And you're the only thing that's going on in my mind
Taking over my life a second time
I don't have the capacity for fucking
You're meant to be helping me
When I said I liked it better without my money, I lied
It took a little while to recognize
That I, I'm not giving it up again
- zipper // brockhampton
( pretty sure i'm maniacal, but what do i know? / i don't know, all i know is what i see through my monocle / that and the telescope keep one lens on the money flow / the other's gold and complemental trusty, well, well )
- runrunrun // dutch melrose
( i always thought it would be easy / to get you out my mind / i think i found a new addiction / and it feels so right / run, baby, run, run for your life / i'ma tear out your heart, it'll always be mine / run, baby, run, run for your life / gonna tear out your heart, it'll always be mine )
- tear you apart // she wants revenge
( it's only just a crush, it'll go away / it's just like all the others, it'll go away / or maybe this is danger, and he just don't know / you pray it all away, but it continues to grow )
- new magic wand // tyler, the creator
( ayo, take one look in the mirror, implications so clear / i live life with no fear, except for the idea / that one day you won't be here )
- start a riot // duckwrth, shaboozey
( i'm comin' through with my crew to make 'em pay / i don't need no supersuit, i'm feelin' brave / when i say "Brooklyn, stand up" / you better just fix your posture / and every hero needs his theme song, so )
- seven minutes in heaven // mindless self indulgence
( all this kissing and french kissing / his tongue is overrated / seven minutes in heaven / is all that i need when i get with him / seven minutes in heaven / i hope in the end that I'm not a virgin )
songs that remind me of him // (playlist)
I BET ON LOSING DOGS // MITSKI
I bet on losing dogs
I know they're losing, and I'll pay for my place by the ring
Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down
I'll be there on their side
I'm losing by their side
- brutus // the buttress
( what motivates me - hatred? is it love? / what's more wrong - that i too wish to be great / or my mother wished she'd had a son? / and even if i can't be the one / maybe i could at least help make way for him / until the day that he comes / maybe my name could also be known / that i helped return good to the people / and restored greatness to Rome )
- fake plastic trees // radiohead
( she looks like the real thing / she tastes like the real thing / my fake plastic love / but i can't help the feeling / i could blow through the ceiling / if i just turn and run / and it wears me out / it wears me out )
- placing the blame // self
( are you man enough? are you man enough? / are you man enough to take the blame for this? / are you man enough? are you man enough? / are you man enough to take the blame for this? )
- thick skull // paramore & julien baker
( only i know where all the bodies are buried / thought by now i'd find 'em just a little less scary / might get easier, but you don't get used to it / keep on autopilot / hey, hey / what's the body count up to now, captain? / hit over the head (epiphany) / over my head (repeatedly) / thick skull never did (nothing for me) / same lesson again? (come on, give it to me) )
- it's not living (if it's not with you) // the 1975
( all i do is sit and drink without you / if i choose, then i'll lose / distract my brain from the terrible news / it's not living, if it's not with you )
- rotten // porridge radio
( trying to walk on the balls of my feet / it hurts, it hurts, my puny muscles ache / trying to sing away my rottenness / you tell me i should go outside / you say, "get as much rest as you need" / "but, you'd feel better if you ate the things that made you well" )
songs that remind me of dorian & his crush // (playlist)
SEASON 2 WEIGHT LOSS - HARRY STYLES
Holding, holding out Hoping you will love me now
Holding, holding out Hoping you will love me now
Do you love me now?
Do you? Do you?
Do I let you down?
