Idk what this is just take it
Mike and Jay wake up hungover, handcuffed, and married together and with no memory of how they got there.
Jay woke up with a pounding headache and something heavy on top of him. He tried opening his eyes, regretting it instantly as the sun from the window blinded him and made his headache worse. Jay's mind caught up to the fact that he wasn't in his or Mike's apartment. Jay opened his eyes again trying to ignore the sun as best as he could. He must have drunk Mike's body weight in liquor to feel this shitty. Speaking of Mike he was holding on to Jay asleep. Jay went to move but Mike had him pinned down.
"Mike?" Jay's throat was so dry "Mike get off of me." Mike shifts a little and Jay notices that they're both shirtless and Jay's pretty sure he doesn't have any pants on. Jay shoves at Mike until he finally rolls over freeing Jay. He moves up too fast, he sees spots. He goes to move his left hand but can't, he pulls again he looks to find he's handcuffed to Mike.
"Shit, shit, Mike wake up" Jay panics forgetting that he feels like shit. Mike wakes up to Jay half naked in bed with him, he knows that he's not dreaming because he feels like his head fucked a brick wall, Mike sits up. "Mike we're handcuffed together"
"What? What the fuck?"
"I don't know! What the fuck did we do last night?" That's when Jay sees it, the silver band on his left ring finger. "Mike?" Jay raises his handcuffed hand and with it Mike's, Mike sees it.
"Didn't we pawn that?"
"It's not the one plinkett got me"
"How much did you drink last night?"
"Let me see your left hand Mike"
"What?why?" Mike asks as he gives his hand to Jay.
"I think WE got married" sure enough Mike was also wearing a ring
"And what? this is the honeymoon suite?" Mike looks around at the shit motel room, it reeks of mildew.
"I guess" Mike frowns at that, not that he's imagined marrying Jay and booking a room at the classy hotel on the other side of town, nope, he totally didn't project his wedding ideas on to Jay and plinkett. "Do you know where the keys are?" Jay waves his arm around like Mike doesn't know that they are handcuffed together.
"No I don't remember anything from last night, we must of had tequila"
"At least I didn't throw up everywhere, fuck my throat hurts" Mike watches Jay, he's got a huge hickey between his shoulder and neck, it's a wet dream come true Jay looks like someone out of playgirl magazine, all muscle and hairy in the right places. Mike looks away before he can get a hard on.
"Did we fuck?" Jay turns red
"no.. No I don't think we did, did we?"
"Uh no I guess not, must of passed out before anything happened"
"Not before we could get married and handcuffed"
"You see the keys anywhere?" Mike checks his pockets with no luck. The bedside tables are bare lamps knocked over. "Let me get to my pants" they maneuver poorly around the bed first trying to get off the bed on different sides then Jay moving to Mike's side. Mike watches Jay bend over to grab his jeans. "Fuck, a lest my phone's here" Jay stands back up looking through his phone. "Oh no I texted my sister last night I told her that we were gonna get married" Jay didn't let Mike see were his sister texted back 'omg you guys finally talk to each other' Jay's sister had always insisted that Jay should talk about his feels for Mike to Mike because he might feel the same way. Jay shakes his head he regrets it instantly "god I'm so hungover"
"Same, why did we end up drinking so much?"
"I don't know, hey did we go to a birthday party"
"Yeah, Rich that one customer, it's really sad that he had to invite the people who repaired his VCR."
"All he had was tequila I can't remember anything after that"
"He made us watch shit Vhs movies"
"Oh god" Mike watches as Jay puts on his jeans "the keys must be here unless we got shirtless somewhere else" Jay tries his best not to look at Mike's bare chest, Mike's not often shirtless in front of him maybe he should ask why that is. Mike takes lead looking, they trash the place, Jay finds Mike's phone under the bed. There's a black video with some audio of Mike and Jay talking
"Jay baby"
"Ew don't call me that"
"Babe, pumpkin, honey bunny"
There's some muffled sounds and Jay moaning. Jay can't believe he sounds like that. Mike's never deleting this.
"Must of been when you got that" Mike points at the huge hickey on Jay's neck.
"Got what?" Mike follows Jay into the bathroom.
"Oh my God, what did you do to me?"
"You didn't seem to mind at the time" Jay can feel himself blush. Jay really didn't mind, getting marked by Mike was thrilling. Jay suddenly remembers get pushed down on the bed, Mike between his legs undoing his pants
"hey there's the key" Mike and Jay both bend over to grab the key off the floor bumping heads.
"Ow"
"Shit" Jay tries again, picking up the key and unlocking the cuffs.
"Mike?" Jay thinks he could do it, tell Mike everything.
"Yeah Jay?"
"Can we go to McDonald's?"
"I thought you were on a diet thing or whatever"
"Cheat day, I'm too hungover to care"
Mike and Jay find their shirts and get dressed. They must have walked to the motel because Mike can't find his car
"Shit"
"At least you didn't drive drunk" Jay and Mike walk across the road to a combination gas station and McDonald's. Jay spends the last $10 on him for their food.They sit down to eat
"Hopefully my car is still at Rich's" Jay nods his head yes after taking a huge bite out of his burger, Mike eyes catch the ring Jay's still wearing, Mike's wearing his too. They're husbands Mike realizes, it's everything he ever wanted but it's not.
"Maybe Rich can tell us what happened"
They eat and find out where Rich's house is before Mike's phone dies. The walk isn't long but feels like forever to Mike. He's freaking out, what if Jay knows how he feels, maybe he remembers what happened and was just drunk enough to go along with it. Jay thinks Mike's being weirdly quiet but then again Mike never been good with hangovers, Jay's amazed that Mike isn't as put out about his car missing Before Mike can think of something to say to Jay they're at Rich's front door and Mike's car is in the driveway.
"Oh thank God" Mike knocks on the door, Rich opens it looking completely fine.
"Heya two love birds"
"Did we get married here" Jay asked
"Sure did, you guys are lucky I invited father Jack"
"What happened? We can't remember anything?"
"You guys drank a shit ton and then went to the bathroom together and came out and wanted to get married" Mike grabbed Jay's hand and moved passed Rich
"We need to use your bathroom again"
They make it to the bathroom and Mike closes and locks the door.
"What are you doing Mike?"
"I think I remember what happened" Mike leans forward and kisses Jay. Jay stands in shock. "Shit, you don't, you don't feel the same way" Mike goes to make it to the door to run away but Jay stops him blocking the door.
"What do you mean Mike?" Mike thinks he can fix this, maybe things can be like before they can just ignore the kiss.
"Uh nothing"
"Mike please tell me"
"It doesn't have to mean anything, you don't feel the same way, we can just go back normal"
"You don't know how I feel"
"Yes I do"
"No you don't"
"Prove it" Jay pulls Mike into a kiss, it's a terrible messy kiss but Jay is pretty sure he's gotten his point across.