Feb 14
I think my anger have subsided. Now I feel guilty that I have blocked him. Now I'm realizing that I have my share of faults too. I'm realizing that I can't completely detach myself from what happened because it's now a part of me. I feel like it's time to accept the apologies he offered despite him not stating what for.
What I've realized is that...
1. I should have been cold to him like how cold I was with the others. I thought I was being considerate. But I guess it just fueled false hopes. I should have set my boundaries stricter. I should have provided the clarity between us.
2. I should have faced my fears sooner. I should have recognized the status of my heart earlier. I should have overcome my anxiety earlier.
3. I should have agreed to meet him earlier and told him my issues and fears. I should have make things straight instead of just holding it in and letting him wonder for too long. I should have communicated with him instead of ignoring him.
4. I should have not expected him to figure me all out especially what I was going through.
I am grateful that I have these experience in my life. I know I could have done things sooner. But I wasn't able to. We all have our own pacing, that's all. It was also difficult for me to figure myself out. I had also troubles communicating myself to others.
I question myself if blocking him on my contacts is the right thing to do because it may be interpreted differently. But this is my way of stopping him from contacting me. I will just wish him well and pray that he's beginning to live a renewed path. Like Tom in 500 Days of Summer, I hope he realizes that I can't be his summer. But I hope that he doesn't become bitter about love. I hope he'll be okay and heal.
As for me, I hope my anger will completely subside. I know God has prepared something better for me. I am excited on what to come.
