#herwritingalias2024

[herwritingalias]

Same day last year 🫶

[herwritingalias]

Long post ahead.

I read this quote somewhere and in mere seconds, I found myself staring blankly, flashbacks hit and I remember that once, I was in this situation. I buried it long time ago but everytime I encounter scenarios about leaving, It still feels fresh like it only happened yesterday.

I had a best friend - a boy. We grew up in the same neighborhood had same playmates, we went to same school, we were classmates. We were in a marching band- I played the lyre while he was on snare drum, our families are friends, I slept, ate, shower in their house and, him and his siblings did the same in ours. We were basically a brother and sister. We were very close.

Others found us cute together like maybe one day, we will end up with each other. Well, I knew he had feelings for me. I knew because he told me but I did not share the same feeling. I never entertained it and it did not become a problem as we did not want to affect our relationship. I was always honest that I loved him as my best friend or brother.

We grew into adults - colleges, different set of friends, developed new hobbies and interests. We lost track of each other's lives and whereabouts but we made time for that. We became different but still the same. Whoever comes and whatever happens, we knew we are friends - best friends. We dreamt about being there for each other, as best as we can, until we grow old and grey.

He wasn't my boyfriend but my heart was broken when his family had to migrate. The pain was inexplicable. I had a couple of friends but ours was a ride or die. It was difficult but we communicated as much, there was a never ending update. He was pretty sad on the other side of the world and there was one time we planned if we have the money, I can visit or even live with him. Crazy as it seemed but that's how we were. We would go for the impossible.

Until one day, he met a girl.

She knew we were best of friends. I was there before her. Even if they got into a relationship, I knew where I stand. I did not cross the line. Sadly, she did not understand the level of friendship we had. She felt I was a threat and I will ruin what they have. Eventually, my best friend grew cold and distant. He was gone. I was blocked from everything. I never heard anything from him. Few years passed, I learned he will get married in the PH. Everyone was invited to their wedding - my family even my aunt, our closest friends except me. EXCEPT ME.

I know he's happily married with kids. Maybe he got his dream job or house, maybe he pursued his hobbies and owned dogs he told me about or whatever shit he had been through, I wouldn't know. Our closest friends who still have communication with him told me that my name is still banned especially when the wife is nearby. They can never talk about me.. like.. seriously?

I had several questions and will never find answers but one thing that stuck me most - people come and go. You aren't special and life doesn't stop for anyone. It hurt but I moved on. More than a decade had passed and at some point, I thought I'm okay but I only swept it under the rug. The pain it caused me I think affected how I deal with people. I lost interest forming friendships or circles - not forcing anything anymore. I don't keep people - if they wanna stay, they are welcome. If they don't, the door is open. I got to a point if you tell me Dove is black and Crow is white.. if that makes you happy, so be it. Never wasting energy, time and attention to people, places and things that don't deserve me. Not anymore.

I do not have a lot of friends. I don't envy reunions, groups, besties, social clubs and communities. Some would find me weird because I don't go out with people other than family. I am not anti-social. I just find solace knowing that I don't have to wear a mask or fit into a mold that society has defined normal.. acceptable.. perfect. I built walls around me not because I am avoidant of hurt or rejection but because I worked so hard to accept and love myself. Nobody can ruin it for me. It's been a long road but I am here - happier.

Life's kinda fucked up but who cares? I'd stay unbothered.

[herwritingalias]

GIFS that you can hear 💛👽✨️🎆🪐

[herwritingalias]

📍Antwerp, Belgium

25,000 steps and a day full of sunshine!

We left around 5 AM (I can still remember Capt's grumpy face to prepare and leave very early. Hahaha) since Antwerp is 3 hours train ride from where we are. We bought roundtrip tickets on sale but the catch is, the train ride going home is around 8 PM, apparently we had the whole day to explore the city and it was a very beautiful Spring weather for walking and sightseeing.

Seeing the Antwerpen Station left me in awe. Amsterdam station is stunning but Antwerp.. is like straight out of a movie! So much going on - from the staircase, windows to floors.. it's just perfect! IMPRESSIVE!

