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ACTOR Taapsee Pannu has shared her thoughts on taking a backseat in films and the ease she felt working on Rajkumar Hiranis 2023 directorial

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I want, I want, I want (You)

Abhimanyu doesn't know why he said yes to this marriage, quite honestly. He had been interested in Sargam ji for a while, yes, but the woman just seemed to be happily living her life without interacting with anyone but her family. He did not want to be an added burden or something. She had a reputation of being closed off and he wasn't sure if he won't be another person whom she so innocently ignores.

So, really, he doesn't know why he said yes.

But here he is, only a month after saying yes, standing at the corridor that leads to his—their— bedroom. A married man. He looks inside the room as soon as he reaches the threshold, curious as to why she'd kept the door open. And, standing across the room, is his wife. She removes the mojdis she was wearing, and Abhimanyu gets a closer look at them when he comes inside the room. They don't match her elaborate wedding lehenga at all. Cute, he thinks.

Sargam ji turns back to look at him, her big eyes getting wide in shock for a second before her hesitance takes over. "Do you— I mean, am I in your way? Do you need the mirror?"

Abhimanyu shakes her head,"No, no. I just..." He trails off, unsure. He doesn't even know what he'd been thinking. "May I help you with your accessories? If you need help, that is."

Sargam ji waits for a couple of heartbeats and Abhimanyu makes sure to keep his body language open and calm. Finally, when she nods, Abhimanyu stands behind her and removes the veil from her head, which somehow makes it hit that she's wearing a gajra and he instantly loves the smell of the flowers. He usually doesn't wait to smell random flowers, there's no purpose in that, but standing behind her with the smell of mogra in his lungs, Abhimanyu thinks he might just start appreciating these flowers.

He helps her take off the earrings—silently marvelling at the strength of her earlobes because how heavy the earrings felt in his hands— and proceeds to help with her necklaces. She relaxes slowly, and he doesn't mind that at all. He understands her apprehension, to an extent. Finally, he removes the gajra from her hair but instead of putting it on the vanity with her jewellery, he wraps it around his wrist.

Sargam ji raises an eyebrow at him from the mirror.

Abhimanyu shrugs. "I like the smell." Sargam ji nods and starts to remove her maang tika like that was all the explanation that she needed. She takes his word at face value and and Abhimanyu covets the heady feeling that comes with that realisation that she trusts him to be truthful.

Abhimanyu helps her remove her bracelets and rings, keeping her engagement ring still on her finger. She shifts it around a bit and Abhimanyu see a tanline under the ring, realising that she's never removed it in the whole month.

Finally, when she's removed all her jewellery and his vanity is bursting to the full, Abhimanyu steps back, finding himself reluctant to leave her personal space. He wants to find answers to every question he doesn't even know he has. He wants to ask her everything about herself and her expectations of their future. He wants to feel her heart in his hands and make sure that she isn't lying when he asks her if she is truly happy with their marriage.

Sargam ji gives him a nervous and hesitant look,"Ji, where can I change—?"

Abhimanyu blinks for a moment before coming back to his senses. "You can change right here, I'll step out to the balcony." To give her some peace of mind, he points towards the other door, which leads to the balcony. He stands there awkwardly for a moment, staring at his wife, before realising that he actually needs to leave the room to let her change.

He turns and is about to leave when she calls him,"Ji, can you please help me a bit?" He turns back instantly and Sargam ji is standing there, her back towards him as she removes her veil. The veil seems to be stuck somewhere on the back of her blouse.

He feels like he is soaring the heights of heaven as he steps closer to her, closer than ever, to help her get the veil out. He instantly finds the exact place at which it seems to have been stuck and as he crouches a bit to see more clearly, he realises that it is secured with a safety pin. "It's secured with a safety pin," he tells her,"do you want me to help you remove it?"

Sargam ji hesitates again for a moment and he wonders if there will come a time when she won't hesitate at all. When will it come.

Finally, she nods.

Abhimanyu tries to make sure that his fingers do not make extra contact than necessary as he punches the cloth between his hand and fumbles around to remove the safety pin. The back of his fingers is resting against her bare back and he just wishes he could caress her shoulder blades softly. He carefully removes the pin and puts it on the vanity.

Half an hour later, when she's changed into a palazzo and a long kurti and he's changed into his comfortable sweatpants and tshirt, they're both in their room and sitting on the bed at opposite directions.

"Abhimanyu ji," she calls him and he looks at her in surprise, looking up from mindlessly fidgeting with his kada. Sargam ji clears her throat and stands up, going to the corner of her room while has her suitcases and she fiddles with a backpack there, her bangles making plenty of noise even in such a small task. Abhimanyu closes his eyes, listening to her payal and her bangles make a melody in his home and heart.

He doesn't realise when but the next moment, she's standing in front of him, a few feet away and still smelling of mogra. Her hands are behind her back and she gives him a nervous look.

