If there were true gods, then they were cruel and unfair. Nothing of what was spoken of when praying. So when, one day, Kain Highwind awoke with no memories and called to fight for a "goddess," he was quite skeptical.
'No memories' was an overexaggerated phrase. He remembered how to do things, like speak and fight and walk. He remembered what he liked and what he loathed, how to clean armor and make weapons and how one should act in front of certain audiences. He remembered what was healthy to eat and drink and what was poisonous, what stars were and what they meant to him, which way was north and what time was acceptable to sleep. General things like this that he could use in any situation.
However, when it came to the finer details-- his childhood, how he ended up here, who his parents and siblings were-- he drew a complete blank. It was frustrating at best, because he just knew that something more important than, say, a lover or best friend was hidden in those memories that seemed sealed off by an invincible wall. They were all there; he simply could not reach them. He felt no more empty and no more lacking than he did on a normal day, though he would be the first to admit that he could not remember what a normal day consisted of.
Over time, he had learned things here and there that slowly put the situation into perspective. He knew that he was fighting in an 'endless' war. He knew that, as fights broke out and as he participated in them, his memories would slowly become his again. He knew that he had lost in the previous battle-- to who? He would like to find out so he knew to avoid them or take them out quickly.-- and that every time he lost, his memories would once again be confiscated so that he might be reborn. He knew that every battle so far had been won by the other side. He knew that he would lose again, as each battle bears less hope for victory. As things stood, not only would his side lose this time, but it may be a permanent defeat. They were not up against only Chaos warriors, and they never had been. There were manikins to deal with, crystalline imitations of ally and foe alike. There were more now than there ever had been, and with Chaos at the peak of its strength, Cosmos was in for a rough ride with only the guarantee of an explosive crash at the end.
Of course they would still fight. That's why they were called in the first place; because they would fight, and they would not give up, no matter how bad the odds. Kain knew things were never so simple, but he longed to grab Cosmos by her hair and Chaos by his horns and bash their heads together as he might with the quarreling dragoons he once trained. (Though, admittedly, this was a more recently regained memory, and he may not have been the commander at all.) Maybe the essence of harmony was getting to him, but it seemed to him that Chaos and Cosmos should be working together to maintain the world that they were tearing asunder. He did not wish for any side to win this, as he thought that both were necessary elements of a proper world. And still, if any side won, he hoped it was Cosmos. Unlikely, but it bore the best outcome if they could only reach it.
Knowing what he did, Kain developed a new strategy, better than what was already in place. With the guidance of Golbez and the aid of the Warrior of Light (and damn him, he needed a name.), he began to do something he had always sworn to himself he would not: intentionally betraying his allies, taking them out one by one. Of course, he was not killing them-- that's what would happen if he weren't doing what he was. The manikins would destroy them. Instead, he was injuring them to the point of passing out, healing their wounds, and setting them to slumber in an undisclosed location. In this way, they were not dead, and yet disabled soundly to be considered "defeated." Eventually, the cycle of war would break, and they would be sent into the next battle. There would be no memories, but hopefully they would still be at the strength they were when they were knocked out.
He knew he would not survive this course of action, but that was fine with him. Someone had to do it, and who other than he, the unofficial, professional traitor?
Now, he approached Cosmos. He knew she knew already, and so there was nothing to hide. Still, he would speak with her. Perhaps hearing her take on the situation would help in some way. She was no goddess, that he knew, but she was still his master, and he was loyal until the end.
