “y/n, your fiancée is asking for you.” My frown deepens and my dad says “Cora, not now. Why would you possibly invite the Evans’ and Peter?”
Cora says “I don’t know, I thought she sorted out her issues. Like an adult-” “Enough. Cora, send Peter home.” My mom quickly says
Cora says “I have to? Why should I send her fiancée home?”
I pull away from my mom saying “I never signed my divorce papers. Chris legally…”
“Oh my god y/n! How could you possibly be that immature.”
Walking away from them my mom says “Honey! Please-”
I shake my head as I look to down the street. My blue little rental car stopped in front of Lisa Evans’ house. The childhood home of all the Evans kids
Walking away my mom gets into a disagreement with Cora. I approach the house, knocking on the door rudely. I shout “I will climb through the window!”
It swings open a minute later and Scott says “He doesn’t want to talk with you.” I nod saying “I don’t care.”
I walk past him, walking through to the kitchen as I stop at the sight of Chris leaned against the counter, drinking a beer.
“Don’t wanna talk to you right now.”
“Yeah, I didn’t really want to speak with Pete today either but you felt the need to step in.”
He scoffs saying “You weren’t even planning on ending things with him. I saw it in your expression when he kissed you.”
I scoff saying “My expression? Only thing I was thinking of was you while he forcefully kissed me!”
He sighs saying “I think I...” I interrupt him saying “Need to just let this go.” He continues saying “need to leave.”
I look to him confused saying “What?”
Chris shrugs saying “I didn’t like meeting the man you’ve been with after you abandoned me. Knowing that you were a completely different person with him. You weren’t even the person I married when I saw you with him. The way he described your life. God, who are you??”
I shake my head saying “You’ve changed too. You can’t blame me for everything. I wasn’t the sole reason we’re even in this situation. I ran because I had too. When Jack died... I died.”
“You don’t think I grieved him too? That I was hurting?”
“Not in the same way! I needed out. I was suffering. I was in pain.”
He shakes his head saying “So was I. I was grieving. And all I wanted then and needed was you. And you left me.”
I frown as tears well up “And I needed to be away from you.”
“You always ran from your problems. And it just seems like you’re looking for a reason to run away from us, all over again. You left me. You walked away! You ran half way across the United States..”
“I needed it. I needed change.”
“You needed me out of your life. You think I was fine after Jack died? I was left with all these reminders of the wife that abandoned me and my son that died. You left his room, half way cleaned out. I was a shell of myself because of you.”
I shake my head saying “I couldn’t leave his room after the funeral. You don’t remember that? Carrying my body out of his room every night? The struggle to get me to eat? You didn’t need the commitment of taking care of me. I couldn’t function.. I was in a bad place. I couldn’t stay.”
He says “I was getting us through it. Together. Just like everything else we were hit with.”
“Losing him was nothing in comparison to the other things. I wanted to die. I felt empty. I lost a part of myself and I’ll never get that back. So you’re right. I changed. Not because of Pete. Or any other stupid excuse. I changed because I lost the one thing we did right. The one thing we made that was truly amazing. I needed him.”
He nods and says “And I needed you.”
I shake my head saying “No you didn’t.”
“Yes I did! You were the only constant thing in my life for so long.”
I drop my hands to my side saying “The wife, and best friend you needed wasn’t me then. I was a pathetic shell of myself. You had to take care of me like I was a child. You were my husband. Not my father. You never should have had to take care of me in that way. That is why I ran. You were unhappy. Even if you didn’t want to admit it then.”
He scoffs saying “Through better or worse? That’s a part of marriage. You needed me and I was fine being there.”
“It wasn’t your job..”
“Then what was! I was in pain watching you grieve. Hurt more than losing Jack, I swear. Felt like you were slipping away from me. I was only trying to hold us above water. We would’ve drowned in sadness, Jules.”
I frown and step towards him as his emotions bubble to the surface. He shakes his head, stepping back from me.
I wipe my tears quickly, saying “That wasn’t your burden to take on.”
“You were my wife. I understood the way you were feeling, not like I could have sat around watching you suffer. Whether you like it or not, you needed me.”
I nod saying “I’ve always needed you. Always.”
He shakes his head saying “I can’t stay here. In this town, this state.”
“Then we can go. I can-”
He sighs saying “Without you.”
My arms cross over my body and I say “Chris..”
He motions towards the door saying “You’re right, we’ve both become completely different people. You aren’t the girl I married and I’m not the man you married. We’re completely different people.”
I shake my head, slowly becoming desperate. “Stop. Chris just wait.”
He says “Playing house, pretend, isn’t what I want. We aren’t who we used to be.”
“Will you quit being so cynical!”
“I’m being realistic! Stop living in fucking fantasy land and look at your surroundings! Our marriage is over! It’s a pathetic excuse of a marriage.”
Tears fall quickly and I shout “Stop it! Stop screaming at me that our marriage is over!”
“It is! Open your eyes!”
