Dec 3, 2021
me after romano won hetalia character of the year:
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Russia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Slovenia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Türkiye
seen from Italy
seen from Malaysia
seen from Slovenia
seen from Kazakhstan
me after romano won hetalia character of the year:
Okay so I'm making this post to go over things. Stuff thar i ship, what I post, and my other blogs!
OTPS
the french have paticular......tribal insticts ;))
sealand again is hot and cool ;)
Can I just say...
Hetalia human AU where Russia has some sort of Cardiovascular disease and is force to takes pills everyday and/or have an pacemaker
My favorite hetalia characters:
Here's the list:
Italy, Germany, Prussia, Austria, America, Hungary, Romano,Japan, England and Spain.
D. Gray Man OC :Sora Mariana Atasunta
. ((Okay. This one I found on a Fanpop (The website I roleplay on) I want to ask the person to change somethings about it because its slightly offensive to me but I don't know how. She makes crossovers into the Hetalia and Black Butler and possibly Soul Eater And we begin! This is word for word of her profile. Also mine is Anthony 'Nevada' Jones which is a Hetalia OC))
Name: Queen of the Sky, Sora Marianna Atasunta Affiliation: Sky Kingdom, Heaven, Black Order, Noah Clan, (many others) Hair color: Blonde (was brown/black. In normal form) White (when in Angel form) Sunset (purple and Blonde. when in Vampire form) Black (when in Shinagami form) Purple (when pearl is activated) Eye color: electric Purple (normal form) blue (when in human form) Red (when in Shinagami form) Gold (when in Vampire form) Age: 19,000 years old Birthday: March 8th Relationship: Taken. By Tyki Mikk Gender: Female Blood Type: AB+ Height: 5'9" Weight: you don't need to know that.... Race('s): Angel (majority) Shinagami (majority) human (a little bit) Witch/Mage/Magi, Megami/Goddess (a little bit) Mermaid (a slight bit) Vampire (i have a cycle where my hair changes to Purple and blonde (like the sunset) and my eyes change gold and I have a strong want for blood.....) Demon (I have none but my syncro partner was on....now she's back to a Angel....so I dunno) Cat (dont ask, my Aunt gave me cat ears and a tail and they only come out every so often) Nationality('s): Skyian (Sky Kingdom, where im born, raised and ruling) Persian/Iranian (half) French, British, American, Irish/Scottish, Native American, Japanese, Russian, German (only a bit, according to my mother) Italian (from grandmother) Portuguese (not a whole lot.....some say I am, some say I am not) Arabian, Turkish (who knows, according to my Grandmother (fathers side) I am...) and I'm sure there is more.... Personality: I am kind and loving to everyone, but if you insult me, or threting me or my family or doANYTHING that will make me mad, I will make you suffer Severally. I am obedient to God my Mother, my Father and the Arches. I will protect the ones I love at all costs. I am fun loving, enjoys music, dancing, ect, i will glomp people, Even of the person is pure evil, I can still see the good in them. Likes: Music, Dancing, Art, fighting/training, spending time with loved ones, Tyki Mikk, all my family, my children, my sisters, my brothers, stuffed animals, Prussia (Gilbert and Julchen Beilschmidt) Germany (Ludwig Beilschmidt) Turkey (Sadiq Adnan) Ukraine (Katyusha Braginskaya) Russia (Ivan and Anya Braginskaya) Italy (Feliciano, Felica, Chiara and Romano Vargas) Austria (Annaliese and Roderich Edelstein) America (Emily and Alfred Jones) England (Arthur Kirkland, i like him sometimes....) Romania, Hawaii (Malalani Pua-Jones) Japan (Kiku Honda) Vash and Lilly Zwingli, Usagi, Denmark (he's a cool dude......but I don't like him flirting with my female friends) China (Yao Wang) Ciel Phantomhive, Sebastian Michaels, Scotland, Norway, Canada, all the saints of Athena, and other friends, sweets, Bamieh, Zoolbia, other persian sweets, all Iranian foods, all food, Golf, Soccer/football, Tennis, swimming, and many many other things Dislikes:Noin Rica, Caster, Shinji Matou, Kirei Kotomine, The entire Matou Clan, Darkness, being alone, Anthony Jones, Louvierie (I dunno his last name and DO NOT CARE he's some head to the black order -.