His muttered words seemed to fill the pitch black room, bouncing around the walls imprinted with fading reminders. A scrap of tape here, a rectangular outline there. His eyes wandered around the once picture coated walls. He felt nothing as he took in every inch, numb to the feelings he once had to try so hard to hide.
He couldn’t remember the first. One by one they seemed to disappear without warning. One minute, their smiling faces had been his everything. The next, he was left with nothing more than reminders. They were the ones that had always been there; were supposed to always be there. Who he could go to in any mood, and they would never turn him away.
He always wondered that. Where do they go when they just…disappear? Is there some other life they leave him for? One he would never been good enough to venture to himself?
I suppose that would always be the biggest question. Why did they leave? What had he done that was so wrong that they couldn’t stay? It had to be his fault of course. They had just been there the day before, their laughter filling every gaping void. Their words had begun to ring true for him; he had believed the things they said, which had become a rare occurrence. So why?
“I did it again,” he whispered through a soft, bitter laugh. Lying on the floor of his room, surrounded by those reminders of what he had quickly lost, he finally let himself feel what he had tried so hard to ignore. “It was stupid, huh? Letting it get to that point. Letting myself get attached that way again. So stupid… ‘I’m used to it’ I always say but I’m not, am I? It still hurts. That singular moment when you can just…feel it. The drift. It’s never a quick process, and my heart breaks more each day it’s drawn out. If you want to leave, just leave. Don’t put on the fake fucking smiles! Don’t make the same damn promises you’ll break the next day! Just leave!” His words exploded in the dark, echoing throughout the relatively empty room. “‘I’ll always be here for you.’ ‘I’m not going to leave.’ ‘You’ll always have me.’ ‘Come to me anytime.’ ‘I care about you.’ ‘I love you.’ My favorite lies… I wonder if I were to stand on top of a building, screaming out every thought I’ve had, if they would even notice…”
That’s the lesson learned. Sweet words and pretty promises never matter. He knows that far too well. Though he knows the end result, and still he makes the same mistake. Still he’s left a broken, sobbing mess.
It’s your own fault you know. Always letting it get to this point; getting so attached, letting yourself care more than you should. Now look at you. It’s pathetic. You’re going to die from this one day. What is it, heart break? You’ll be here one minute, and then the next POOF.
And not a single one of them will even take a second glance.