Holding, holding out
Hoping love will come around
- striptease // carwash
( on and on / like you were my first love / we could just runaway / not tell anybody / i really like the way your hair blows looking back at me / this feels like some bullshit teenage summer dream / the stereo's slapping me across the face / we're running low on gas but we don't have a place to go )
- how could u love somebody like me // artemas
( how could you love somebody like me? / tryna be cold, but it's making you weak / i couldn't hurt somebody so sweet / but it's turning me on just watching you leave )
- i'm your man // mitski
( you're an angel, i'm a dog / or you're a dog and i'm your man / you believe me like a god / i'll destroy you like i am / i'm sorry i'm the one you love / no one will ever love me like you again / no when you leave me, i should die / i deserve it, don't I? )
- between the bars // elliott smith
( drink up, baby, stay up all night / with the things you could do, you won't but you might / the potential you'll be that you'll never see / the promises you'll only make / drink up with me now and forget all about / the pressure of days, do what i say / and i'll make you okay and drive them away / the images stuck in your head / people you've been before / that you don't want around anymore / that push and shove and won't bend to your will / i'll keep them still )
- hate to be lame // lizzy mcalpine, finneas
( it's always on the tip of my tongue / i read an article on the internet / told me that that's how you know you're fallin' in love / don't really trust what's on the internet / but maybe just this once / hate to admit but it might be true / hate to admit but i think you knew / hate to be lame but i might love you )
- heart out // the 1975
( you got something to say? / why don't you speak it out loud Instead of living in your head? / it's always the same / why don't you take your heart out / instead of living in your head? )
songs that remind me of what the boys would play // (playlist)
3005 // CHILDISH GAMBINO
No matter what you say or what you do
When I'm alone, I'd rather be with you
Fuck these other ******, I'll be right by your side
'Til 3005, hold up
Okay, hold up, wait a minute, all good just a week ago
Crew at my house and we party every weekend so
On the radio, that's my favorite song
Made me bounce around, like I don't know, like I won't be here long
Now the thrill is gone
- c'est la vie // yung gravy, bbno$, rich brian
( bitch, i'm 21 but i still walk around with fake id / cuddle with the homies watching "Stand by Me" / this dick ain't free, baby, pay my fee / let me live my life, baby, c'est la vie )
- i wanna see some ass // jack harlow, jetsonmade
( i wanna see some ass / i wanna see some ass / baby, can you do it like that? / from the front to the back / she said, "i don't wanna move too fast" / 'til she hit that gas / ciroc and the puff puff pass / now the whole squad getting fucked up fast )
- no hands // waka flocka flame
( girl the way you movin' / got me in a trance / dj turn me up / ladies this yo jam / imma sip moscato / and you gon' lose them pants / and Imma throw this money / while you do it with no hands )
- knock knock // mac miller
( not a day, goes by / when i ain't gettin' high / they wonder why don't i / go get myself a job / so i can make, them bucks / but i don't give a fuck / no, i feel great / bitch, i feel great / 1, 2, 3, 4, some crazy-ass kids come and knocked up on your door so
Let 'em in, let 'em in, let 'em in (hey) )
- i ain't worried // onerepublic
( i'm at my best when i got something i'm wanting to steal / way too busy for them problems and problems to feel, yeah, yeah / no stressing, just obsessin' with sealin' the deal / i'll take it in and let it go / but i ain't worried 'bout it right now (right now) / keeping dreams alive, 1999, heroes / i ain't worried 'bout it right now (right now) / swimmin' in the floods, dancing on the clouds below / i ain't worried 'bout it )
- oops! // yung gravy
( oh, wait, wait, i, i do know your hoe? / you talkin' 'bout, you talkin' 'bout tracy? / nah, nah, nah, nah, nah / you mean like, like, tracy with the ass? / tracy with the, with the honda? / shit, well / oops! baby / fuck up on your bitch, like oopsie daisy / never knew that was your boo, baby / hit her five times in the coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy / oops! baby gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy / just had to hit, it's my duty, baby / sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby )
One day, I am gonna grow wings
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless, hysterical and
Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hang
You know, you know where you are with
You know where you are with
Floor collapses, floating
Bouncing back
- like a stone // audioslave
( i'll wait for you there / alone / and on I read / until the day was gone / and i sat in regret / of all the things i've done / for all that i've blessed / and all that i've wronged / in dreams until my death / i will wander on )
- sober // tool
( why can't we not be sober? i just want to start this over / why can't we drink forever? / i just want to start this over )
- off i go // greg laswell
( loose ends, they tangle down / and then take flight / but never tie me down / never tie me down. / off I go. / where I fall / is where I land. )
- new noise // refused
( great words won't cover ugly actions / good frames won't save bad paintings / we lack the motion to move to the new beat! / we lack motion! )
- mr. brightside // the killers
( it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? / it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss / now i'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab / while he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag / now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick / and it's all in my head, but she's touching his )
- something in the way // nirvana
( and i'm living off of grass, and the drippings from my ceiling // it's okay to eat fish 'cause they don't have any feelings / something in the way, hmm-mmm )
songs that remind me of him // (playlist)
IN THE BLOOD // JOHN MAYER
How much of my mother has my mother left in me?
How much of my love will be insane to some degree?
