Jul 25
will pulled out rolled off of him said hang on gotta make a post rq and mack said am i gonna be in it. smit am i gonna be in it. smitty. am i gonna be in it with my fish.
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will pulled out rolled off of him said hang on gotta make a post rq and mack said am i gonna be in it. smit am i gonna be in it. smitty. am i gonna be in it with my fish.
pov youre michael misa. you’ve been grinding your ass every single day for weeks trying to get approval from your future captain/face of the franchise. you’ve grouse grinded 3 days in a row. you’ve let him think he caught the biggest fish. you run the insane evil drills he somehow comes up with. you post the one singular picture you guys took together (shitty, pixelated) and he doesn’t even comment. then the blond man shows up and he’s all smittyyyy let me take you to the lake for a swim :) can you drive me to the store please? i’ve missed you so much no one here gets me like you do :( let’s get ice cream later, and maybe touch pinkeys while the sun sets. oh hi michael. go uhhhh shoot the puck for me.
At present, I try not to limit myself on the media I consume or interact with. As I’ve learned more about myself, I’ve come to find that many of my intense attachments to media can be fleeting because of my ADHD. While my favorite fandoms no longer make up my entire personality anymore for the most part, I still find ways to enjoy it when I can. I try not to put myself down for my interests as I did when I was younger because “cringe” is a mindset and I was never happier than when I was unapologetically interested in something. I have reconnected with my queerness again and begun exploring other identities for myself. I’ve also begun drawing and creating so much more than I have in my entire life and that was thanks to fandom. When the pandemic started I joined the VTuber fandom and became a VTuber. Since then, I have been creating works non-stop, even between class assignments. While we are always constantly growing and changing, I will always appreciate the internet and fandom for what it has helped me to accomplish.
In the latter half of high school I drifted a bit from fandom. I spent more of my time scrolling through twitter looking at memes than I did tumblr and I felt less community because of the friends I had lost. While I still engaged with the website, it was few and far between as compared to my former daily scrolling I used to do. I began to draw less and play games more. League of Legends became my entire personality basically senior year on. During this time, I had also lost touch with the LGBT community and had opted to ignore my conflicting gender and sexuality feelings because I didn’t want to add to my mental health struggles. This way of thinking and feeling last up to and even into the pandemic a bit when there was nothing more for me to do than to stay home and stare at my computer screen.
Entering high school is difficult for any kid. The rapid influx of hormones, changing schools, and losing friends all play massive roles in shaping the first year. Thankfully I was able to get out of my first year relatively unscathed. Unfortunately, my sophomore year was incredibly turbulent. I lost most of my friends then and spent a lot more of my time playing video games or scrolling through tumblr. At this time I was very connected to the LGBTQ+ community and was comfortable in my queerness. I reached out to new friends as well as old forgotten ones and reconnected with old hobbies and sparked new ones. I also began rampant character creation at this time and drew them almost as much as I did my favorite characters.
By the time I had a phone I was fully entrenched in fandom and fandom culture. I had started a DeviantArt and a tumblr during the peaks of their popularity. Any “cringe” IP I could be interested in, I loved it. I indulged in every fandom I could, whether that was because of loneliness or because of boredom. During this time I had also met some of my best friends, who had influenced my interests heavily until I was an annoying furry obsessed with bad boy love anime. If I was not on tumblr, I was interacting with fandom spaces in other ways- through role-playing sessions that could last days or weeks on end. This was also a time of artistic expression for me. I had recently started taking my artwork semi-seriously and was posting to various social media platforms when I could. While none of it was amazing, it was a time where I was unapologetically myself.
Around 2005, my parents created an account for me on a website known as Club Penguin. A quirky role-playing game where penguins (you) would meet, play games, decorate their homes, care for pets, and more. Little did they know that this would jump start my love of video games, the internet, and eventually fandom. Up until middle school, however, I mostly explored the few games that friends or my TV would recommend to me. Never really pushing past what I was comfortable with.