#hitting stuff

[followerofmercy]

Protip: don’t try and hold out to see how far someone can bend your arm backwards before you ask them to stop. 

I may or may not have been unable to straighten my arm out the next morning. 

[followerofmercy]

I have gained 10lbs (minimum) in muscle over the past 3 months and I AM LIVING

I SHALL LIFT ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN TOWARDS GLORIOUS VICTORY 

[followerofmercy]

Life is stranger than fiction because I accidentally choked a guy to unconsciousness yesterday and HE SNORED

I THOUGHT HE WAS MESSING WITH ME BUT NO. UNCONSCIOUS PEOPLE SNORE. 

[followerofmercy]

Ay so that motherfucker Steve made me cry last night.

Longass post under the cut

It was my first night back at fight club after about a week because I had a lot of school stuff going on. I was grumpy and exhausted but excited to finally be back doing the stuff I love. I get in there and it’s open mat night, meaning you do whatever with whoever. 

My buddy Rodriguez brought a girl named Jade over. Apparently they were doing something and he didn’t have time to drop her off back home, I dunno, she was there. Rodriguez introduced us, she said she’s really shy and was planning on sitting there until it was time to go and I was like “hell naw.” 

Ok not really. I actually asked her whether she wanted to learn some self defense stuff while she’s stuck here. I showed her as much stuff as I could in about 1.5 hours - basics like pay attention to your surroundings, verbally tell people to fuck off if they’re getting too close, kick them if they rush you, if the kick fails smack them in the face until they stagger and kick in the groin. Fun stuff! She did awesome I’m very proud of her. 

We defended a choke from behind, one of my personal favorite defenses, next. Basically when someone throws their arm around your neck from behind and tries to choke with the forearms or elbow crease, just dig your fingers in-between the arm and the neck, pull down with the elbows, shift your hips out to the side the arm came from and then take one entire forearm and slam it into your attacker’s groin. They’ll recoil, release the choke, then you turn and kick their knee in sideways. The thing people have a hard time realizing is that you will never be able to pull someone’s arm away and that’s ok. All you need to defend the choke is the ability to breathe, which the elbow strength can do. 

Anyway her and I practiced a bit, she did great, but she looked a unconvinced. She said “I’m not very strong though. I don’t think I’d be able to get their arm away.” I got super excited because that meant I got to show the cool as fuck demonstration. I run off to get Steve (who I thought wasn’t paying attention to us). The demonstration is having Steve grab me by the neck from behind and lifting me off the ground to demonstrate how effective the block is. Both my legs are off the ground, I’m holding myself up by his arm and I can still breathe. It’s effective, shock value is great and I love it. 

He took it a step further and offered to do the same thing for Jade and this awesome woman agreed to it. I am so fuckin’ proud. She hasn’t touched martial anything in her life and she’s out here trying new things <3

Afterwards, her and I practice stuff like “how to fall on concrete without breaking your arm”  before I go spar with Rodriguez for the rest of the night. At closing Steve did the nightly motivation speech followed by the hug line. When I hugged him, he whispered “see me after class” in my ear. 

I’m like “aight.” Also, very proud of myself for no longer assuming the worst when I hear that. As soon as he finished up talking to everyone, he comes to meet me in the hall and glares at me.

“I swear if your father does anything to fuck up your martial arts career, I will personally hunt him down and beat his ass.” 

That got my attention. Got lots of emotions like “!!!!I have a protective male figure that I respect in my life!!,” “awww,” “Holy fuck I haven’t heard him threaten anyone before” and “...career?”  

Dude claps me on the shoulder and said “If we didn’t have a three months experience requirement I’d give you your white belts right now.” 

I went :O and then immediately said “Wait why?”

He said “I saw what you did.” Normally that’s not a good thing but then he went on and on about how he was watching me be excited to help others and show what (little) I’ve learned so far. In his opinion, the four requirements for getting a white belt are a foundation in self defense (which I have), being able to handle yourself sparring/willingly and happily engage in getting hit (which I can), the basics of the specific martial art (which I don’t have yet but he said I’ll definitely have that down in three months) and a willingness to share and help others learn. He said he’s so proud of me that I’m already over the ego-boosting portion of learning this stuff, that I’m confident in myself. 

