Her lips quivered as she huffed and hiccuped aggressively. Her feet moved rapidly across the marble floors of the hospital as she rushed to the automatic doors. Her palm covered her mouth as she was afraid that if she dropped it, the people around her would hear her cries.
She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her left hand. She felt so embarrassed, so ashamed, over a situation she had no control control over.
While she was getting her blood drawn by her doctor, it seemed that her body lost control over itself. Her eyes rolled back and began to flicker like an old light bums. Her body shook like she was standing on the icy glaciers in Antarctica with no coverings. Her heart rate increased so high that it almost seemed it would pump out of her chest.
It was a seizure, they told her. It lasted only two minutes, but her primary doctor, along with two other doctors from the neurology unit felt that it seemed so much longer.
They informed her that it could possibly be a case of epilepsy. The look upon her face was horrid. She looked frightened in the beginning, because she came to the realization that she could lose control of her body at any place, at any time. Then, it morphed into a frown, and she couldn’t look into the eyes of any one in the room. She was embarrassed.
Now, she refuses sorrowfully down the street to the apartment she shared with Katya and Adya. For once, she was glad that they weren’t there when she pushed the door open and saw their boots weren’t by the door as they usually were.
Sarai kicked off her shoes and placed them on the designated boot tray by the front door and locked the door behind her.
She sauntered today her bedroom and immediately stripped out of her clothes and into more comfortable clothing. After she finished changing, she crawled into her bed and laid on top of her covers.
As she laid against her comforter, she felt her body slow down and her eyes flutter closed. She fell into a slumber.
-
Two hours had passed when she woke up. She could’ve slept throughout the rest of the day and well into the next day if the buzzing of her phone hadn’t caught her attention.
Sarai turned her head against the pillow a few times then extended her hand towards her nightstand. She swiped the device off the surface.
She unlocked it and read the text message she’d received.
Adrian
— How’s 7?
A pout formed upon her lips. She was so into her emotions from earlier that she had forgotten about the dinner. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t feel like rushing to put herself together within two hours. She wasn’t in the mood to go out, there was still a lot for her to process regarding her newly found health condition.
Sarai
— So, so sorry, but I’m not feeling up to going out tonight. I’m not feeling well.
She bit along the skin of her thumb as she waited impatiently for his response. Her heart dropped when she saw the three little bubbles disappear after a short while.
She stared at the screen for many seconds hoping he’d reply, but he didn’t. Her shoulders fell and she released a broken sigh. Great, she said to herself, now he’s upset.
She huffed and tossed her phone to the side before stuffing her face back in her pillow.
-
A knock on the front door hindered her from continuing to stare at the gray wall ahead of her. Her eyebrows furrowed as she wondered who’d be at the door unexpectedly. It obviously wasn’t Katya or Adya, as they had keys to their own home.
Sarai hummed to herself as she pushed herself off her bed and tipped towards the front door. She wrapped her arms around herself as she weaved throughout the maze she called her home.
She peeked through the peephole to see who it could be, and her frown slowly turned into a smile. She quickly unhinged the door and swung it open.
“What’re you doing here?” Sarai gushed as she stepped to the side for the person to enter.
“I mean, you said you weren’t feeling good. So, I thought I’d stop by to check on you,” Adrian explained. “Oh, for you.” He held out a yellow bag that was filled with little goodies.
Sarai hesitantly peeled the bag out of his hand and started towards the living room, gesturing for him to follow. “What’s this?”
Inside the bag was a small little teddy bear along with some of her favorite candies. It was such a simple gesture but she appreciated it so much. It definitely brightened her mood. Aside from Katya and Adya, she didn’t have anyone present to pull her out of her occasional funks. It was nice to have another person to care for her, even if they hadn’t known each other very long.
She opened her arms just slightly for a hug, which he immediately accepted. The young man wrapped his long arms around her small frame and squeezed her tightly.
“Thank you...”
Sarai almost melted into his embrace, finding comfort in his stronghold. She let her cheek fall against his shoulder and her small hands gripped his sweatshirt. She inhaled softly, his sweet cologne filling her nostrils. Her body felt tingly and her eyes slowly began to sting. It was only when she felt his hand rub her back soothingly that the dam had broken.
Everything she’d felt and had thought about, things she kept tucked in the back of her mind because she was too afraid to speak about, in addition to the news she received earlier, hit her all at once and she couldn’t control the way she was feeling.
Sarai was never the type to show any kind of emotion that was deemed concerning. Of course, she seemed shy and quiet, a bit standoffish to some, but she never allowed her sadness, anger, or frustration to become evident to those around her.
Since she kept them all hidden, she had no way of expressing them, she had no way of getting any comfort, any closure. Now, she sat in the arms of the boy who seemed to have more care for her in the world, with tears streaming down her face.
She was tired.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
Sarai pulled away just slightly and wiped her damp face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
“I come with a lot of baggage, Adrian,” she whispered. “and that’s a huge deal breaker to some. But, I’m tired, to say the least. I just feel stupid crying. We’ve been talking for a few weeks and you’ve already seen me cry.” A humorless chuckle feel from her lips as she snatched a tissue from the box on the side table next to the couch.
Adrian swallowed and shook his head subtly. How could someone so beautiful, so deserving of every ounce of happiness the universe could provide, be so full of pain and sorrow.
He knew from the get go that there was something pulling her down, locking her in place, but he wasn’t going to ask. It wasn’t his place. She was so closed off, and now she was opening up. Slowly, but surely, she was blossoming. It may have seemed as if she was crumbling in her own eyes, but it was growth.
“There’s no shame in letting yourself feel everything. It’s apart of being human, Sarai,” he started. “Let yourself feel. Let yourself be open and speak about what’s bothering you. It doesn’t have to be to me, or Katya, or Adya. Maybe to a notebook, I don’t know, but don’t hold it in.”
He looked into her sad hazel eyes and bit along the side of his cheek. He hesitantly brought his thumb to her cheek, and he softly wiped the falling tear away. “It’s okay. You can cry today then smile tomorrow...”
it’s the first update in MONTHS. i’m trying to see if i can summon the inspiration to write the last 10 ish chapters of this then edit it. ahhh
