1. “Solo Harry” - Sparks Fly
Solo Harry is a whole other Harry. It’s the Harry I was always in love with, the one that got lost a few time down the road. We figured it out just over a year ago, how to make it work & we did it on our own terms. It took a little bit of time but here we are - Autumn of 2017. Harry & I just spent the majority of the past 4 months together. Harry made it a point to do his solo career on his terms. This new “solo Harry” as everyone keeps referring to him as, is so mature & grown up it’s incredible & I couldn’t be more proud to see him be so successful, especially the way he wanted it to be.
Here I am, sitting at home in chicago on a Tuesday night by myself. Harry & I have been texting & facetiming throughout the day. Tonight is his 1st sold out show of his first ever solo tour. To say he was nervous was an understatement. He would never come right out & say it, but I know him so well that after multiple facetimes just to “show you how cool this is!” I could pick out the tiny nervous ticks. I had been texting with Lou Teasdale throughout the day just to keep another eye on him. Of course I want to be there on his first night but being an adult is hard & I don’t live such glamorous lifestyle compared to Harry.
That was part of our terms we figured out - I could still live in my tiny studio apartment with my cat & continue to work in the city & finish college. Sometimes it felt like I was living a double life. I would go out to Harry’s fancy events, like the premier of Dunkirk & travel with him on his press tour for the album & the movie. Then when I was back in Chicago, I was just regular old Natalia & Harry would visit & we would pretend like the life we live is normal & stay low. We even got into a routine over the past few months while I was off from school. I would travel with him for a few days then I would come back to Chicago & work & most of the time he would come with me for a little bit. During that time with him in Chicago, it was almost surreal. As tall & broad as he is, he looked out of place in my tiny studio & would always joke about the lavish apartment he could get us, but part of the deal was that I supported myself in Chicago, that was my turf. He was in charge while we traveled or he was on the job, but Chicago was my place, my rules. Chicago almost became a 2nd home for him. He had his little things in my apartment that stayed here, that never left. It was a place that was constantly lived in & didn’t look like a luxury hotel. I’ve never seen him so relaxed & comfortable, besides while he’s singing or in his childhood home, than he does when he’s here in Chicago with me.
I would go to work while he stayed in my studio & took calls, wrote or just caught up on sleep. We would go to take workout classes together & go out to dinner with friends afterwards or pickup groceries at Trader Joe’s. Harry alway insisted on carrying all of the groceries. Harry really liked to cook too. My kitchen is tiny but he made it work & made delicious meals for the two of us. Sitting at home on my couch with a glass of wine & a plate of whatever Harry whipped up that night became our favourite thing. The quality time in a safe, happy space is all we need.
I wanted to be there for him tonight, but text & facetime was the best I could do right now. It killed me to be sitting in my apartment prepping for work & attempting to get some homework done knowing what was going on in San Francisco. I glance down at my right hand as the gold ring on my finger hits the light. Harry gave me this ring just about a week ago right before he left for tour. It was simple, just as I liked my jewelry, complete opposite style of his taste. It was a custom gucci band, with floral engravings, to match his countless custom suits he has for this tour. I fight harry on extravagant gifts constantly, but this was different. Harry gave me this ring as a promise & reminder of all of our ups & downs & the commitment we made to each other to stay true & do everything our own way. We are in a perfect place & aren’t going to loose it again. I picked up my phone & shot harry a quick text, knowing his opener was just about done & he would be with his band, focusing & doing all his superstitious acts before performing.
“Love youuuuuu, you don’t need it, but good luck,” I send quickly. I send a few heart emojis next because I know he thinks they’re cheesy & loves them.
“Excited, nervous, wish you were here. Love you,” was the immediate response I got.
No more than 5 minutes later my phone began to ring, Lou’s photo was flashing on my screen, asking to facetime. I answered immediately.
“Hiiiii,” I answered with a huge smile on my face.
“Babessss, he looks so good & the crowd is already insane,” she gushed, “I wish you were here, I miss my backstage partner in crime…”
“It’s killing me not being there, sooonnnnn though, so soon.” I respond, thinking about the next week when they’ll be in Chicago. “So how’s he doing, really?” I ask, a serious look coming across my face.
“He’s actually doing really well, really. You shouldn’t worry, he’s ready, he’s gonna be great.”
“I know he’ll be great, I’m just… I just wish I could be there. I feel awful…. It’s tearing me apart.”
“Babesss, he understands, we all do, & he’s proud of you,” she gives me a small smile & then it turns into a bigger one, “Speak of the devil,” she says cheekily as Harry appears on screen.
“Hiiii babe!” there’s a grin that’s covering his entire face. “Aw bloody hell I miss you,” He’s taken Lou’s phone in his hand & starts walking,”Guys!!! Look! It’s Tals!!!” he spins around in circles & I see quick glimpses of Mitch & Sarah, & a some other crew members. Cheers erupting, clearly everyone is high on adrenaline.
“Harryyyy! I’m so proud of you, I know you’ll be amazing & I can’t wait to hear about everything,” I say quickly knowing there isn’t much time before he’s needed on stage & I don’t want to take away from his preshow fun.
“I love you so muchhhh. I’ll call you the second I’m off stage.” I can see a distant look in his eyes for a moment. “I miss you.” He says quickly, more seriously.
“Hey, Harry, you got this, okay? You’re ready. You can do this.”
“Not without you,” his voice is so low I can barely hear it but his background noise is quieting, During the silence of me making out his words, he moves to a small room & closes the door. The lighting is better, I can clearly see his face & he’s silent.
“Harry, yes you can. You can.” I say in a calm voice. “You know it’s killing me to not be there, but you got this, okay?” He’s silent & looking at his feet & messing with his hair. “Hey, lou worked hard on that masterpiece on top of your head,” I say with a small smile, trying to get him to look at me & maybe even laugh. He finally looks at me with a slight smile in his eyes.
“Okay. okay. I got this. I miss you like hell & wish you were here, but this is happening, i can do this.” he’s half talking to me, half giving himself a pep talk.
“Yes, okay, Harry. I love you, now go back with your band & get ready for your kick ass show. You run this shit now, go have the best time on stage & have fun, okay?” I can see his mood shifting again & the spark is back in his eyes. He walks out of the room & conversations & a faint hum of screams fill the space.
“I love you. I will call you when I’m done.” he walks over to Lou, “Here lou…. Also, can you check my hair, I think I messed it up… sorz.” I hear Lou laugh & as she takes her phone back, she runs a hand through his hair & fixes it for him with a smile.
“You’ll mess it up on stage anyway,” She responds with an eye roll as she finishes. Harry walks over to his band & Lou acknowledges me. “Everything good?”
“Yup, just needed a little pep talk is all.”
hope you enjoy my first official little blurb of “Sparks Fly.” Please let me know what you thought, feedback is always welcomeeeee :)