And what about this feeling that I'm never good enough?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
I can feel the love I want, I can feel the love I need
But it's never gonna come the way I am
Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
- savior complex // phoebe bridgers
( baby, you're a vampire / you want blood and i promised
i'm a bad liar / with a savior complex / all the skeletons you hide / show me yours, and i'll show you mine / all the bad dreams that you hide / show me yours )
- tempest // ethel cain
( i'll hurt myself if i want / i don't care / do you swing from your neck / with the hope someone cares? / please, just go easy on me / i am young and naive / i don't know what i need / "i can lead you to bed / but i can't make you sleep" / i've heard it before / from someone who leave )
- landslide // fleetwood mac
( oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? / c an the child within my heart rise above? / can i sail through the changin' ocean tides? / can i handle the seasons of my life? )
- how to save a life // the fray
( where did i go wrong? i lost a friend / somewhere along in the bitterness / and i would have stayed up with you all night / had i known how to save a life )
- my city of ruins // bruce springsteen
( now there's tears on the pillow, darlin', where we slept / and you took my heart when you left / without your sweet kiss my soul is lost, my friend / tell me, how do I begin again? )
- what sarah said // hobo johnson
( and i rationed my breaths / as i said to myself / that i'd already taken too much today / as each descending peak / on the lcd / took you a little farther away from me / away from me )
songs that remind me of will & christian // (playlist)
BROTHERS ON A HOTEL BED - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
You may tire of me as our December sun is setting
'Cause I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below
Who turned your way and saw something he was not looking for
Both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident
'Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed
- simple man // lynyrd skynyrd
( "come sit beside me, my only son / and listen closely to what i say / and if you do this, it'll help you some sunny day, ah, yeah / oh, take your time, don't live too fast / troubles will come and they will pass / you'll find a woman, yeah, and you'll find love / and don't forget, son, there is someone up above )
- medicine // daughter
( you could still be, what you want to / what you said you were, when i met you / you've got a warm heart / you've got a beautiful brain / but it's disintegrating / from all the medicine )
- achilles come down // gang of youths
( achilles, achilles, achilles, come down / won't you get up off, get up off the roof? / the self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken / remember the pact of our youth / where you go, i'm going, so jump and i'm jumping / since there is no me without you )
- ain't no rest for the wicked // cage the elephant
( "oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked / money don't grow on trees
i got bills to pay, i got mouths to feed / there ain't nothing in this world for free / i know i can't slow down, i can't hold back / though you know, wish i could / oh no, there ain't no rest for the wicked / until we close our eyes for good" )
- cough syrup // young the giant
( if i could find a way to see this straight / i'd run away to some fortune that
i should have found / by now / i'm waiting for this cough syrup / to come down, come down )
- blood // the middle east
( older brother, restless soul, lie down / lie for a while with your ear against the earth / and you'll hear your sister sleep-talking / say, "your hair is long, but not long enough to reach / home to me / but your beard / someday might be" )
songs that remind me of will & giselle // (playlist)
PUSHING IT DOWN AND PRAYING // LIZZY MCALPINE
I wanna feel guilty
I wanna feel that it's wrong
I wanna know peace again
Wanna sing a different song
I want you to need me (need me)
I need to want somethin' more (somethin' more)
He gives what he can
But now I don't know what he's giving for
Softer, harder, in between
You know just how to get to me
He is stable, you are deep
I know just how to get what I need
- fire away // chris stapleton
( well, i wish i could say / that i’ve never been here before / but you know and i know / that i’ll always come back for more / your love might be my damnation / but i’ll cry to my grave)
- picture you // chappell roan
( do you picture me like i picture you? (oh) / am i in the frame from your point of view? (ooh) / do you feel the same? i'm too scared to say (oh) / half of the things i do / when i picture you )
- she is // the fray
( i don't know where it is, i don't know when, but i want you around / when it falls in place with you and i, we go from if to when / your side and mine are both behind its indication / this is gonna bring me clarity / this'll take the heart right out of me / she is everything I need that I never knew I wanted / this is gonna bring me to my knees / i just wanna hold you close to me )
- once more just to see you // mitski
( but with everybody watching us, our every move / we do have reputations / we keep it secret / won't let them have it / so come inside and be with me, alone with me / alone, with me alone / if you would let me give you pinky promise kisses / then i wouldn't have to scream your name / atop of every roof in the city of my heart / if i could see you / once more to see you )
- when did you get hot? // sabrina carpenter