"I, uh." Sargam ji clears her throat and looks at his shoulders as she speaks,"I've heard that the bride and groom exchange gifts on their first night together and I'm not pressuring you into anything nor do I want to, I mean, I might but not now, I don't—" her cheeks have gone pink and he absolutely adores the shade on her. It's enough to make him swoon. Abhimanyu continues to look at her imploringly.

Finally gathering the firmness that her profession requires, Sargam ji squares her shoulders and looks him in the eyes as she forwards her hands to him, which hold a square shaped gift, wrapped in red. Abhimanyu smiles at her widely as he takes the package and asks her to sit down.

Sargam ji sits down across from him, nearer than the previous position. She's nervous and anticipatory at the same time and he finds her big eyes extremely endearing.

He can guess it's a watch, obviously, from the shape of the box. And yet, he's too overcome with emotion to be smug. Abhimanyu doesn't remember the last time someone gave him a gift. He doesn't remember the last time he had family. As he unwraps the gift, he's hit with the fact that he's married. Now, his name will be beside hers in all her legal documents. She will be his emergency contact in case of something going wrong. He will be the one to pick and drop her to the school. They'll make dinner together. She will be Sargam Pandit. Sargam Pandit. Sargam Abhimanyu Pandit.

He is the husband of Sargam ji. It makes him feels delirious.

After he has carefully kept the gift wrap and the wasted cellotape aside, he's left with a box— a watch, as he predicted. What he didn't predict, was how expensive it would be. It's a Casio vintage analogue watch, with a white dial and brown belt which looks rich and sophisticated at the same time. He knows it's not less than ₹5,000. He's wanted this exact watch for a long while.

His silence makes her nervous. Sargam ji wrings her fingers as she speaks. "I'm sorry if you don't like it, Abhimanyu ji. I just, I had heard that people give their spouses a wedding gift too and I've never seen you wear a watch but you do have a watch, under the coffee table downstairs and I realised it wasn't working so I thought I should buy you a new one— I, I can give you something else if you don't like this—"

Perfect woman. How she spoils Abhimanyu and doesn't even know it.

He turns completely to her, gingerly keeping the watch aside. "Sargam ji," he says with a smile, softening at her nervous look,"You've not made any mistake. I love your gift. It's very thoughtful and I've wanted this exact watch for a long time. Thank you very much. And, that aside, even if I hadn't liked your gift, I would not make you change it or demand for more. The intentions matter more, Sargam ji. Whenever you give me any attention, I'll have it and appreciate it, regardless of whatever it entails."

She blushes prettily, even redder than the make-up blush had been, and looks down and nods. "Thank you. I'm glad you like it."

"Well," he says, getting up,"I hope you can say the same about your gift." He walks over to his closet and brings out the velveteen square box which he had put with his best dress shirts, on the top most shelf.

He walks back towards her and watches in anxiety and anticipation as she smiles shyly, using both hands to encase the box. "You didn't have to buy me anything, Abhimanyu ji."

"Neither did you have to buy me anything, Sargam ji." He says, besotted with her. She opens her mouth and closes it a heartbeat later, looking down at the box again.

Abhimanyu wishes he had the mindfulness to get it gift wrapped, but it had been delivered to him just yesterday evening and he hadn't had the time.

His heart is stuck in his throat as she opens the box to find the bracelet. It's a pretty delicate one, just a silver chain with an 'S' shaped lock, which has a braided texture and a small group of bells near the lock.

(He knows she only ever wears a watch on her left hand and her bracelets and holy threads remain on her right hand. Her dominant hand is right. She won't be able to remove this bracelet by herself once he helps her put it on. Another reminder that both of them share a life now.)

Her eyes are shining as she beams at him. "Thank you so much, Abhimanyu ji. It is absolutely beautiful. I love it." He averts his eyes to hide the warmth that's building up in his chest. It doubles and threatens to take him over when she clears her throat. "Abhimanyu ji, can you help me out this on, please?"

He looks at her for a moment, gauging if she is completely sure and comfortable. His heart starts beating loudly in his ears as he moves forward and sits down in front of her, close enough that their knees are touching. She doesn't move away.

Abhimanyu takes the bracelet from her fingers— the mehndi has his name somewhere, he's sure of it, and he wishes that he could find it right goddamn now, because it tells him and the world that Sargam Pandit is his wife. She shifts the bangles from her right hand a bit to create space for the bracelet and Abhimanyu doesn't let it show on his face that he's elated at being proven correct.

He holds the back of her hand and turns it around, pulling her hand forward until he has it hovering above his lap. She's closer now, and he can smell the scent of roses, mogra and another underlying scent of some perfume that is underwhelmed by the flowers. Her skin feels perfect in his hands as he grazes his fingers on the back of her hand, tying the bracelet so that the lock and the bells sit on the inside of her wrist, at her pulse point.

He lets his thumb caress her wrist softly and keeps eye contact with her, to make sure she isn't uncomfortable. Abhimanyu has trained for years and has even more experience than his training.

He feels her heartbeat spike.

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