-) Fiidora, several other evil people, nasty food's, bad tasting tea, Akuma, Demon's, ex-boyfriends/Fiancé's/Husband, pain, sometimes The Arch Angels, cheating men who cheats on their wife/girlfriend/lover/fiancé, arranged marriages, Troll's, Apocryphos, Hades, many many other things. Family: Boyfriend: Tyki Mikk Son:Aladdin Dijindalla Atasunta (Adopted) Daughter: Sakura Morgianna Atasunta (Adopted) Son: Alone Kaede Atasunta Daughter: Sasha Maria Atasunta Mother: Rebecca Aqua Atasunta Father: Jushirou Ukitake-Atasunta Eldest Brother: Esfahan Sven Atasunta 2nd Eldest Brother: Roy Hiikami Atasunta 3rd eldest brother: Lelouch "Lulu" Hisao Atasunta 4th eldest brother: Julius Monterey Atasunta 5th eldest Brother: Toushiro Yuukino Atasunta 6th eldest brother: Dohko Kain Atasunta 7th eldest brother: Kurogane "Kuro" Khosravi Atasunta 8th eldest brother: Alto Omid Atasunta (im the eldest daughter) 1st little brother: Allen Hoshikami Atasunta 2nd little brother: Setsuna Lahleh Atasunta 1st sister: Rosette Christopher Atasunta (deceased) 2nd sister: Zukisaru Amezuki Atasunta (Adopted) 3rd sister: Isabella Emiko Atasunta (Adopted) 4th sister: Kallen Statfield Atasunta (Adopted) 5th sister: Akane Haruna Atasunta (adopted) 6th sister: Sayo Nokeyo Atasunta (Adopted) 7th sister: Kyoko Megumi Atasunta (Adopted) 8th sister: Angel Rose Atasunta 9th sister: Alice "Pumpkin" Linly Atasunta 10th sister: Saber Arthuria Atasunta 11th and 12th sister: Lina Marie and Rina Morsgan Atasunta (there are to many family members.....so that's as far as I'm gonna go....) Big Brother: Gilbert Beilschmidt Little Brother: Ludwig Beilschmidt Little Brother: Dumitru Dracul Dear friends: Maria Beilschmidt, Emily Jones, Malalani "Mala-chan, Hawaii" Pua-Jones, Katyusha "Kat-chan" Braginskaya, Kiku Honda, Sadiq Adnan, Neionion "Chimera" Rica, Anya Braginskaya, Jasdero, Lavi Bookman, Lenalee lee, Anna (and many more)
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Hi there! Thank you for sending this OC to us, we’ll try to critique this person’s character as best as we can.
I firstly would like to mention: RP characters work in a different way than an OC made for fanfic/comic purposes. How so? It is because RPs are more lenient and it involves two or more people working together. There is room for shenanigans and fun as long as all members of the RP are for it. The story does not necessarily need to be coherent since an RP is an inside thing between a group, it’s always changing, and it is meant to be a fun activity. Story/comic writing is a more public display, so the bios/back stories/plots need to be well thought out, interesting, and coherent in order to appease the audience. However, because RPs involve people that the OC maker may or may not know, they need to be sure that their character is well-constructed. The character must fall in line with the universe’s limits and needs to be well-balanced. If not, the partners will not enjoy the RP because they are dealing with an un-realistic and overpowered character. The OC should remain tied to one universe. In the event that they RP with someone who has a character from another universe, then the universes can cross over with no problem, but the OC should be clearly from their respective universe. For example I’ll use that special that Nickelodeon had where they crossed over Fairly Odd Parents with Jimmy Neutron. Both Timmy and Jimmy were from their respective universe and both needed to learn and understand the universe that they were brought into. Jimmy did not somehow know everything about fairy godparents, and what not, and Timmy wasn’t a genius counterpart to Jimmy; they both needed to interact and adapt to new environments.
