#hans;

[adamstarke]

📸 for hansie

[adamconnelly]

it’s a pretty good bad idea

@hans-starke

2017 | I know what’s right for me

Now that, Adam thinks to himself, is just not fair.

The man is good-looking in such a way that it’s honestly disquieting. Tall, blond, broad shoulders - all wrapped up in a perfectly tailored suit. Blame it on the drinks, or maybe just the nature of temptation, but Adam catches himself watching for a long moment. The stranger is all charming smiles as he talks with a senator that Adam only vaguely recognizes, and Adam is curious. In all honesty, he might be staring. It’s only when he finds his eyes trailing the strong jawline that he stops it altogether. 

You’ve been good, he tells himself, the mantra he’s used for so long. Keep it that way.

It’s not intended to be anything at all. In all actuality, that should have been the end of it.

Except he’s at the bar, waiting to catch a bartender’s attention - something that’s usually easy, given his height - when the other man has suddenly materialized at his elbow. 

“Connelly, right? Virginia?”

Adam’s still not used to that - the way people know who he is, because it’s their job. There’s a hand being offered. Against what may be his better judgment, Adam takes it.

“Johannes Starke.” He continues, with a smile. He has very white teeth and a strong grip, and he oozes a sort of self-assuredness that Adam envies immediately. “I’m with Oil.” Lobbyist is what that implies. Adam realizes he should have known this, probably just by looking at him.

Adam nods, and tries not to think too much about how he’s struck by a wave of cologne, or the all-too-charming smile. “Johannes Starke.” He repeats his name back - and unknowingly butchers it. “Pleasure. Call me Adam.” (He won’t for another two years - unless he wants something.)

“Then call me Hans.” There’s a beat, then the man - Hans - looks at him. “Can I buy you a drink?”

(“You were probably the last person to pick up on it, you know that?” Hans tells him, years later. He’s amused. “That I was flirting with you. Do you know how hard I tried to get you to notice?”)

---

2018 | It’s time we just let this thing go

They don’t talk often or spend much time together, but Adam would say they’re friends. His immediate impulses are long forgotten, ignored. It wouldn’t be the first time this has happened. He’s talked himself out of it and he doesn’t really think about it anymore.

It’s business talk, mostly, when they need something from each other. They run into each other at events and make conversation - about sports (Hans, Adam learned quickly, is a Yankees fan, and there’s always that friendly rivalry in baseball season) or about politics (the energy bill, which becomes a point of partnership).

Hans is always charming - never a single crack in the mask. (Adam hasn’t earned that from him yet.) 

Everything between them is strictly professional. Connelly and Starke. Adam doesn’t mind. Prefers it, to letting his mind wander too far in what feels like the wrong directions. Seeing him just enough to get to know him.

But never enough to get attached.

---

2019 | Hold me tight as I tell myself that you might make sense

He’s attached.

It’s like the opening of floodgates. The tiniest of openings and it all came rushing - 2 years of something he’d buried so deep even he didn’t acknowledge it was there. He wonders if Hans always knew, but he’s too afraid to hear the answer, and so he doesn’t ask.

They sit side by side against Hans’s car, slowly making their way through a bottle of wine and some terrible packaged cupcakes, and Adam thinks that maybe he’s never been this happy in his life. It’s strange to think that even though he grew up with the world at his fingertips, he finds happiness in the simplicity.

In the dim light, the quiet now that they’ve said all they wanted to say, Adam takes a chance to look at him. He looks no different than he ever has - the details are more or less the same, except now he experiences it differently. He has the chance, now, to let his fingertips brush that sharp line of Hans’s jaw. The same hand Hans had offered to shake two years ago has found a comfortable home on Adam’s thigh near his knee.

A little more wine and Hans’s lips are on his neck - positioned just so the mark he leaves will be hidden under Adam’s shirt collar tomorrow morning.

“I could get used to this,” Adam says, and he feels the way Hans smiles against his skin. Jesus. That alone is worth it.

“Yeah?” Hans prompts, but then his lips work their way up to Adam’s again - not giving him the chance to say he means more than just the kisses.

---

2020 | Let’s see this through

He’s still in disbelief that this is happening, though the absolute best kind - awe, more than anything. The hangover’s passed and he’s walking on air, the two of them standing and staring into glass cases at a dizzying wealth of options.

Honestly, Adam is looking at Hans more than he’s looking at the rings. Watching the way his eyes trail along the different bands. When no one is looking, Adam’s hand is on the small of Hans’s back, intimately close.

“That one.” Hans finally says, a finger pressed to the glass in front of them. “Right?” Adam looks, and he immediately smiles, breathlessly happy as he takes in the gold and silver, what it all means.

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. “That’s the one.”

He’s in awe of it, really, and that shows as they sit down to lunch afterward. He’s damn near obsessed, holding Hans’s left hand and letting his thumb brush over the ring.

He’d never have imagined this - not even six months ago, let alone three years, when Hans was just an undeniably handsome stranger in a hotel ballroom.

Adam’s in too deep, as he’s always been. Over his head. “It’s pathetic,” he tells Hans, as they’re finishing their meal. “I never stood a chance, did I?”

Hans smiles, that blindingly white smile. It still makes him weak in the knees.

Now that, Adam thinks to himself, is just not fair.

[adamstarke]

Adam Starke | Instagram

Adam basically never posts on Instagram. He sort of just doesn’t see the point, and mostly uses it to see what other people post. But every once in a while he throws something up there. These posts are definitely months old, and he probably won’t update until he puts up a sappy Christmas post. Featuring his rich white man hobbies of golf, sailing, and whisky tastings, and a picture of his husband ( @hstarke ) which is probably accompanied by an unnecessarily long and extremely gay caption.

[adamconnelly]

# for hans

Contact: Hans

Ringtone: 12:51 - The Strokes

Text: [8/27/19 19:55] Im just saying before summer is over I want to take you out on the boat - maybe next weekend?

[8/27/19 19:56] We can talk about it when you get here

[adamconnelly]

adam connelly & hans starke

@hans-starke

What a whirlwind difference from before. It was the sort of outcome Hans had wished for, but never truly expected: Adam, whose actions say, 

We shouldn’t. But we will anyway. [x]

[adamconnelly]

what if hans broke up with him?

Anon why would u say this

I think it would depend on exactly what happened - why Hans broke up with him and what exactly the conversation entailed. Overall, I think he’d definitely be heartbroken, especially because in some ways, Hans is his first real, serious relationship. Depending on how it happened, it might also spook him away from ever coming out or fully opening up. Though chances are that he might not even blame Hans for making the choice.

[adamconnelly]

✧ For Hans

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).