#headcanonday4

[nicole--whitman]

Boundaries

"Only good things, of course."

My own mother reminded him of you, once. Made him say he missed you, all clear and out loud. And I really think he does. I really think he misses you a lot. More than he'll let on. More than I could ever come to miss my own mother. But I also think he feels guilty. He hasn't really told me so, but, it's obvious. It's on his face, in his eyes, in the very creak of his smile. He smiles when he mentions you. Maybe he doesn't know it, but he smiles. Even if the smiles aren't wide enough to reach his ears, or genuine enough to reach his eyes. He smiles when he mentions you. I don't entirely know what happened -- just the gist of it. The gist he told me. But I know it haunts Xerxes. To a degree. I haven't uncovered it all, and I doubt I ever will -- it's up to him, after all -- but there's something there, something very deep. I can see it in his face, hear it in his voice -- and I can hear it in yours. I'm so sorry to be the one to call you. I'm so sorry it's my voice you're hearing, and not your son's. I'm so happy Xerxes let me call you. I'm so happy I can bring your son closer to you. I think you two should take some time alone, once we're at yours. I can be in the background, I can be hidden, stowed away, and you'll have your son again. Your family will be... almost whole. Won't they? You'll be the Queen, and you'll have your Prince. The King is away, but, what if he comes back too? His kingdom will forgive him, I know it. They have to. A royal family like yours deserve a second chance.

"I'm happy to share any information at all, until such a time Xerxes decides to do so, himself."

[nicole--whitman]

how does nicole act when she's sick?

Nicole is surprisingly good at taking care of herself. Well -- to a degree. When she's sick, at least. Or, rather... well -- okay. Maybe not surprisingly good. The thing is, she's got a lot to do otherwise. When she's not sick. So, it only comes natural that she wants to get better as soon as possible, so that she can accurately do all these things without putting both her own, and others', health at risk. She'll treat herself according to the illness she harbors -- for example, if she's got a cold, she'll keep herself warm and calm, and not eat or do things that would put her at risk of getting worse. Then again, she won't hesitate to do do things that wouldn't affect her condition -- like a few easy chores. If nobody else does them, she won't hesitate to, which in turn can border on a little risky -- because if Nicole starts, it's easy for it to slip out of her grip and escalate. But, usually, or at least so far, things tend not to do so -- living with people usually means that Nicole can utilize them. It doesn't really matter whom she lives with. Both her family and (now) Xerxes would or will (she hasn't fallen ill during her and Xerxes' relationship as of yet) suffer her commands and orders to tell them what to do and when and how, the better to keep her from exercising herself too hard, and the better to keep them from ending up like herself. She's surprisingly active when she's ill -- at least, more active than you'd expect someone who's ill to be -- while at the same time not denying the fact that she is ill. Maybe Nicole doesn't exactly do it for the sole sake of her own health, so much as she does it for the sake of those around her, and the duties and chores she handles -- so in a manner, she probably isn't that good at taking care of herself. With no insight, one might say that she's surprisingly good, but, most of the time, it's not exactly so. Fortunately, though, it does work in her favor, and she tends to recover very quickly from illnesses, as well as nurse others into health at the same kind of speed. 

[nicole--whitman]

childhood

Remember a time when you smiled at someone for their sake, and they smiled back at you for yours? That's childhood in a question. That's Nicole's childhood in a question. Undoubtedly one of the happiest periods of time in her life -- a chapter in her book, a part of many parts to come -- seeing as her family was entirely complete, and they all existed in this net of love, this net of closeness. The period of time doesn't sprout as many vivid memories as it just gives Nicole a warm feeling, a feeling of safety and security unlike any other she's ever felt before. However, the smiles eventually faded, the sakes eventually faded, and the net eventually dissolved. It became an era over, a chapter finished, a door closed and a period of time declared ended. A feeling lingering like a memory, to remind her of how good she had it, and that it can never be once more. In a sense, at least. The manner of an era, the writings of a chapter, the look of a door and the structure of a period of time might be similar to one of its ancestors, one of its predecessors -- and true enough, Nicole has found a person that smiles at her for her sake, and whom she smiles at for his. And slowly, she's found, very slowly -- and somewhat absentmindedly -- they, too, have begun creating a net of closeness for themselves. Everything between the point of her childhood to the point of her full adulthood, pales in comparison to how the two points made her, and makes her feel. 

[nicole--whitman]

Whole

There are people who feel whole on their own, like there aren't parts of them missing. There are people who feel like a puzzle created by society, with parts missing left and right because somebody else told them that's how they were constructed. There are people who didn't know that they were even missing parts until they found one, and watched it fit so perfectly. There are people who don't fit into any of these -- and there are people who pick and choose at different times in their lives. 

Nicole didn't know she was missing a part until that part showed up and fit into her life. Maybe it didn't fit perfectly, and maybe she had to shift some parts around, but the end result was beautiful, and it was worth it. Worth what? Worth it all. From May 12th to October 12th, from October 12th to fifty more October 12th's into the future. The end result was worth the the struggle, the shifting, and is worth any struggle, any shifting that is to come. Being whole isn't about constantly missing something -- it's about growing, expanding this concept to, and accepting the parts that come into one's life a little late. Those that aren't already there. Missing something is just a comprehensive way to put it. We never know what the parts that show up are going to be -- they can be everything from smoke stained walls to a uniform to constantly wash (because of related matters), to sighs and moans and groans destined to echo between bodies, to that one best person on the planet. 

[nicole--whitman]

High school

Nicole is in a bit of a limbo when it comes to high school. On one hand, she was never the butt of any jokes, she was never bullied or picked on or particularly ostracized. On the other, Nicole was pretty lonely. By choice, naturally, so it isn't something Nicole would put blame on others for. She didn't have any friends at school, because she actively pulled away and shut herself in, feeling content with the company of her family instead. Like any other person with eyes, she could definitely be exposed to the horrors of high school and understands very well why somebody might not have liked it. For herself, it was a little bit in between. Sure, she wishes she hadn't isolated herself so that she might have had more friends when she entered into college, but at the same time she's thankful it gave her the opportunity to melt into the background and not be seen. Everything she learned, everything that developed within her, happened at the hands of her mother and her aunt, who were her two closest friends during that time in her life.