With all this being said, we will take a look at Sora. There is no character design or back story to look at, so all we can do is explain whether or not the bio is coherent to the D Gray Man universe that the character is meant to be placed in. Personally, I am not completely familiar with D Gray Man. I have seen some panels, some clips, some screenshots, and I have a general understanding of it. For this critique I read a few plot summaries and most importantly every character bio a few times so that I could find so I can get an understanding of the themes, the settings, the patterns, etc.
I’ll address the bio from top to bottom, but there will need to be a few jumping points to get my critique points across. We will start with the OC’s name. Typically, I do not critique names unless they are clearly taken from iconic figures or if they are too disconnected from the character (I will explain this further). Seeing as how her first name is Sora and that she comes from a place called “Sky Kingdom” the origin of the name is a clear given. Sora translates to sky, since she comes from the sky that is the correlation. However, the name is a Japanese name and her birth origins clearly are not Japanese. Parents normally pass names down to their children that come from their birth origins. Understandably this isn’t always the case but the full name (other than the middle name) is presumably Japanese and thus creates the disconnection that I mentioned earlier. D Gray Man has a good number of characters that come from different parts of the world. Their names reflect their nationalities, thus, so should any OCs placed in this universe. Yes, I am aware that it is an anime so many names reflect Asian names, but character’s whose origins were not from Asia in this series have names that reflect their nationality (Biggest example is Allen Walker). Next, the list shows us her affinities: Sky Kingdom, Heaven, the Black Order, the Noah Clan, and others that were not even listed. Sky Kingdom, firstly, is a self made place I am left to assume. However, in terms of the D Gray Man, most of the places actually exist in the world (to an extent). It’s possible that the towns/villages/etc that appear in D Gray Man may be made up but the countries and the “bigger” picture of the universe is clearly Earth in the 19th century. Having a kingdom in the sky may belong in another universe where more surreal landscapes are possible, but not so much in the universe you have placed her in. Also, in terms of Kings and Queens, there really weren’t that many in this time period. I believe the 19th century is when monarchy was dimming down. It really wouldn’t be realistic to have your OC a queen. She could be of nobility, but you need to think of a country of origin (one) and look at the history behind that to have a realistic and believable setting and background for Sora. Heaven seems like a feasible affinity to have. The anime revolves around its own notion of exorcism, which is a practice that exploded in Catholicism. The mention of Heaven or the belief in Heaven is understandable in both that aspect and due to the time period of the anime. However, there is no mention of Heaven having forces of angels or taking any part of the series (correct me if I’m wrong, I couldn’t find anything on it), so having an “affinity” to Heaven doesn’t seem possible. Regardless, the belief or mentioning of it is still completely okay to have in this character. The main problem that I see in Sora’s affiliation is how she shares an affinity with both the Black Order and the Noah Clan. How is she able to be aligned with two opposing groups? Yes, there can be the claim that she is affiliated with both in order to feed information to one group, but then the second affiliation is deceit and thus not a true bond. There is no info in order to back up how this came to be, but I strongly suggest that you either pick one or the other because it is a mess of a situation to be in. If both groups were to see that Sora was also working for their enemy, there is no way that they would allow her to live. There would be no trust or faith in her, and thus any affiliation she had with them would be broken. It’s easy to be a fan of both sides, but there is no realistic way that Sora can be affiliated to both the Black Order and the Noah Clan. Once again I’m using the main character as an example, but from my understanding Allen was part of the Black Order, but had a Noah within him. This didn’t lead for him to be a part of both clans; instead he gets black listed from one and refuses the other. There really can’t be a “middle man” in the case where the two sides are trying to kill each other and anyone else that may be against them.
