Myungsoo was feeling quite out of it once the lights on the set dimmed and the recording had finished. His performance had taken a lot out of him emotionally and he felt like he had zoned out through most of the performances that took place after his own. He watched as everybody around him took cute pictures with their friends and chatted and honestly, Myungsoo had never felt more alone. He sat quietly by himself and looked up expectantly waiting for anybody to talk to him, but nobody did. He was never good at reaching out to people first and he had almost been thankful when the staff pulled him away to question him. Putting on his bravest smile (which was actually quite timid), Myungsoo grimaced as he heard the first question the staff asked him.
“You got quite emotional during today’s performance, is everything alright?”
Myungsoo nodded, his smile not falling from his face quite yet. He had expected this question and already prepared a response in his head. “Yes, I am fine. I felt bad that I got so emotional at the end that I was actually crying but I was honestly just really immersed in the emotions of the song. This week, I really wanted to try and focus on those honest emotions and hope that the audience could relate to my performance, but it seems I got too emotional... That’s why I apologized at the end!”
“What did you think of the results last week?”
He bit his lip, looking into the camera with widened eyes, “I actually was so shocked when I saw I had made it into the next round! There are so many talented people in this competition and even though I am trying my best, I feel like it really isn’t enough. I am so thankful that the judges saw something in me and allowed me to continue on to the next week.”
“Who do you think is the best under each skill?”
Myungsoo’s face blanked slightly, trying to recall anybody’s name who had even performed today under each skill. He just decided to blurt out the first name of any performer that came to mind during their respective category. “Ah, well... I guess let’s start under singing first which is my skill and the toughest competition... I think that Yena has a very pretty voice and it’s super relaxing, plus she’s really charismatic. As for rappers, I thought that Sakura’s performance was actually super cool, I liked the sound of her accent that carried through and she had a nice flow. And for dancers, Kenta’s performance stood out the most to me just because he had a lot of cool and unique dance moves.”
“We see you are alone a lot, do you have any friends competing?”
He blinked rapidly, not expecting to get asked this question at all. Myungsoo scratched his head and wanted to choose his answer carefully, but wound up just being honest. “If I’m being honest, I don’t have any friends in this competition. There are some people that I am familiar with, yes, but we’re not friends.” Myungsoo shook his hands in front of him back and forth and shook his head cutely as if he was trying to say ‘no’ to something, “It’s not that I don’t want to make friends! I’m just kind of awkward when it comes to new people and it’s hard for me to approach them first... and nobody has tried to make friends with me yet. That’s all.” His voice got very quiet when he said ‘That’s all’ looking into the camera like he was a lost puppy.
“How do you think you did?”
Myungsoo smiled, happy to be getting back on script, “I think I performed to the best of my ability. Last week I said I wanted to get more emotional and I was able to accomplish that. Even if I go home after today, I performed with no regrets and that’s what matters the most to me!”
Finishing the interview, Myungsoo bowed to the staff and slowly returned back to his seat. He knew the cameras weren’t rolling, so he felt alright to rock his legs back and forth and bite his nails, his eyes darting around to all the people around him. He felt so small even though he knew he was one of the oldest contestants there; he kept worrying what people were thinking about him and what they were saying about him. Would anybody even mention him in their interviews? ‘Of course they won’t’ Myungsoo thought bitterly, feeling tears well up in his eyes involuntarily, ‘They’ll mention their friends and family members they are competing with. Nobody will even remember my performance.’
He could almost feel a panic attack coming on, closing his eyes and focusing on breathing and trying to will down his rapid heartbeat. ‘Not here, please not here’ Myungsoo willed away the anxiety as best as he could but he decided to run up to the staff and feign needing to use the bathroom. He had to get away and hide in the stall for a bit again, he had to be alone just for a moment.
