You know what? Fuck yes. I was on the fence about doing a fic vs a headcanon, so I decided, ficlet. Yay!
Anyway, I am fully of the belief that Brain, while smart, is an idiot. Also, riddled with anxiety and depression, coping with sarcasm and self-depreciation. You’ll see. I fucking love it.
Also, warning for lots of cursing.
Premise: Brain feels unworthy.
Words: 999
~~~~~
Fuck.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK!
The frantic young man paces about his room, losing his gods damn mind. He didn’t know. But he should have known. How could he have not known?! The news that his dear, beloved sweetheart is a Princess of Heart has thrown him into an existential meltdown.
He always believed that his dearest was perfect. There were, of course, flaws but they weren’t enough to be red flags. In fact, he found them endearing but maybe that was his lovesick heart talking. Still, the very person he found himself in a relationship with was truly pure and he just should have known.
Now he’s literally banging his head against the wall to the amusement of his spirit guide.
The feline shrugs. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Brain turns on the cat. “The big deal, if you haven’t noticed, is that I’m not exactly perfect boyfriend material! I’m barely people material!”
“You look pretty people to me.”
“That’s not the point, Chi-chi!” Hands drag down his face with a groan. “Fuuuuck! Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut?!”
“You asked how someone could be so perfect.”
“It was a figure of speech! I didn’t need to know I was dating a literal embodiment of light! I’m freaking out here!”
“I can see that.”
Continuing to bemoan his reality, Brain gets back to pacing.
It’s not that the young man doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore; it’s that he never believed he deserved his partner in the first place.
Brain is anti-social. On top of that, he’s a coward. It took him nearly two months just to buildup enough courage to introduce himself. The next year and a half were spent slinking around hoping he’d get a little kindness thrown his way—which he never wanted from anyone before. He just couldn’t help himself. He fell so hard and with the most ungraceful faceplant that it was a miracle that he succeeded in getting a first date.
But his darling deserved so much more than him. Nothing but the absolute best could be enough—in his little lovestruck mind—and he was far from it even on his best days. Now, knowing that his beloved is a Princess of Heart, he can only equate to scum on a rock. His mind is racing. Such a pure heart in his presence could be in danger of being tainted. His rationality tells him that’s not possible due to what a Princess of Heart truly is, but that’s not going to stop him from thinking about it.
It’s just too easy for him to come up with a million reasons why he’s not worthy and his frail, little heart can’t take the guilt.
A knock on the door tears into Brain’s mania.
“Who’s that?”
The Chirithy shrugs. “I dunno.”
Trying to calm himself, he strides towards the door. That all backfires violently when, through the peephole, he finds his partner.
He plasters himself against the door. “Shit!”
“Well this should be interesting.”
“What do I do?!” Frantic fingers snag dark hair. “Fuck! What do I do?!”
“Open the door.”
“Shut up, Chi-chi!”
Another knock comes from the other side. “Brain?”
That voice is a vice on his heart. “FuuuaaaAACCKK!” With the best—worst—smile he can put on, Brain opens the door. “Hey sweetheart. How’s it goin’?”
Immediately, those brows furrow. “Are you okay?”
“Oh yeah! Yeah. I’m fine.” Even he knows he’s not fooling anyone.
Arms fold in disapproval. “Alright. Spill it. Why are you acting weirder than normal?”
His shoulders droop. “Gee, thanks, darlin.’”
“Ah, you know a love you.” Gentle hands press against his face. Though he feels gross and dirty, there’s no denying the serenity that seeps through him at the touch.
Weak—he’s weak too. “Don’t you see that’s the problem?”
“What do you mean?”
“I…You…You’re perfect. You’re amazing and beautiful and I cannot for the life of me figure out why you agreed to date a lowlife like me.”
“Brain…”
“And it’s driving me insane wondering why you could have the most amazing person but you’re settling for scum. IAaaah!”
The thumbs that had previously been caressing his cheeks suddenly jam into his mouth and start tugging.
“Stop. You better not say another word about the man I love. Got it?”
He can only make useless noises. This incurs more ire that pulls at his mouth and he frantically gives a “Got it!” as best he can. That leads to his freedom but then those thumbs smear saliva across his face.
Brain recoils. “Gross! What the hell?!”
“It was your spit.” Not even a little sympathy. “Besides, you were saying some pretty stupid things.”
“But it’s true. You could—Please don’t stick your fingers in my mouth again.”
“Look, I know you’re not exactly proud of yourself, but I am.” The words bind his heart, rendering Brain speechless. “You may not see it, but you’re amazing. You’re clever and funny—the jury’s up sometimes on being smart but when you’re not being dumb, boy are you smart. I don’t love you for who you think you are; I love you for who I know you are. And you are incredible, Brain.”
A few moments pass as Brain tries to process everything being said to him. But the idiot just can’t help himself.
“You know you’re just proving my point, right?” A fist meets his shoulder. “Ow!”
“I love you, Brain. And you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
An embrace takes him, enveloping him in a calm that magically soothes the raging anxiety he summoned. Instinctively, his arms return the gesture the feels like he’s holding the universe in his grasp. He should have known better. He never stood a chance against the person he cherishes above all else. If it’s him that’s chosen, then he has no right to argue.