Next on the list is hair and eye color. I’ll tackle these two things together since they correlate. Having her “normal” hair/eye color be blonde/purple is just fine. It’s a nice combination and since it’s an anime that has characters with abnormal hair/eye color as their natural colors, it works out. There’s no norm-breaking here at all, as far as I can tell. However… Then there is this sudden and lengthy description on other “forms” and thus her hair and eye color change as a result. I looked into forms for this anime, and I saw that most transformations happen to the character’s weapons. The Akuma have three levels that change forms, if I remember correctly, and Allen’s arm changes shape because of his Innocence. There is one other character that I recall, Lulu Bell, who can transform into whatever as part of her Noah power. In short, all transformations seem to be linked with Innocence, akuma-related, and Noah gene powers. So even though they all are different forms, they still have a sense of connection. These forms that Sora has do not harbor any link to what was previously mentioned. Her forms are “Angel” “Vampire” and “Shinigami” all of which completely conflict with each other in theme and alignment. There is no mention of angels in D Gray Man other than some titles for weapons/attacks/etc. The only mention of vampires is that of Krory who is only considered so by the way he attacks. There is also no notion of Shinigamis in D Gray Man. It makes Sora disconnected with the universe since there is no info on how these forms relate to the commonalities of the universe. On top of that, three forms is much too many when many characters don’t even have forms. What I would suggest here is to remove two forms. My recommendations would be to take away the vampire and shinigami ones because they are very distant from the “sky” theme you have around Sora. Find a way to take this “angel” form and link it to a concept from D Gray Man that allows for form changing. This way, she will have something that relates to the universe and she will be more fleshed out and balanced.
As for the age, 19,000 years old is a bit over the top, dear. If you take a look at the characters many are between childhood and 30-years-old. The Earl is the only one that seems to have some obscure age, but he was also trapped away from a long, long time (plus he’s the villain/demon/lore and the universe). I do recall there being one character who appears in his teens but is only about 9 years old, but this was due to testings of some sort. Alter her age to something that fits among the universe, she can be only 19 that would be perfectly fine.
As for the birthday, the month and day are fine, however because of the age number you had for her, it didn’t allow you to have a reasonable year. Changing the age to 19 will help with this and you can take a look through D Gray Man to see if they give a specific year it’s in during the 19th century. You can do a little math and find out the appropriate year that way. c: I’m afraid I cannot fairly critique her relationship status, but I can give you completely valid advice. OCxCanon is just fine with me, it helps you have more fun with putting your OC into the universe, I understand. However in terms of both story-making and RPing, you need to have a reasonable scenario in how this came to be. If it was a “love at first site” thing, no one really believes those types of cases, especially if the canon character is a stone-cold loner. I can’t say that I know Tyki’s personality but I understand that he is part of the Noah and that he does have some bonds with his human friends. I suppose that there is where a relationship opening with him IS possible, but you still need to construct the case well, otherwise you may have some trouble when RPing with others who aren’t so fond of these types of pairings. (There are many MANY people who dislike OCxCanon so this is why I stress having solid foundations attempting it. )
The blood types, height, and weight is all up to you. 5’ 9” is fairly tall for an average woman, but that doesn’t mean it is unreasonable, so everything is in check here. (At least have a mental idea of what her weight is, it’s understandable that it’s info the character would never share but that doesn’t mean that the OC maker doesn’t need to come up with it).
