Prompt from my lovely beta, Chelsy: Cat Dean cockblocking Sam all the time. The bunker would probably be destroyed from the chase that would ensue after he had disrupted them for the 5th time that day alone - to which I added that Gabriel would be the one to get pissed, because Sam is a softy for cat Dean.
This ensued.
Read below or on AO3: Cat-block!
It's hard to say who has it worse when it comes to the cat curse; Dean for being stuck as a feline until they find a cure, or Gabriel for not being able to get laid. Every time he and Sam get remotely close to anything sexual, even just making out, there's cat Dean.
Every. Damn. Time.
He's like a sneaky cat-ninja cockblock.
Take now, for instance.
Gabriel brought Sam into their room in the bunker. It's late, and Sam was giving him that needy look he gets when he wants to be fucked. Knowing he was on the clock because of the fucking cat, Gabriel laid his boyfriend out and hurried to undress him.
Just as Gabriel was wrapping his lips around Sam's cock - like, literally the second he did - there was frantic scratching at the door, accompanied by very sharp, whiney meows.
So now Gabriel is laying in the bed in his boxers, glaring at cat Dean who is curled up on Sam's chest as they both sleep peacefully. It's bad enough the cat is cockblocking him 24/7, but now he's taking over Gabriel's bed too? This is war. Plain and simple.
Gabriel is determined to win.
----
When Gabriel wakes up in the morning, he finds their room to be cat free. He grins as he ducks under the covers intending to wake his boyfriend up with a blowjob. Gabriel is so fucking horny at this point, he doesn’t even care if Sam doesn’t return the favor. It’s been too long since he’s had Sam in his mouth. Hell, it’s been too long since he’s had Sam period.
Then - boop!
“What the-”
Boop!
“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me,” Gabriel growls, turning his head to find cat Dean beneath the blankets with them. He lifts an angry paw and boops! Gabriel on the shoulder again. The damn cat must have been sleeping under here all along.
“Go away!” Gabriel tries to shoo the cat with his hand, but Dean bites him. Bites him! “You little shit!”
Gabriel yanks the blankets off them to give the cat a proper glare. Just as Gabriel is about to grab Dean and toss him to the floor - gently, he’s not an asshole… well, he is, but not that kind of asshole - Sam is sitting up and smiling at the two of them. “Mornin’ guys!”
Cat Dean pounces on Sam, making him laugh when all Gabriel wants to do is scream.
“Good morning, Dean,” Sam says in a stupid baby voice, cooing as he scratches between the cat’s little orange ears. “How are you this morning? How’s my handsome kitty?”
“He’ll kill you when he’s a human again for talking to him like that.”
Sam rolls his eyes. “He won’t remember. The little guy is oblivious.”
“Oblivious my ass,” Gabriel mumbles under his breath, knowing for a fact this little cockblock is fully aware of his situation, taking full advantage to make Gabriel’s life hell.
“What was that, babe?”
“Said I was just bein’ a sass. Sorry.”
“That’s okay. We still love you.” Sam squishes Dean’s face against his cheek, nuzzling him. With a side-eye to Gabe that’s clearly taunting, Dean licks Sam’s face and purrs. “We still love him, hey buddy? Yeah. We love our Gabriel.”
Gabriel grits his teeth and shoots the fucking cat a final glare before rolling out of bed and declaring he’s going to cook some breakfast. What he’d really like to do is cook the damn cat, but since that’s still his future brother-in-law - and he’s already decided he’s not the kind of asshole to hurt cute little furry animals - Gabriel just makes pancakes.
He pours every ounce of hate into those pancakes.
Unfortunately, Dean seems to still enjoy the pieces Sam shares with him.
----
Gabriel survives four more cockblocks that day before finally snapping. And when he says snapping, he means snapping. Sam is lucky the bunker is warded against angels, making his powers substantially weaker, or that fur covered little shit would have gotten himself smited. That doesn’t mean Gabriel goes easy on the cat. He chases that thing around the entire bunker, knocking over chairs and flipping tables, crashing through doors, and throwing whatever he can get his hands on in the direction of the feline version of his pain in the ass brother-in-law. Lamps shatter on the floor. Books fall off of shelves. A milkshake splashes against a wall. Sam gets trampled.
By the time the chase is over, the bunker is destroyed, and Dean has climbed onto the very top of the tallest bookcase. He’s scrunched up against the wall, hair standing straight up, as he repeatedly hisses at Gabriel.
Panting, Gabriel stabs a finger toward the cat and shoots daggers at his boyfriend. “If he’s still a cat by morning, I’m going to kill him. Do you understand? Kill. Him.”
“Okay, okay, calm down!” Sam puts his hands up and gives his boyfriend a careful look. “Just calm down!”
“I am calm!” Gabriel yells. The cat hisses, and Gabriel immediately snaps his head to the side. “You shut up!”
“Gabe, he can’t understand you.”
“Ooo - ho - ho, yes he can. Yes he can, Samuel. Don’t take his side.”
“Gabe-”
“Tomorrow! I’m serious.” Gabriel grabs his phone and keys from the counter and heads toward the door. “Tomorrow!”
----
Sam drives seven hours to where Rowena is currently staying since she refused to come his way because she - in her words - has a pretty lad in her bed she’s not quite finished with. Thankfully, when Sam arrives, Rowena is dressed, and the door to what he’s assuming is her bedroom is closed. A spellbook is laid out on her table as well as a silver bowl and a few jars full of strange-looking ingredients.
It takes three minutes, the whole thing surprisingly anti-climatic if Sam is being honest. One second Dean is a cat, the next he’s human. Giving Sam a shit-eating grin that makes Sam groan.