This dude is so fuckin’ aggressive with his praise too. I mean he’s cussing up and down and growling like he’s trying to suppress a yell. Anyone else looking in would’ve thought he was chewing me out for dishonorably beating someone up or something. I love it. Reminds me of my mom. 

Anyway he finished going on and on about it and then I went home. Somewhere in his rant I started crying because I was so touched and happy. I’m gonna get my own set of MMA gloves and commit to this. 

[followerofmercy]

I’ve reached what I’ve wanted in friendship. 

Just asked a girl for a recipe. She responds and also tells me that her boyfriend (that I am also friends with) says hello. 

I have found good people and this is happiness

[followerofmercy]

Aight I go off about the martial arts stuff a lot but I am amazed at what it has done for my mental health. I’m not gonna go over the sappy details of Life Before MMA because that’s neither helpful nor important. The important part is how my attitude has changed.  

Steve goes on and on about how martial arts is a character building thing and... I admit I brushed him off as being sentimental. Turns out he was right, go figure. 

For one, I have more self respect. I’m less willing to take nonsense from people that I don’t have to. I’m less likely to shy away from conflict (I mean, I’m still me so I do my damnedest to avoid conflict, but I’m less a doormat and more ‘compliant to a point.’) This isn’t even with peers, this is with people above me. 

Example: My PI (the guy that I work for in lab) has been making passive aggressive comments about me not being in lab. I met him for something and I let two of the comments slide before I interrupted him and called him out on it. Something along the lines of “I’m getting the sense you’re frustrated that I haven’t been here as much as you’d like.” He blinked, apologized and told me it’s not that he’s irritated. He, in his exact words, said “I miss you,” and then a bunch of stuff about him having hope for me doing really good things in the lab and all that. Good stuff. It was a case of miscommunication and I left feeling much better about things. Now, four months ago I never would’ve confronted him about it. I’d just feel bad until I guilted myself into overworking myself and going in more. 

Secondly, I’m far more confident in myself/less anxious all the time. There is nothing quite like marching down the street knowing with absolute certainty that I could maul 95% of the population. I’m not going to because I’m not violent for no reason, but it’s... weirdly empowering. Like, it’s given me a choice. I’m not being nice because I want to avoid pissing off someone tougher than me. I’m not polite because I’m afraid. I am making the conscious decision to be nice to people that I could very easily turn into a red smear because I want to do the right thing. There is no more threat looming over me demanding that I stay in very narrow lines. 

It’s also helped me stop idolizing/being afraid of people in higher positions. I have one professor who makes snotty comments. He’s just a dick. It’s gotten easier to brush him off. Because really, without ‘laws’ and ‘social expectations’ to hide behind, I’m stronger than him. I’m not going to defenestrate him, but I have that option. I’ve heard all the advice about bullies: it doesn’t matter what they think, they’re just jealous, etc etc. I have a hard time getting any comfort out of ‘what he thinks won’t matter in five years.’ I do take comfort in “his skills are actually very niche and without the framework of civilization to carry him, I am many times his superior. What he thinks doesn’t matter in the natural state.” So that’s been nice. 

Also, I’m less angry all the time? 

Don’t get me wrong, I still have an abnormally high rage baseline but at least it’s not a constant, nagging feeling. This is probably because I’m not afraid all the time. Being angry was a small way that I could feel more powerful, and if I was powerful then I wouldn’t be in danger all the time. Now I don’t need anger to inflate my perception of power because I’m actually powerful lol. 

[followerofmercy]

Finally got kicked in the crotch today. Not a pleasant feeling. 

[followerofmercy]

I sprained my ankle last night (in the coolest way possible I might add) and I was instructed to keep it elevated. I am currently in a cold ass building, jacket in my lap as a blanket, one leggy sticking out to prop on a nearby chair for elevation and this dude just looks at me. 

Yeah that’s right. I have my foot on upholstery. Keep walking, mister. I sprained this ankle by kicking a dude. I’ll kick you too. Don’t you dare try me I’m missing kickboxing tonight and I am itchin’ to get some practice in.