hans/carolyn (ship meme :D
collects rocks: Carolyn would probably pick up little pebbles here and there, but it's not necessarily a collection
takes pictures of the other while they’re asleep: Nah neither
gets drunk and breaks shit: Carolyn, probably Hans if he's in a mood at that time
remembers to feed the fish: Hans
puts up Christmas decorations in November: Carolyn, always Carolyn no matter the ship
sends inappropriate texts and SnapChats while the other is in a meeting: lol there's no SnapChat back then, and Care wouldn't send him anything like that right now
makes Sims just to drown them in the pool: non existant at this time, but it would be Hans
brings the other coffee at work: Hans
takes gym locker room selfies: Neither
signs them up for tennis lessons and a salsa-making class: Hans and Care is so highly annoyed by it, but then she starts to enjoy it
forgets to charge the other’s iPad and leaves it dead on the coffee table: There's no iPads back then, but Care would "forget" something on purpose