( now i'm at the prospect convention / my friends walk in your friends direction / said "sabrina, don't you know devin?" / and i was like / huh / when did you get hot? / all the sudden i could look you up and down all day / when did you get hot? / i think i would remember if you had that face / i did a double take / triple take )
- about you // the 1975
( you and i (don't let go), we're alive (don't let go) / with nothing to do, i could lay and just look in your eyes / wait (don't let go), and pretend (don't let go) / hold on, and hope that we'll find our way back in the end )
This isn't rage, it's worth a mention
This is a fake internal tension
Sometimes, I spread out one opinion
And stand on its back to gauge attention
This isn't rage, it's too specific
I like to hate symbolic limits
This is no statement, I'm complicit
This is a dream, God put me in it
- i know the end // phoebe bridgers
( out in the park, we watch the sunset / talkin' on a rusty swing set / after a while, you went quiet / and I got mean / i'm always pushin' you away from me / but you come back with gravity / and when I call, you come home / a bird in your teeth )
- bloody mary // lady gaga
( i won't cry for you / i won't crucify the things you do / i won't cry for you / see, when you're gone, i'll still be bloody mary )
- breakfast // dove cameron
( i eat boys like you for breakfast / one by one hung on my necklace / and they'll always be mine / it makes me feel alive / i eat boys like you for breakfast / and I know that you tried your bestest / i never said it's right / but I'm gonna keep doing it )
- the perfect girl // mareux
( you're such a strange girl / i think you come from another world / you're such a strange girl / i really don't understand a word )
- run run blood // phantogram
( follow me into a swarm of bees / swallow everything you don't believe / drink away all of your memories / say goodbye to your family / it's bigger than life, it's bigger than love, it's bigger than us, bigger than all )
- ptolemaea // ethel cain
( i am no good nor evil, simply I am / and I have come to take what is mine / i was there in the dark when you spilled your first blood / i am here now, as you run from me still / run then, child / you can't hide from me forever )
songs that remind me of her // (playlist)
NOT STRONG ENOUGH // BOYGENIUS
The way I am, not strong enough to be your man
I try, I can't stop staring at the ceiling fan and
Spinning out about things that haven't happened
Breathing in and out
Always an angel, never a god
- six feet under // charlotte sands
( oh, some things never change, i'm still at war with my brain / i want so badly to feel good, i wonder / how much more can i take? i'll just keep diggin' my grave / i won't be happy 'til I'm six feet under )
- american teenager // ethel cain
( sunday morning / hands over my knees in a room full of faces / i'm sorry if I seemed off, but i was probably wasted / and didn't feel so good / a life full of whiskey but i always deliver / jesus, if you're listening, let me handle my liquor / and jesus, if you're there / why do I feel alone in this room with you? )
- devil on my back // chrissy
( i can’t right my wrongs / by stringing you along / while i’m not getting better / you’re waiting patiently / you’re being strong for me / maybe i’m weak because you let me be )
- house song // searows
( mark my words, there's a thousand things / that don't wash out with anything / i keep you clean, you surrounded me / and my windows are breaking / something is rotten inside of me / i have to find it and / cut it out )
- i was all over her // salvia palth
( i guess i am always, it's not a problem it's just something, i got used to it / every stranger makes me feel safer / and every person seems more beautiful )
- liquid smooth // mitski
( i'm beautiful, i know 'cause it's the season / but what am i to do with all this beauty? / biology, i am an organism / i'm chemical, that's all, that is all )
songs that remind me of lilith & carmen // (playlist)
LACY - OLIVIA RODRIGO
Ooh, I care, I care, I care, like perfume that you wear
I linger all the time, watchin', hidden in plain sight
Ooh, I try, I try, I try, but it takes over my life
I see you everywhere, the sweetest torture one could bear
Ooh, I care, I care, I care, like ribbons in your hair
My stomach's all in knots, you got the one thing that I want
Ooh, I try, I try, I try, try to rationalize
People are people, but it's like you're made of angel dust
- she likes a boy // nxdia
( she likes a boy, she likes a boy / she likes a boy, she likes a boy / and i'm not a boy, i'm not a boy / i'm not a boy, i'm not a- / accustomed to making a move / why I'm feeling the way that I do )
- sleepover // hayley kiyoko
( you will never understand / even when you hold my hand / i just feel alone, feel alone / i don't wanna talk about it / i don't wanna think about it / i just feel alone, feel alone / even when you're next to me / it's not the way I'm picturing, no / but at least I got you in my head, oh yeah )
- velvet ring // big thief
( benny loved her like he loved no one / the way she'd laugh and hold a smoking gun / the way she always said, "what's done is done" / and he was not the only one / love is a gentle thing / yours is thicker than a velvet ring )
- boyfriend // dove cameron
( what am i gonna do, not grab your wrist? / i could be a better boyfriend than him / i could do the shit that he never did / up all night, i won't quit / thinking i'm gonna steal you from him / i could be such a gentleman / plus all my clothes would fit )
- softly // clairo
( touch you softly, i call you up late at night / know that it isn't right, but you could be my one and only / you get me in the mood, know what I'm tryna do / do you think that we can move closer, baby? / i want you, ooh-ooh, ooh, ay, yeah )
