I feel like bigotry is so normalized that people will inadvertently say genuinely strange and awful things, and because these things don't go against the grain and they're phrased "politely" (and are usually -- but not always -- out of white mouths) you'll see..........basically no push back. It's treated as a joke, or something that should be glossed over. But then something is pointed out, and suddenly the pointer outer becomes treated as a sort of complicit aggressor in the situation for speaking out. The fact that you have to be God's most articulate orator who is ever polite and ever patient, the fact that you had to be the one to shoulder the burden of saying something at all instead of it being immediately rectified, the fact that the pattern repeats.....I don't know, it's the kind of shit that genuinely breaks the spirit a little bit. The prioritization of "politeness" but the "politeness" holds no kindness; the "politeness" centers certain people's feelings. The "rudeness" comes from a place of genuine righteousness, but it's treated as if it's more of a problem, because direct phrasing offends sensibilities. The way that you can never lose patience, especially if you are perceived as racialized -- hell, the way that when you are racialized, it is always on you to be the one who speaks up and explains. Why do I have to perform for you while you and your saltine flavored peers slobber at the table, reckless and unthinking, considering yourselves the ultra civilized and beneficent while I stand alone except for my fellow outcasts, forced to perfectly fold the napkins lest I be accused of being lesser, unstable, unkind? You people are throwing mash potatoes. I'm just stuck cleaning up the mess. I'll need to probably write a post that untangles my thoughts and sections them off better, if I feel up to trying to disentangle my feelings better, later. But I think self-examination stays woefully lacking.