Waves that Crash In My Head
Torrents of thoughts on Yud Bais Tamuz... I was not zoiche to meet the Frierdeker Rebbe however on the night after my wedding I dreamt that I was at a wedding (not mine) and a man would remark to me that The Frierdeker Rebbe and The Baba Sali had been friends.
I have never found proof of this in the internet or elsewhere and I believe that many would think me a ranting weirdo for even sharing these thoughts. But it is not the first time that I have had dreams with Tzaddikim and I wonder what it means - in terms of who I am. What is the mission I must fulfill in life while I struggle in some aspects of my current gilgul? Yeah - I am convinced that this stuff has to be payback for something I did many incarnations ago and that I keep screwing up. I pray for mercy, I pray for understanding and knowledge.
The blessings I have and the story I could tell is quite unbelievable yet to me it seems plain. I know that most people are skeptical - tainted by that “scientific” mindset that looks to explain everything yet can accept a hok like basar ve cholov while staring at me like I am just another unstable Baal Teshuvah ranting away. The issue is that I am not. That I have returned and left and returned. How I returned is a long story, but I do believe that it all ties together - that the fact that we learn Basi Legani on Thursday nights is no coincidence and that learning that at the time of his passing, the Frierdeker Rebbe of Blessed Memory had a copy of Likutei Moharan on his desk. You see, my second time around was thanks to Breslev and it was just the push I needed for my life to go in a strange tailspin that know has me living an observant life, albeit not a the level I wish just yet.
I feel a strange kinship for a Rebbe I could not follow in life as I had not been born yet. I feel a love that I cannot describe, while not knowing the breadth of the works of the Rebbe Rayatz I feel a great connection when I look at his photos. Of course I will never be able to answer why... at least not for now. I do want to share this following story that is very beautiful and far more meaningful than my own
http://www.algemeiner.net/generic.asp?openYear=2006&id=2913&cat=