More divorced Leeluke thoughts
Some time Post Luke's betrayal Lee doesn't get much sleep.
Partly due to staying in the infirmary to keep an eye on Percy's vitals why he's still recovering from the scorpion sting, and partly because his mind won't settle.
He's felt like he's been stabbed in the chest, rush of emotions hit him at once.
Most people don't notice how much it effected him of course, except for Michael who's constantly trying to get his older brother to rest. He didn't know Luke long, but seeing how hurt his brother was made him furious. An anger he kept(and was aspirated by Lee's later death) until the end of the war.
Lee put all his energy into camp afterwards. He became defensive over the Stolls and was completely hard broken when Chris left. Though he wasn't as angry at the kid, knowing how close Chris had been to Luke he was expected, but it still hurt.
Any time anyone tried to say anything about the Stolls or the Hermes cabin, Lee did not take it, chewing anyone who said a thing out.
They became the main big brother figure in camp. He did a lot more for keeping kids from joining the Titans then Chiron let's be honest, he knew where they came from. But it also was able to remind them that the Titans were just a earlier link in the chain that was the mess of Immortals.
He took care of camp, and showed most new kids around, and helped them find a place. Why Luke tended to fuel their bitterness towards the gods, Lee fueled their independence. They didn't need the gods approval to be something great. To be loved.
Lot of that stimmed from his childhood. His mortal parent wasn't a cruel parent. But they were desperate for love. Lee's stepfather was a manipulative type. Seemed kind on the surface, but had to get his way. He was always right, and he's make you feel bad if you weren't. A self centered man that drained Lee to live with. Lee's stepfather's love was conditional, but Lee learned to make his own rules to be loved. He took control of his own life and love and kept that when he got to camp.
If Apollo wanted their love, he'd have to love in return.
So,in reality it scared Lee after Luke's betrayal. That fear that he was just like their mother, found love in someone who didn't really scare to put equal work into the relationship like they did.
Of course Luke did love Lee, even if he doesn't realize how much until after he left. But by then it was much too late. Luke tried multiple times to get Lee on his side, but he was rejected each time. Even kicked in the crotch once. Really he was lucky he didn't get a arrow between the eyes. Lee was pissed. And Luke was much too wrapped up in his own emotions to understand why.
To Lee he had started to feel like all those years working together and supporting eachother wasn't anything to Luke. Those sleepless nights Lee spent trying to help Luke heal from his past. Those nights they spent trying to get Luke to focus on the love he had now, not the one Luke craved. Those days that Lee had Luke rest why he took over his duties as he knew he had a lot on his place with the Hermes cabin. Even if the Apollo cabin was almost as big. Those nights after Luke came back from his quest, that they sat why Lee cleaned and tended to his stitches in his face. They felt those were all just passing time to Luke.
Part of them blamed himself, he felt like a kid again, asking if he really didn't love enough that those around him were desperate enough to latch into unhealthy relationships instead.
But they had to remind themselves that Luke made his own decision. They gave their all to love Luke, he chose Kronos on his own accord. Lee couldn't put that on themselves.
Luke despite all his despite attempts to get Lee back to him, already ruined his chances. He fumbled bad.
Luke questioned himself. Plenty of times. But Luke feared death. He feared not being remembered like the heroes before. He idolized those stories even if he didn't realize it.
Lee? He feared no death if it was for those he loved. He stared the Drakon right in the eyes, and he used his fear to keep going.
Luke's fear lost him his body and Lee.
Lee's willingness to face his head on left to those he cared about fighting another day.
Luke never could get Lee back. Even if he lived. Especially if as many Apollo kids died in the way they did in canon. No matter how much he loves him and tells him he does. Luke should know just how little promises of love matter when actions prove other wise.