Races and nationality is where I think the biggest bump is hit with this OC, I’m sorry to say. I know it’s fun to incorporate things you like into your OC, but you just cannot include everything. Many of the races I see here do not exist in the universe of D Gray Man. There are no physical angels (I don’t know if there is a reference to angels being real in that universe, but from what I researched it doesn’t seem so), there are no shinigami, no witches or vampires. There were characters rumored TO be either a witch or a vampire, but in the end they actually weren’t. Then you mention her also being a demon and something about a syncro partner and I have a feeling that this demon relation has nothing to do with the D Gray Man universe. Then cat? I hope you are able to see that all of these combinations are frightfully outlandish and impossible, especially in this universe. The only race that could connect to the D Grey Man universe is if Sora was a human. Many of the characters are just humans in this anime. Yes, they are abnormal and have certain abilities, but they are humans. The Earl and Akuma are pretty much the only beings I can think of right now that are demons instead of humans. So I suppose Sora could be a demon, but then she would have to be under the Earl’s control since he makes the other demons. If it is a matter of hoping that your character is interesting, then don’t throw so much into them. Having your OC too many things clouds and drowns the OC in unnecessary detail. It actually becomes a hindrance to the OC and makes it annoying rather than interesting and unique. I more than strongly suggest that you remove every race other than human. The same that was said for races can be said for nationalities. There are too many, hun. Think of the time period, it’s the 19th century, not how things are now. There are characters of different nationalities in the anime, but not that many countries had interrelations nor was it okay to have children with people of certain nationalities. Some of the combinations here would not have been able to happen in that time period. Not to mention that you could not even list all of the nationalities yourself. That poses an even greater issue. You threw so much into this OC that you cannot even list everything. You may be like, “I CAN list them all though, they are: etc etc”, but the matter here is that it is too much of a hassle for you to list it. Having over 14 nationalities for your OC is just too much and unbelievable for the time period and universe that you’re placing Sora in. You may be many of these nationalities, but that does not mean that it is okay to incorporate everything you are into everything that your OC is. I hope that makes sense.
As for Sora’s personality, it’s an okay start, but there needs to be more thought fleshed out into it. It feels as if she is on a see-saw. There is the kind and loving factor, but then with a simple insult, threat, or just getting her angry she’ll jump to punishing someone severely? These are two extremes and it is just irrational for anyone to act like that, dear. Insults are upsetting, but why hurt someone for that when she is “kind and loving”? Do you see the contradictions here? :c The obedience is nice, though I feel that your reference to the “Arches” are from another anime. If it isn’t involved with the D Gray Man series, do not have it included in your OCs information because it would not exist in that universe. The personality then kind of unfolds into revealing her likes and interests, which shows more that she needs to be a bit more thought out on personality. Fighting for her loved ones correlates to her kind and loving nature, so that is a good input there. As for glomping, it’s kind of a cliché and over used action that isn’t so openly reciprocated with many people. Possibly detailing it down to only glomping close friends would work better. C: Seeing the good in people is a nice trait, but just keep in mind that this may not be a possibility. She may be able to see the good side of someone, but do not leave that as a passageway for everyone opening up to her and being friends with her. Some people just are not like that; period.
As for her likes and dislikes, I normally don’t comment on this either but I see that there is an abundance of names among this list. Some that are not even in the D Gray Man universe. Get rid of these factors because if they are not in the universe, then they do not exist. For the cases in which you are doing a cross-over RP with someone, then you can choose what things your OC will like/dislike from that universe but listing them in your bio just causes clutter, confusion, and it waters down people’s understand of your OC. Once again, keep in mind the universe, the time period, and where your OC comes from so that the interests she have would be something she would actually come in contact with.
The family lineage is, as many of the other aspects of Sora, is a huge cluster. There is way too much going on here, you once again cannot even list them all. How would parents keep track of all these children – royalty or not? How could they even produce so many kids in one lifetime? Yes, Sora was claimed to be 19,000 years old, but I already explained to you how that is not feasible to this universe. I am not sure if the family members you have listed are your RP friends or not, but it is too much. Have a family with one or two children with a few adopted ones if you wish.
