Wishing Only Wounds the Heart || Selfie/Hallows Event
Blythe sat back, looking at the letter, unopened. Thinking about what she just realized floored her. All that she'd been doing with Greg, all that she'd been feeling with him finally came crashing in on her and she finally realized what it was. She felt it so very strong and she couldn't believe it. She'd never felt this before. She was in love with Greg. She had never loved anyone in her whole life, not like this. Love wasn't something she had growing up. Yes, she loved her parents and they loved her, but it wasn't a thing they said or spoke about. She even loved Alyssa. She was her sister and she would do anything for her.
But this was a different kind of love. She was in love with Greg and she knew it. She knew it and she could feel it all the way through her being. It was all encompassing and all she wanted to do was run to Greg and tell him... But she couldn't... Not looking like this. She couldn't go to him looking like this at all. He'd never let her live this down, even if he did or could feel the same about her. It was too much to think of. She was in someone else’s body, a body that wasn’t her own, not even her voice was her own. She wanted her own self back.
She wanted to be able to go to him and tell how she was feeling, but at the same time, she wasn’t sure he would even feel the same in return, so that was keeping her grounded, keeping her from running off to him anyway. She could convince him that she was herself, there were things she knew about him, things no one else in the world knew about him, that alone could prove it to him, but there was things they had done together, things only the two of them would knew they did together. She hadn’t told Alyssa and she was sure he hadn’t told anyone else, and even if he had, they wouldn’t know exactly what they had done, but she could still convince him she was herself.
That wasn’t enough of a reassurance for her right now though. She wanted to go to him, but if he didn’t feel the same in return, she didn’t want to deal with that rejection. Just the incident before they went to the batting cages was enough to show her that she really couldn’t go to him. She couldn’t go to him and tell him how she felt without any indication of how he felt... and she was sure he didn’t... but there was a possibility that he could... maybe. She wasn’t ready to make that leap, not just yet. She had to focus on her predicament right now and not her life that she wanted to desperately to get back to. She wanted to get back in her own body and she couldn’t do anything else until she was.
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
I'm Not That Girl, Wicked