#hals talks

[lavenderhuez]

im quitting my job!!!! to become a full time artist!!!!!!!!!! im terrified but this is what i want!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!

[lavenderhuez]

"you're so cool. Thank you random man on the Internet" <-me to myself after watching a video on the origin of the idiom 'sick as a dog'

[lavenderhuez]

i wish someone would hit me so hard that i go into a coma for four weeks

[lavenderhuez]

feeling stressed. My bppv keeps acting up and my new job requires me to be on my feet all day, and often up really early, which makes it worse. It also means i get the shits real bad when an episode occurs. last time i tried working like this i literally shit my pants because i couldnt stop what i was doing in time and the swell of nausea overcame me and then it just... yeah.

i literally can't stand without having to immediately go to the restroom. how am i going to survive 4 hours of manual labor and customer service on top of it? ughhhhhhhh

[lavenderhuez]

Hiii it's ask wave time~ who are ten of your favorite characters? Don't worry it doesn't have to be ranked in order, and it doesn't even have to be ten if you don't want! Just who stands out to you?

ok, here we go! Not in order but they're all my fave for one reason or another.

Rapunzel from Tangled (2010)

Stitch from Lilo and Stitch (2002)

Lilo from Lilo and Stitch (2002)

James Pleiades Hawkins from Treasure Planet (2002)

Tiffany from Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

Steven Universe from Steven Universe (2013-2020)

Rose Quarts from Steven Universe (2013-2020)

Miquella the Unalloyed from Elden Ring (2022/2024)

Queen Marika of the Golden Order from Elden Ring (2022/2024)

Helena/Helly from Severance (2024) (this could technically count as two people but im considering it one)

The one who stands out the most to me, at least right now, is probably Miquella the Unalloyed from Elden Ring. I love his story and character so much. I love how beautifully deceptive and cunning he is, and all under a misguided desire for a type of love and peace. I love characters who are emotionally damaged children (and their horrible parents).

[lavenderhuez]

i've been thinking a lot about severance as an analogy for ptsd. i have c-ptsd and large parts of my upbringing are completely blacked out. but i met some of my closest friends and loved ones during those blackout times, so for a long time i didnt know who i was. i would wrestle often within myself thinking "i don't know who i am! how can these people like me if im practically nothing?" i wasnt there in the moments i met those people. In form, perhaps, but not in presence. hell, i couldnt even remember meeting them!! so was that me? some part of me? did we want the same thing? when i was at my lowest lows in those times i had no "me" to reference or hold on to good or bad memories from. there was just nothing. just emptiness. just "delaware" to put in in severance terms

i've done a lot of therapy and dissociative work and now i dont have almost any blackout timelines unless my stressors and triggers are really high.

so i often think about severance as an analogy for many mental health related issues, but especially for ptsd and dissociative disorders, because it feels so similar!! going to an elevator where you put on your "Im On Brave Duty and that means Shutting Every Bad Thing Out" and then you have all these horrors happen but you cant remember them. but they're still things you endure and experience, even so.

Part of my body still remembers and holds that pain with me. and only through a lot of work and love have the parts come together. Reminds me of petey when he says he feels the severed parts of himself all the way back to when he was 5 years old. It's still there. it still lives in you. the experience lives in you, even if the memory is blacked out.

Maybe we should all be kinder to ourselves about our pain.

[lavenderhuez]

Even my spouses rich white grandparents say that things are only going to get worse in the US makes me really really stressed

PLEASE SOMEONE LET ME SELL MY CITIZENSHIP FOR $5MILL SO I CAN MOVE AWAY PLEEEEEASE

[lavenderhuez]

i just have to say, im really glad codpieces went out of style. i dont want to see one of those out in nature. i dont need to know about that