#hoa rules

[friendlygoodhoa]

No Cultural Foods Allowed To Be Consumed In Our Neighborhood, You Can Only Eat Gruel

-babara weenis, hoa bigbrain mastermind

[friendlygoodhoa]

I Am A Domestic Terrorist

-Barbara Penis , HOA Head

[friendlygoodhoa]

Dear Residents,

We have spied on your personal conversations for a year now and we must say we are APPALLED that at least two households are accusing our HOA of being a CULT. We are not a cult!! We just spy on your every move, want you all to be exactly the same, and shun you if you don't follow all of our unwritten rules on hypernormalcy!! WE ARE NOT A CULT!!

And I did NOT post my unmentionables on NextDoor!!

-Barbra NotPostingCooter Wenis, Friendly HOA Board Master & Leader Grand Wizard

[friendlygoodhoa]

In keeping with the sophisticated and soulless aim for our suburban neighborhood, we must remind that NO HUMOR OR LAUGHTER ARE ALLOWED ON THE PREMISES, NOR IN YOUR OUTSIDE LIVES WHILE YOU RESIDE WITH US.

Please make an effort to invasively spy on your neighbors to make sure they are not involved in laughter or any comedic shenanigans.

ANY JOKES OR GIGGLES WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE EXCOMMUNICATION AND CEREMONIAL CATAPULTING FROM THE PREMISES.

Thank you for your cooperation,

-Barbara Wenis, HOA Board Head

[friendlygoodhoa]

APRIL NEWSLETTER

MERRY SPRINGINGS

EMERGENCY COMPLAINT:

I, Barbara Wenis, HOA Board President, PERSONALLY witnessed a resident SNEEZED inside of their home. One resident Goddard Godfard of home unit 992. THIS BEHAVIOR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Such behavior is anti social and rude and disruptive and disrupts the tranquility and enjoyment of the neighborhood and surrounding premises. Adjacent neighbors are to keep watch of this and report it or otherwise be incinerated into within flaming hell.

GARDENBS:

DO NOT PLANT GARDEN. We are an American soulless bleak suburb and we are to have LAWN ONLY. NO FLOWER.

In keeping with Only Soulless Grass Laws, we also remind that we disallow BEES and BUTTERFLIES, and all LIFE SUSTAINNG INSEXTS.

Anyone caught with flower will be SACRIFICED FOR DECORATIVE NON-FUNCTIONAL CURTAINS.

This concludes a April springum newsletter. Happy flower spring! (REMBER NO FLOUWER ALLOWED)

-HOA President Barbra Wenis

[friendlygoodhoa]

A reminder to all residents: women and girls are not allowed to reside on, within, or be floating above any of our properties.

-Barbara Wenis, HOA President

[friendlygoodhoa]

Please know that it is inappropriate, against HOA rules, and highly illegal to question our HOA Treasurer, Rich Hasmoney, about his use of homeowner and renter HOA fees. It was purely coincidental that Mr. Hasmoney purchased a new vacation home in the amount of $2,837,936 with our HOA information on the check.

P.S. We will be raising rent by $800 for each renter and HOA fees will also increase by $1000 monthly. Homeowners on a mortgage can also expect higher dues of an undisclosed amount. There will be three days to move out of our HOA if you disagree.

-Barbara Wenis, HOA President

[friendlygoodhoa]

I'm afraid there was a recent incident today and therefore we must reiterate our rules on poop size allowed to be flushed down the toilet in any of our properties or buildings.

Our resident in 462, Ted Normalson, not only broke the poop schedule rule by pooping at 5:12pm, clearly outside the schedule rule of 9am to 5pm, but he also produced a poop outside our sizing and quantity rules. The radius of the poop in question was 2 inches, and there were poop chunks exceeding our limit rule of 1.

Any poop produced in our properties and flushed down the toilet must only be produced between the hours of 9am to 5pm daily. Poop quantity must be limited to 1 unit, and must not have a radius in girth exceeding 1 inch.

-Barbara Wenis, HOA President