“Fuck you!” I push him and he shakes his head saying “Arguing means happy marriage right! Right Jules! Right?!”
I shake my head turning away from him and then back his way “Couples fight.”
“You wanted your divorce, I’m giving it to you. Take whatever fucking assets you want. I want out. Now.”
I glare at him saying “Coward!” as he turns towards the open sliding glass door. He pauses, turns and says “I’m the coward? Maybe we could’ve patched things up if you hadn’t ran from me!”
“Every argument you’re gonna bring this up aren’t you! If I didn’t run nothing would be wrong with our marriage right?! Everything’s on me! My genetics killed Jack. I’m the reason he’s dead. Right?”
He turns towards me, mouth open and shakes his head. “Bring our dead son into this, shift the conversation again, Jules. And for fucks sake, you aren’t the reason he’s dead. Tell me you don’t believe that!”
I shrug and say “You used to look at me so differently before he died. Then you changed the way you looked at me. It was so different and I know you blamed me. I saw your change. You never looked at me the same.”
He sighs as he punches the wall lightly “Your right, I looked at you differently. Not because I blamed you. Because I felt sorry for you.”
“I didn’t need your pity.”
He huffs out a breath saying “But you needed me to not be a mess. And that effected me.”
“I didn’t tell you how to grieve. I didn’t ask you to-”
“But I did. I don’t regret it, especially after everything you did for me. I loved you too much to do any differently.”
I stare at him as silence covers the conversation and I say “So you’re gonna run, pull a Jules. Leave me the emotional wreck.”
He nods saying “Yeah, only this time you have someone to comfort you. I’m sure Pete would be happy to provide you comfort.”
I glare at him as he reaches into a kitchen drawer pulling a yellow envelope out. My expression changes and I say “Just wait a minute. Cora invited Peter. I didn’t invite him. You know I was going to have a conversation with him.”
He nods saying “You love him, Jules. I’m not gonna stand in the way of that.”
I frown and say “How would you know?”
“You look at him the way I look at you.”
I shake my head, quickly turning into an emotional mess as he grows blurry from the tears. “No. I don’t look at him the way I look at you. Chris... it’s always been you. You know this.”
“You can’t help who you love. You need uncomplicated love. Not me. All we ever do is hurt each other. Let him love you, and just... make sure your happy.”
I scoff saying “I won’t be happy with him. Don’t do this.”
I reach to grab the divorce papers out of his hand and he strides forward with the pen in his other hand
Stepping out of the door I follow him, through the new rain showers Boston area is wonderfully experiencing.
I shout “Don’t walk away from me, Christopher! I am still your wife!”
“A few signatures and you aren’t.”
“Why are you doing this to me?!”
I grab his hand, looking at him as rain pours down my face in the dark night. I shake my head saying “There’s no one else like you. I don’t know how to live without you. Why do you think I couldn’t sign those stupid papers all those years? You can do fine without me. You’ve made that clear... but me... you’re all I know. All I’ve loved.”
He pauses, and says “Maybe it’s time you’ve moved on. Grown up.”
He skims the tears on my cheek off my face and pulls away from me. I watch, frozen in place as he jerkily signs his signature throughout the papers. Water dripping through the papers and he shoves them back into the envelope
I reach to pull it from his hand saying “No..”
He pushes it through the blue slot and just like that, it’s gone.
He feels sadness flush through his expression as I sink to the ground beside the mail box sobbing. Shaking my head saying “You idiot.”
Regret fills his body and he looks at the box, thinking about shoving his hand in the anti theft slot
To retrieve possibly the biggest mistake he’s made.
We hear shouting as Lisa and my mom shout for us. Chris looks to me and it’s like we’re 15 again. Running in the rain and our parents shouting for us to come in
Just in his expression I can see he feels the same way
I shake my head saying “I loved you. I still do.”
“Sometimes, that’s not always enough.”
It always was enough for us...
He nods saying “Mazel tov on the engagement.” He pushes the car keys into my hand quickly, his hand lingering in my grasp
He steps away and leaves me. Leaves me like I left him years ago.
I look to the blue box, quickly pulling on the handle and attempting to retrieve the envelope. My mom runs towards me through the rain as I become a mess extremely quickly
My hand not even getting close to the envelope I feel my mom pull me away from the box hugging me tightly
She says “It’s okay.”
“He divorced me. He’s gone. For good.”
I sink into her grasp, “Oh honey...”
“He doesn’t want me anymore.”
What Chris and I didn’t realize was the condition of the papers, what was missing from them.
My signature on nearly every important page.
The ink running on every signature of his. Making it completely invalid. Not legal.
But who’s to say that will change anything?
“I loved him so much.”
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
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Oh jeez, goodness. This was a painful chapter. So a time jump will be next and I’ll start wrapping the story soon-ish? I have a few more things to address and then I will. Thoughts? Opinions?
Time jump should be interesting. Should Pete know about her ex-husband? There not so long ago sexual relationship? Hehe should be an interesting next couple chapters.
I can feel the inspiration already!
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