Overall, Sora is a cluster of issues and you need to seriously iron out the wrinkles here. I really suggest you to take a serious look into the universe of D Gray Man and break apart Sora so that she actually belongs into this universe. As of now, she does not. Give her a realistic family situation, give her one race, one nationality (two tops, but make sure it would be possible to the time period), a name that corresponds to her nationality, give her one affiliation, no forms, and just tone her down, hun. Take her and give her a new outlook, have her somehow come in contact with the plot of D Gray Man. Nothing in this bio talks about her Innocence, any contact with the Akuma, there was only her relationship to Tyki (which from just the profile I have no background information to explain how this came to be) and that she was affiliated with both the Noah Clan and the Black Order (either have one or none). She needs a lot of work, dear, I really am sorry to say. Please do not take this critique as a series of insults but more as suggestions that are trying to help you. Fixing up Sora will in turn help you have more enjoyable RPs with a wider range of people and it will help you grow as an OC maker.
Thanks again for submitting this OC maker’s character to us! I hope I helped and constructed a good critique. If you (or any other onlookers) see that I may have missed something or misinterpreted something, please let me know. I am NOT an expert on D Gray Man, but I did as much research as I could so that I had enough of an understanding to do this critique. I really hope I helped! Thanks again! :3
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Hello there and thank you for submitting your friend’s character to us, we will do our best to critique it.
Since there isn’t a picture of this character, I’ll only be critiquing on the bio of this character. That said, I’ll be critiquing on what you sent us in order. The first thing I would like to address is the bio overall which you mentioned your friend crossed her character over into several anime series. You mention the character is from the D Gray Man series but also added stuff from Hetalia, Black Butler and Soul Eater which right off the bat spells trouble. To go into depth of the issue I’ll provide the plot/story of what each series is about below.
D Gray Man- “Allen Walker a 16-year old kid whose left arm can transform into a monstrous claw and destroy Akuma, evolving machines created by The Earl of Millennium to help him destroy humanity. He got trained by one of the Black Order generals Cross Marian which he told him that he can become an Exorcist, humans who can destroy Akuma, for the Black Order, an organization attempting to stop the Earl. Allen became a powerful asset for the organization because he can detect disguised Akuma's with his Cursed Eye. The Earl decided to gather the Noah Family superhuman descendants of Noah who can destroy Innocence. Both side start to make their search for the Heart the most powerful piece of Innocence that will ensure victory to the side that finds it. As soon, the Order finds out that Allen is to succeed Nea Walker a Noah that betrayed and was killed by the Earl, as the 14th Noah. This leads the Order to suspect that Allen might betray them, and he is eventually confined. The Noah frees him to rescue Allen from the Apocryphos, a sentient Innocence that guards the Heart, causing the Order to revoke Allen's rights as an Exorcist and treat him as a Noah.”
Hetalia- “Axis Powers Hetalia (ヘタリア Axis Powers, Hetaria Akushisu Pawāzu) is a webcomic, later adapted as a manga and an anime series, by Hidekaz Himaruya (日丸屋秀和 Himaruya Hidekazu). The series presents an allegorical interpretation of political and historic events, particularly of the World War II era, in which the various countries are represented by anthropomorphic characters. Hetalia (ヘタリア) is a portmanteau combining hetare (へタレ, Japanese for "unreliable") and Italia (イタリア). This is to make light of Italy's apparent cowardice during World War II.”
Black Butler- “Just a stone's throw away from London lies the manor house of the illustrious Phantomhive earldom and its master, Ciel Phantomhive. On the night of Ciel Phantomhive's tenth birthday, a fire engulfed his manor, killing his parents. The boy was missing for a month before returning with a mysterious black clad butler, Sebastian. The servant is actually a demon that had entered into a contract with Ciel, promising the boy to help him achieve revenge in exchange for his soul. Sebastian Michealis, an exceptionally loyal one is ever at Ciel's side, ready to carry out his young master's wishes. As the Queen's guard dog and standing at the top of the British underworld, the young boy must face many difficulties along the way.”
