#happyerinn

[per-ni-cious]

Untitled.

You guys probably didn't know, but we had a month of 'summer break', known by many as June Holidays, or which I prefer, sembreak. Yea, it's only for a month. And I've only got a week of it left. Bummer. We have a Student Council Day Camp tomorrow and on Tuesday, and then maybe I'm going to Sentosa with my friends on Friday. Aside from that, I haven't really done anything for the past 3 weeks. Went shopping once and had a movie "marathon" with my girls just last Wednesday. The rest of the days were spent sleeping and having movie marathons on my own. Which I think is awesome. :> 

Ohwell, back to school on the 25th. :\ Guess who's not looking forward to it? Me. This sem, I'm really really just gonna concentrate on my academics and dance. I've got to pull up my grades ! I especially have to get good grades since I'm going back to Philippines this November for 9th grade. And come to think of it, it'll be pretty tough. Since I'm only gonna finish sophomore year this October and then jump to mid of 9th grade on November ! I know it'll be worth it anyway, and I know I can do it. It's a heavy load to miss half of Junior year, but ohwell. I'm pretty psyched tho, just 4 more months till I leave. Just 4 more months till a new life, new school, new people. 

But then again, it won't be easy to leave everything I've got, here. I'll be leaving my bestfriends, and the dance club. Honestly, those are the only 2 things that's keeping me from going. It wont be easy to leave my crew, it'll be heartbreaking to leave my bestfriends. But we made a promise to eachother that we'll keep in touch. And besides, they're going to go back after high school anyway :) 

I'm gonna stop now before I get all soppy. Haha. Anyway, hello to my new followers, I hope we can be friends ! :) That's all for now, I haven't got anymore in mind to post about. Ciao <3

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Alam niyo yung sarcastic? Ako yun.

Lola: Ay, alas-dosen. (Ay, alas-dose na pala [Oh, it's 12am])

Me: Haan, haan pay. (Hindi, hindi pa [Nahh, not yet)]

Lola: Ay? Amom metten di agsao ti illocano? (Marunong karin pala mag-illocano? [Oh? You understand illocano too?])

Me: Haan ah, haan ko ammo. Dyak ma-awatan. (Ay hindi po, hindi ko po alam. Hindi ko po naiintindihan [Nahh, I dont know illocano, I can't understand])

Lola: HAHAHAHA ! :))

Oh, utas ang lola ko eh ! hahahahah !

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I'm happy too !

I've been back reading my blog and personal post tagged under #happyerinn and I just realised how melodramatic I sound ._. Okay guys, my life isn't all that bad okay? I just really like to type out my feelings when I'm feeling low. I have happy moments too, but I prefer dwelling in them before the moment passes. I always tell myself that I'm gonna blog about what happens when I have a good day, but I'm too lazy for that. I don't even know why. 

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11.33pm

I just woke up 30 minutes ago.

WAT.

fucked up sleeping schedule right there.

Soooo glad I don't have to go to school tomorrow :')

I guess I wont be sleeping till the sun rises too. 

[per-ni-cious]

Binaural Beats.

Tried it out for an hour and a half just now and tried to lucid dream. The closest I got to was being half-conscious. Gave up after a while due to the never ending distractions and disturbances caused by my family members. I'll try it again when I get home tomorrow. But damn, I though it didn't work but when I took my headphones off and got up, I felt so trippy and dizzy and just so asdfghjkl. I could barely walk without tripping on my own two feet and ended up collapsing on the sofa. I still feel kind out of this world but Im fully aware that I'm awake.

Meanwhile, it's 12.26 am and I have a Literature exam tomorrow which I have not studied for and I am eating a slice of cold hawaiian pizza. 

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And weird ng pana-ginip ko *.*

Ano kasi, nandun si Kuya Joshua (childhood friend ko na laging lasing), si Josh (unang crush ko nung first year high school), tapos ewan ko kung sino yung isa. LOL. 

Anyway, yung starting eh nasa Library ako, tas yung library na yon, napa-naginipan ko na noon, but I'ver never been to that place. May hinahanap ata ako na libro tapos may nag-Hi sakin. Yun yung hindi ko nga kilala. Tapos usap-usap hanggang hinatid niya ako sa may kanto ata. Tas yun nga, blablabla, kwentuhan hanggang sa sabi niya, "pwede ba mang ligaw?" Tapos ako daw, disagree agad. Ewan ko kung bakit. Tas yun, umalis na siya. Nung palakad na ako, naka-salubong ko naman si Josh. Tapos parang pa-lasinglasing eh mga 8 palang ata dun sa panaginip ko. Lakad lakad lang siya, hanggang sa inirapan na naman ako. Ewan ko, kahit sa totoong buhay, sa school, iniirapan ako nun. Well, hindi naman irap, more of "soulless stare" gets? yung tititig ba na blanko yung mukha niya. Ang dami ko ng times na nahuli yun nakatingin, miski mga kaibigan ko, napansin din. Back to my dream, LOL, nung dumaan siya, tinawag ko. Nag-sorry ata ako kung ano man ang nagawa ko at irap siya ng irap sakin. Tas nung palapit siya, halos di maka-paglakad hanggang na-tapid siya at na laglag towards sakin. Buti ako hindi natumba, pero yung pag-salo ko sakanya eh parang pa-hug. Ang weird lang. Sabi niya, wala naman daw akong ginawang mali, galit lang daw siya sakin kasi, yung kaibigan niya ang crush ko ngayon, imbis na siya. Kasi daw, siya naman daw kasi ang una kong nagustuhan, bakit pinag-palit koa pa. LOL. Tangina langs. Kasi hindi naman niya alam na naging crush ko siya noon eh. HAHAHAHA. Tapos nung sinasabi niya yun, super lapit pa nung mukha namin kasi nga, naka-hug parin ako sakanya. Tas ayun, dumating naman s Kuya Joashua at tinanong kung anong ginagawa namin. Pero bago ko napakawalan si Josh sa hug, nilapit niya ng mabagal yung face hanggang sa halos nag-touch na yung lips namin. LECHILLS. Miski tulog ako, nag-kachills parin. HAHAHA. Hindi ako maka-galaw nun. Tapos sabi niya "Why not me?", then umalis na siya kasama si Kuya Joshua na may hawak na beer.

