#herlevings

[shmarden]

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Me, Good morning from 2016, 9 months after this dreaded day you’re living in right now. First of all, congratulations on being almost done with your junior year. I know it fee...

This was for a scholarship entry, so it’s probably hella dumb to be posting it online, but I wrote a letter to my 16-year-old self.

[creasedcover]

Thanks for tagging me heideous Rules: Repost and tag 10 people you want to get to know better. Nicknames: Gav, Gavenator or "The Natural" 
Birthday: May 11th 
Gender: Male 
Height: 6'2" 
Sexual Orientation: Straight 
 Favourite Colour: The color of the sea during a storm, or an Earth-y brown 
 Time & date at the current moment: 4/22/15 10:06 am
 Average Hours of Sleep: Like 6 or 7
 Lucky Number: 3? 
The last thing I Googled: Brett McCracken 
First Word That Comes to Mind: Hearth 
One Place That Makes Me Happy: My church and Vespr Craft Coffee and Allures
 How Many Blankets I Sleep under: Usually two
 Favourite Fictional Character: Samwise Gamgee from LOTR, or Ron Weasley or Remus Lupin from HP, or Hassan from the Kite Runner. 
 Favourite Book: Why did you ask this??? The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien, I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak, Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris. 
 Favourite Anime: Attack on Titan
 Favourite TV Shows: The Walking Dead
 Last Movie I’ve seen at a Cinema: The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies 
Dream Holiday: Honestly, India or some other distant missional country 
Dream Wedding: I would like for it to be in Scotland, on a cliff with a small church, wearing like very casual ( I wanna wear like an egg shell white button up, black suspenders, brown slim slacks, and oxfords). Honestly, it'll be whatever my wife is about. 
 Dream Job: A youth pastor What Are You Wearing Right Now: White gym shorts Last Book You Read: The Magician's Nephew by C.S Lewis herlevings, whatlovelybooks, whycoffee and anyone else!

[shmarden]

this air is filled with a tragic love story, this lie we believe called nostalgia. it tastes like vanilla, and peppermint gum. it smells like summer, and cigarette smoke. it’s hidden in back staircases and dusty window panes and tile floors. we find it in cluttered old rooms filled with sewing machines and tangled ribbons and faded fabric. we can see it in fleeting glances and cold exchanges and sweaty palms wiped on pant legs. this air we breathe in like fog; slow and dark and tainted with harsh words and false promises and so much still to wait for it hurts. this air which once was bittersweet has lost but all its flavor. now it does not taste but of ash. this nostalgia, like vanilla, just like summer.

a.l. | like vanilla

[thatonesquintern13]

i am cold and indifferent, i am a home to heavy eyelids and cracked knuckles and chapped lips.

a.l. | my own moon ( herlevings )

[shmarden]

my chest hurts. i’ve got a language pacing back and forth behind my eyes, and too much to say. i have countless conversations with my hands “you are too shaky” “your work is not good enough” “stop biting your nails”. i am my own defeat and my greatest alliance. i am the pink flowers blooming on saturday morning, and i am the thunder shaking window panes on thursday night. i am cold and indifferent, i am a home to heavy eyelids and cracked knuckles and chapped lips. i am the notebook you scribbled in because blank pages scared you, the rims of paper charred from age old attempts to forget and you’ll light her on fire until it hurts, until you’re sure she’ll remember you but i am the moon. whipping tides in and out, i am omni. your worst and your greatest, your first and your last. i saw cruelty and kindness and fear dashed with pride and your nightmares and daydreams, scraped knees on the concrete. i am of all things. palm trees. pouring rain. night time. day. i am vast, but i am small. malfunctioning lungs, mixed chemicals in a brain that scolds, “you are not smart enough”.  i am flesh and bone, carved from dust, i am my own moon.

a.l. | my own moon - i wasn’t going to post this, but it’s whatever

[shmarden]

SONGS  FOR  GAVEN

40 years later, here’s the playlist I promised you, no-vessel-asunder. 

SONGS TO MAKE YOU SMILE

Home - Le Wrens

Joy Parade - Lennon and Maisy

Down in the Valley - The Head and the Heart

Sons of Thunder - Marshall McLean (this one’s real good)

Mad Love - Neon Trees

Mother and Father - BROODS

The Woods - Hollow Coves (their entire Drifting EP is so good)

She Lit a Fire - Lord Huron 

SONGS TO CRY TO

Novels - Rusty Clanton (ft. Dodie Clark)

You - Keaton Henson

Fred Jones, Pt.2 - Ben Folds

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITES 

Girl From the North Country (Bob Dylan Cover) - Noah Gundersen

Irons in the Fire - Marshall McLean

Tumbleweed - The Horse Thieves 

Bag of Glass - Noah Gundersen

Tickets for Teasing - Le Wrens 

I HAVE SO MANY MORE FAVORITES, BUT HERE’S A BUNCH OF ‘EM.

[shmarden]

tell me my sadness isn't weakness, this bitter thing i carry around like an old friend i’m too polite to get rid of. promise me light at the end of this alleyway, whisper it onto my fingertips like a mantra until i believe you, shout it at me until my bones break from impact, cure me with intangible things and rumors of faith i can’t yet touch. promise me i’m not a broken thing, just fragile and covered in dust.

a.l. | old friend

[saltpepperbeard]

controlthespark is ControlthesparkCo

everlarkstoastbabies is The Everlarkstoastbabies Trust

mrsbonniemellark is Mrsbonniemellark Co. Inc.

herlevings is Herlevings Solutions

....This is all a very spiritual experience and I’m happy to be surrounded by fellow aspiring business people lol