Soul Eater- “Soul Eater is set at Death Weapon Meister Academy (死神武器職人専門学校 Shinigami Buki Shokunin Senmon Gakkō)—"DWMA" (死武専 Shibusen) for short—located in the fictional Death City in Nevada, United States. The school is run by Shinigami, also known as Death, as a training facility for humans with the ability to transform into weapons, as well as the wielders of those weapons, called meisters (職人 shokuni). Attending this school are meister Maka Albarn and her scythe partner Soul Eater; ninja Black Star and his partner Tsubaki Nakatsukasa, who can turn into a variety of different weapons such as a kusarigama, shuriken, and ninjatō; and Shinigami's son Death the Kid and his pistol partners Liz and Patty Thompson. The goal of the school's meister students is to have their weapons defeat and absorb the souls of 99 evil humans and one witch, which will dramatically increase the power of the given weapon and turn them into "death scythes", weapons capable of being used by Shinigami”
Just from that description alone you can see that crossovers of those series are impossible. Some take place in different Centuries and setting while other having different plots going on that would just clash severely. That only thing I can’t stress enough that if the series don’t crossover, DON’T DO IT. There are some series you can cross over but they need to have similar plot, settings and character to make it work. Majority of the time it’s impossible, thus why I tell people not to do that. The other issue here is that there too many series crossed over, if you are ever do a crossover, it should only be with one other series. Most of the crossover things I have seen in the media were just with one over series and that was it.
That said, your friend should probably just stick to one series, I can understand she probably likes the 4 series. I would suggest she makes her own character of each instead of making one for 4 series all together and mashing them up, just makes for a big cluster of confusion if you know what I mean. Moving on, we’ll get to the meat of this character, starting off with Sora’s title “Queen of the Sky.” She can’t be a Queen, if you’ve done your research with history your friend would know that princesses can’t become Queens if the mother is still alive. The only way she can be one if she was wed off to another prince and they married which she didn’t. Your friend should really consider getting rid of the Queen title completely since it’s just not possible for the character or the setting she is in. Her name I’m also not a fan of since it seems everyone what the name their character Sora. I would suggest looking into a different name, there are tons of resources you can use to find a new name.
Next thing is her affiliates which also don’t make sense. She is mentioned to be part of the Black Order and Noah Clan when in fact these two are against each other in the D Gray Man series. Unless she’s a spy or something else, she should only be a part of one clan. That need to be fixed also, too many affiliations and if anything, I feel that she should only be a part of the Sky Kingdom since it’s her own creations. There just a lot of conflicting issues with some of her affiliations. Her being with Heaven, I really don’t understand that either, it need to be explained more to be quite honest.
Her hair changing colors is a little ridiculous, I’ve seen a lot of cartoons, animes and such but I’ve never really hear of hair changing colors like that or even that much for that matter. I think Sora’s hair should just stay one color, think on the one your friend likes and stay with it. Too many hair color changes can confuses people into think it might be a different characters and just really makes the character sound unbelievable. It just hair doesn’t work like that; it doesn’t change colors like that on the fly.
This can also be applied to the eyes changing colors too, that also a “no-no” in my book since that also makes the character unbelievable. From most of the anime series, I can say that I haven’t seen too many purple eyed characters since purple in a natural eye color. Rule of thumb is that you don’t want to make a character have an unnatural eye color UNLESS the setting they are in calls for it. In this case she’s in a setting that is suitable for it but I still disagree on that. I would make her eye color one color only, you be the judge on which color. Really the only transforming things I’ve seen in D Gray Man is weapons, not eyes and hair. Her age is also another issue since what I researched, most of the characters have an age and they are usually range in around 20s to 30s, not 19,000 years old. That I needs to be axed, she need to be a proper age that matches those of the cast themselves. If I was to suggest one, I would probably make her in her mid-thirties to early forties since that make more sense.