- (you) on my arm // leith ross
( oh, i wanna be / i wanna buy you / pretty little things / and never ever lie to you / watch you get dressed / and compliment your taste / 'cause i'd be better armed / if you agreed to take it )
songs that lilith studies tarot to // (playlist)
ARMY DREAMERS // KATE BUSH
But he didn't have the money for a guitar
(What could he do?) (Should have been a politician)
But he never had a proper education
(What could he do?) (Should have been a father)
But he never even made it to his twenties
What a waste
Army dreamers
Oh, what a waste of
Army dreamers
Tears o'er a tin box
- season of the witch // lana del rey
( when i look over my shoulder (what happens then?) / what do you think I see? / some other cat looking over / over his shoulder at me / and he's strange, so strange / he's very strange to me )
- hearing damage // thom yorke
( a tear in the membrane / allows the voices in / they wanna push you off the path / with their low-frequency wiring / but you can do no wrong / in my eyes, in my eyes )
- amber waves // ethel cain
( before she leaves / amber waves at me / days go by / time on without me / i'll be alright / i'll be alright / i take the long way home / shaking the bottle and letting them roll / 'cause the devil i know / is the devil I want )
- spellbound // siouxsie and the banshees
( you hear laughter / cracking through the walls / it sends you spinning / you have no choice... / following the footsteps / of a rag doll dance / we are entranced / spellbound / and don't forget / when your elders forget / to say their prayers / take them by the legs / and throw them down the stairs )
- trees and flowers // strawberry switchblade
( for i hate the trees / and i hate the flowers / and i hate the buildings / and the way they tower over me / can't you see? / i get so frightened / no one else seems frightened / only me, only me )
- fade into you // mazzy star
( fade into you / strange you never knew / fade into you / i think it's strange you never knew / a stranger light comes on slowly / a stranger's heart without a home / you put your hands into your head / and then its smiles cover your heart )
I've been searching for the words to say I miss you // I've been waiting for the day you come back home // I know I'm okay but I fucking miss you // And I know you're not coming back home
Never Forget You // Zara Larsson, MNEK
I used to be so happy, but without you here I feel so low // I watched you as you left, but I can never seem to let you go // 'Cause once upon a time you were my everything // It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing
Can't Remember to Forget You // Shakira
And I left a note on my bedpost // Saying not to repeat yesterday’s mistakes // What I tend to do when it comes to you // I see only the good, selective memory
Erase // Omar Apollo
It's cold right now, I miss you for life // It's not going away, I thought I'd be okay,
Somebody That I Used to Know // Gotye, Kimbra
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember // You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness // Like resignation to the end, always the end
Show 'em something better than I might be // Force-feed a narrative, sell 'em what they wanna see // Wait, maybe that’s the way I put the walls up // No one ever gets to get a close-up
The Kill (Bury Me) // Thirty Seconds To Mars
I tried to be someone else, but nothin' seemed to change // I know now, this is who I really am inside // Finally found myself, fighting for a chance // I know now, this is who I really am
Money Power Glory // Lana Del Rey
I want money and all your power, all your glory // Hallelujah, I wanna take you for all that you got // Hallelujah, I'm gonna take them for all that they got
The Real Slim Shady // Eminem
And there's a million of us just like me // Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me // Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me // And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me // 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
I Wanna Be Adored // The Stone Roses
I don't need to sell my soul // He's already in me // I wanna be adored // I wanna be adored
One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall
Rockabye // Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie - She tells him, "Ooh, love, no one's ever gonna hurt you, love"
Here It Goes Again // OK Go - I guess there's gotta be a break in the monotony, but Jesus, when it rains, how it pours
1979 // The Smashing Pumpkins - Junebug skippin' like a stone, with the headlights pointed at the dawn, we were sure we'd never see an end to it all
Hotel California // Eagles - You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Underdog // Imagine Dragons - Hey, that sounds like my luck, I get the short end of it
Songs About Eun-Ji
Where'd You Go // Fort Minor ft. Jonah Matranga & Skylar Grey
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
STAY // BLACKPINK - 날 당연하게 생각하는 너지만 그게 너다워
Somebody That I Used to Know // Gotye ft. Kimbra - Now and then, I think of when we were together, like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Ordinary World // Red - I thought I heard you talking softly, I turned on the lights, the TV and the radio, and still I can't escape the ghost of you
Little Talks // Of Monsters and Men - I don't like walking around this old and empty house, so hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear
How You Are // The Story So Far - Gone now I keep my distance, but still show persistence in trying to find out how you are