We visited the Cathedral of Our Lady (built since 1521), Het Steen (small yet pretty castle near Antwerp river), Grote Markt (or the Great Market square in the heart of the city), tried Belgian waffle and fries, checked Antwerp's Red Light District (more women here than in Amsterdam), walked around Meir shopping street, spent an hour in a cafe shop with trams passing infront where we seated, relaxed in the park and PLENTYYYY walking! I didn't regret buying an NB 327 (ROI agad) 🙌

A funny thing though, we forgot it's holiday and most of the shops and museums were closed. I was in the mood to check every store but a blessing in disguise indeed, money saved. Haha! I was also happy to finally see a Thai food stall and while Capt and I were contemplating what to have for lunch.. first option was to have pizza and beer but my Southeast Asian blood kicked in and Pad Thai won 🤣

It was a loooong day but I never heard him complain. I had a list of places I like to visit and he would gladly check the map, hold my hand then start walking. If this isn't love then I don't know what is.

[herwritingalias]

January 19, 2024, Philippine Arena | Coldplay - Music Of The Spheres World Tour

Their first concert in the PH was in 2017. I remember tickets were released a couple of months before they held the concert which was 2 days after my birthday (April 02). It was supposedly the best birthday present but it didn't turn out well cause 1) I didn't know about the pre-sale and only had the chance either online or going to SM ticket outlets personally with all the heavy lines, f*cked up online system and hoarders you had to deal with. I can't afford a 24K VIP since all Gold, Silver, Bronze and Gen Ad tickets were sold out in 10 minutes. There's the black market too but there was no way I will buy from opportunists.

Had I thought everything will be okay and there might be a miracle, the worse came when 2) Merely 2 weeks before the concert, I got a chicken pox (Yep. Already an adult when I got the disease). I was devastated. I love Coldplay and they are the fewest of the few bands I listen to. I promised myself they will be the very first international band I'd attend to.

7 years later, they came back. The once dream turned into a reality. The universe was in my favor - secured tickets within my budget range, perfect weather, booked a stay near the arena, smooth travels (we drove early), spent an hour in line but got my Love pin and light up wristband in 10 minutes. There was no hassle. And to the most perfect parts.. I SAW COLDPLAY LIVE! I CRIED AND SANG MY HEART OUT! 🥹💛 As usual, my heart bled during Fix You, Scientist, Yellow and Sky Full of Stars but my world stopped when they sang Charlie Brown. Aside from being my favorite phone ringtone, it's very special to me and Capt. That song will always be reminded of us, wherever and whenever we are.

Thank you, Coldplay! Your music healed me through and made things a lot better. I hope these boys stay forever young. I don't know when's the next when this tour ends but hoping there will be another one. How to move on? Huhu. This experience will forever be etched in my heart.

No one ever said it would be so hard, I’m going back to the start

[herwritingalias]

I couldn't be more grateful of what God has done in my life for this year. He has given me more than I prayed for and more than I deserve. Life is not perfect (it never was and will never be) but I will leave 2024 with peace and gratitude in my heart.

I don't know what's in store this coming year but as long as I have Him, I know I can handle everything 🙏

ctto @lettersofanawin (instagram)

[herwritingalias]

Christmas in a nutshell 🎄

[herwritingalias]

12262024 - The 2nd Christmas dinner hosted by Capt's mom. She prepared Dutch dishes and served it like you are in a restaurant. So fancy. Everything's just beautifully made 🥰

We had Salmon and Tuna paté for appetizer, Pumpkin soup, Roulade with gravy, steamed Potatoes, Brussel sprouts, Carrots and Snap peas for the main course, salad in Fig jam/Olive oil/French herbs dressing, Apple compote, caramelized Pears and Chipolata pudding for dessert. There were also nice Christmas songs playing in the background and everyone just enjoyed the lovely ambiance. Gezellig! (as Dutch people will describe it).

Di ko kinaya yung pagka-finesse ng gabing to 🤣