The next part I’m going to touch is her relationship which is with a canon character. From my personal standpoint, I really don’t like OCxCanon because the amount of unoriginally that I’ve seen with it. A lot of the time people tend to write the canon character so out of character to the point that the pairing isn’t valid. I will give your friend credit that this character appeared to not be in any relationship but I definitely what to hear about how this relationship happened. I always suggest to people to do outside of the box and think up of their own OC to pair with and OC since OCxOC pairing I find to work out better since you can write the characters however you want to. To sum up my thought, really think about how you write the relationship, make sure you capture the canon character, in this case Tyki Mikk right down to the very bone.
Her birthday, height, blood type, weight and gender are all fine, those parts of the bio I have no issues with it. To be blunt, I think it was the only good section of this character’s bio since I’ve found in issues in most of the bio. Moving on to the next section is the race and nationality where I basically lost all respect of what this character could have been and is probably the biggest fault on this character. I’m going to list what you have for both so you can see how many you put down.
Race: Angel, Shinagami, Human, Witch/Mage/Magi, Megami/Goddess, Mermaid, Vampire, Demon and Cat.
Nationality: Skyian, Persian/Iranian, French, British, American, Irish/Scottish, Native American, Japanese, Russian, German, Italian, Portuguese, Arabian and Turkish.
I really find all the above unbelievable and very clichéd if anything. First race, she just can’t be that many races, it very unbelievable and the images I have in my head are ridiculous. A character can’t be part Angel and part Demon; they both conflict as Angels and Demons hate each other. Same goes with Vampire and Angel, it just doesn’t work. I really lost it at Goddess since that right there is a fine example of the term “Godmodding” when you make a character have God-Like power in this case, make her part Goddess. My suggest, stick to one race and if I was to pick one, I would go with the Angel since that make more sense with her background with the Sky Kingdom.
The Nationality was almost laughable as I count 14 nationalities. I ask your friend to think about some of her friends she knows in real life; think about what nationalities they are. I know quite a lot of people but I never knew anyone with THAT MANY nationalities. On average, most people I talk to are at most 6 nationalities. I’m sure there people out there that might have that many, but it just not normal. My suggestion, pick only a few! I would pick 4 to 6 of your favorite nationalities and stick with it, do not go over that limit because then you might as well add every nationality that exist in the world in her bio.
Sora’s personality I don’t like because of the bipolar nature it has to it. It’s just nature that everyone has a dislike, her personally makes it sound like she’s peaches and bubblegum but god forbid you say something bad, she’ll punish you or possible kill you. It’s a bad personality and just very unrealistic, people like that just don’t exist in this world with that personality. Please, please, please! Fix her personality! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen characters with a similar personality just like her and from my experience, most of the characters with that same personality are usually unbelievable characters.
Her likes mention a lot of people and character, most from Hetalia which we already covered about crossing over series that really shouldn’t be crossed over. I would remove all the names of the people mentioned since it really doesn’t belong in her Likes. The rest of the stuff I’m fine with but wish your friend when into more depth about some of the likes. This can be applied to the dislike too. You can name clans or groups that Sora hates but I would leave names out since they don’t belong there in that information. You should be talking about hobbies and interest, not about people.
Finally we get to her family which there just too much. She has, count them, 10 Brothers and 12 sisters, not including her. That makes 22 children her parent sired which is JUST NOT POSSIBLE. Look up the Duggar family, they have 19 children and the recently lost a child due to a miscarriage that could have resulted from so many births. I know there are larger families out there but you need to remember, that is A LOT of children to take care of plus the mother would be strained with popping babies out every year. My suggestion, cut WAY back on the amount of siblings, there is just too many to begin with. Otherwise I think the rest of the family related stuff is fine, her have 4 children, 2 adopted and 2 blood ones are fine. I would just go into depth about the child and how that works out with her relationship (OCXCanon relationship).
Overall, Sora needs a lot of work. There are so many issues with her bio that it’s going to need a lot of work. I’ve given as many suggestions as well as explained the underlining issues that I hope your friend really takes those if she decided to fix up her character. Mod-A has more information covered as well, make sure she read both of our critiques since both have important information. If any of use missed anything or got our information wrong about the series, let us know!
--- Mod-B