Ewan, ang weird lang, kasi natatandaan ko ang mga panaginip ko na parang nangyari talaga. And wala akong mga nakakalimutan na parts. Samantalang, diba ang dream eh surreal? So parang, wala kang ma-reremember or anything. Pero ako, super vivid na ewan. :\ 

Ok, isa na naman na walng kwentang post. Hais~

[per-ni-cious]

Ayoko nito ):

Meron kasi akong bestfriend nung grade 1 hanggang 2, super kulit niya. I mean, namin. Hahah. Basta, bestfriend ko siya noon. Tapos, nung grade 3, hindi na kami naging mag-kaklase so medyo parang nawala din yung frienship namin. Tapos, pumunta ako ng Singapore after grade 3. Di ko na ulit siya nakita. 6 years na. Walang contact or whatsoever. Then, nakita ko facebook niya, in-add ko pa kasi noon yung mga ka batch ko sa Canossa. Grabe, super gwapo na niya. As in. Bigla ko naalala nung mga grade 1 and grade 2 pa kami. Haha. Nung tumawag siya sa bahay namin, tapos yung mga ate at kuya niya, tinuturuan siya kung anong sasabihin. Basta, ang cute. Tas, pag nasa klase, laging kami daldalan kasi seatmates nga. Tas ang iingay namin. Basta, masaya siya kasama noon. Ayon, pag-nakikita ko yung mga pictures na sa newsfeeds ko, parang yung bituka ko eh nabubuhol tapos ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Gaaah. Ano yon? Ewan ko. Sheees. Pero, taken na siya ): Tas pag nakikita ko mga pictures na kasama si girlfriend, parang na-iinggit ako? Ano to? Imposible naman na selos ako, kasi hello, ang tagal ko na siyang hindi nakita. 6 years kaya ! Basta, selos ako na parang inggit. LOL. As if naman crush ko siya diba? Hindi na nga kami naguusap or whatsoever eh. I doubt na tanda niya pa ako anyway. 

Medyo natatakot lang ako, kasi, babalik na ako sa pinas this year. So, sa gitna ng school year, papasok ako as 3rd year. Kasi kailangan ko pa tapusin ang 2nd year dito, which is october pa ang tapos. Moving on, baka maging ka-schoolmate ko pa siay ! T___T Kasi either La Salle or Canossa naman ang papasukan ko eh. 50-50 chance na maging schoolmate ko ulit siya. AYOKOOOOOOOO! T___T Kasi naman, baka maging crush ko pa siya or whatsoever diba? Pero eeeek. Ewan, ang gulo ko. Walang kwenta tong post nato. Hahaha. 

Pero sana lang, tanda niya pa ako. Haha. Kasi hindi ko pa siya nalilimutan. Sino ba naman kasi ang nakaka-limot ng bestfriend diba? 

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Balang araw, titigil din ako sa pag-mamahal sayo.

I wish I knew how to hate you, but a part of me is still very much in love with you. I wish I knew how to forget you, but the memories won't stop haunting me. I wish I knew how to deal with how I feel right now, cuz it fucking hurts. I guess things don't really change overtime, cause the feelings I had for you 2 years ago are still here. Buried deep inside my heart. 

So I ask myself, do I really like my current crush right now, for who he is? Or do I only  like him because he reminds me of you? See, only shit like this happens to me. I try to get over you, and then I find someone who reminds me of you and end up liking that person for over a year now. This is bullshit man. Why can't I just let you go? Why won't these regrets and memories leave me alone? 

There's so many things I want to say to you. I want to tell you I miss you, that I miss our friendship, our late night conversations, our heart-to-heart talks, our random debates, I miss us. It fucking hurts man. To know that you're doing completely fine with me out of your life, yet I'm here, drowning in regret because I lost the person who means alot to me. I lost the person who cared for me. I lost the person was there for me. Sure I had my bestfriends and mom who cared for me and were there for me and they mean so much to me as well, but having you was different. I could tell you things I couldn't bear them to know. 

I still wish I had you. I still wish I could take you back. I still wish, that we are still part of each other's life. But no, I can't have you, I can't take you back, and I'm completely out of your life even when you still play a huge part in mine.

I thought I was already over you, but obviously, I'm not.