#holidayupdate2019

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

A Merry Markle Christmas Update...

I don’t even know where to begin with these two.  They took a break from work, but they sure didn’t take a break from drama. So. Much. Drama.

I haven’t logged in since Thanksgiving, so this update is going to be looooong. Hopefully it will be helpful to other people who tuned out during the holidays. If you’ve been following them over the past two months, you can skip this post. BTW, I’ll only cover the Harkles in this post. I don’t have space for Andrew’s epic mess or the Cambridge #Shruggate. I’ll cover them in other posts or anons.

I’ll start with something small and insignificant than nonetheless struck me as weird. They celebrated the anniversary of their engagement ANNOUNCEMENT.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5X7Wmtl8lX/?utm_source=ig_embed

It’s a nonsensical celebration because they actual engagement took place weeks before, so it has no personal significance, and they are so far down the line the succession that this has no official significance. The only purpose of this was branding, which I found interesting because it is ROYAL branding and at this point Meghan was supposedly courting Hollywood and lining up deals.

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/11/blind-item-8_5.html

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/11/blind-items-revealed-5_16.html

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/11/blind-item-10_21.html

https://pagesix.com/2019/10/20/meghan-markle-prince-harry-to-spend-archies-first-thanksgiving-in-la/

The sudden pivot back to royal-ness was shortly explained, as Meghan’s high profile Hollywood Mommy Mafia “friend” was asked to ixnay the merching.

https://pagesix.com/2019/12/10/meghan-markles-designer-friend-jennifer-meyer-ordered-to-stop-using-her-photos-to-sell-jewelry/

Meyer had talked to People and posted pics on her IG that was supposedly in violation of her NDA with Megs.

https://people.com/royals/meghan-markle-necklace-baby-archie-debut/

Page Six’s “palace source” was very careful to emphasize that the merch was “paid” for.

https://pagesix.com/2019/12/10/jennifer-meyer-must-be-mortified-from-buckingham-rebuke-royal-insider-says/

I found this bizarre since ALL of Meghan’s “friends” talk to the press, with Misha Nonoo and Serena as the most obvious examples. I figured that must be an interesting NDA.

The drama also surprised me. You can ask someone to take pics down without shaming them all over the tabloids. I hate merching as much as the next person, but this seemed over-the-top.

Enty also found it strange.

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/12/blind-item-1_12.html

But Blind Gossip had an interesting explanation. The “family,” it seems, was actually shutting down the “side deal.” That makes more sense to me. Serena and Misha are publicity trades and not money changes hands, but Jen Meyer was a cash deal and it had to be shut down. Imo, this was the most significant event of the holiday season, as far as the Harkles are concerned.

https://blindgossip.com/side-deal-silence/#more-99714

More money was spent on the house they may or may not use.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7735171/Prince-Harry-Meghan-Markle-install-fence-Frogmore-Cottage-home.html

Leaks on how the family “supports” their holiday plans.

https://www.etonline.com/royal-family-members-are-in-support-of-prince-harry-and-meghan-markles-holiday-with-her-mother

According to Omid, they spent Thanksgiving with “close family” on a “long time trip to the US.” This made me laugh because their “close family” is basically one person at this point.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7750251/Meghan-Harry-spent-Thanksgiving-close-family-according-royal-reporters.html

The DM, however, noted that their Thanksgiving post (no Doria pic, which surprised me) had a maple leaf.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5Z7CPglUhd/

Several anons guessed that they would visit a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen in LA. Sorry, guys. Environmentally-sensitive Meghan decided to recycle previous visits to Hubb kitchen, Endeavor fund, Mayhew, etc….

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5sEw55lMDT/

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/10497948/meghan-markle-prince-harry-laugh-adele-grenfell-community-kitchen/

But the Hollywood dream did not seem to be dead. The DM and Telegraph had articles on how good old Keleigh Thomas was helping them line up donors in the US.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7772855/Meghan-Markle-hires-former-Hollywood-publicist-fort-Prince-Harrys-charity-foundation.html

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1216001/meghan-markle-prince-harry-sussex-royal-foundation-launch-usa-duchess-of-sussex-royals

But the US expansion was denied to Harper’s Bazaar.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a30195820/meghan-markle-is-not-working-while-on-royal-break/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B53LHh3l6kI/

And the “friend” merching certainly wasn’t dead. Nacho Figueras announced his new hilariously-named WINDSOR perfume, named after a “brotherhood of kindred spirits.” A portion of sales will go to Sentebale. I died when I saw this. DIED. Congrats to the anon who guessed that Harry would end up selling branded scents. You really nailed this one.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7776851/Prince-Harrys-close-friend-Nacho-Figueras-launches-perfume-called-Windsor.html

This was wild. Can you image Will’s reaction if Roger Federer came out with a “Kensignton” cologne brand? Will would probably beat him to death with his own racket.

Not all friends get the special charity marching treatment, though. The Henry Van Straubenzee Memorial fund announced it expects to receive a lot less money now that Will and Harry aren’t playing polo any more.

https://www.eonline.com/uk/news/1103277/how-prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-s-christmas-card-will-break-royal-tradition

Meghan and Harry missed the carol service this year, of course. Remember when they made it all about themselves last year? Good times.

My favorite part of that Richard Eden piece is that Lady Gabriella Windsor wants to get in on the merching action, but Eden doubts she’d be allowed to use the Windsor name. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. Nacho gets to use it, but Gabriella doesn’t.

The hopes of a Doria pic weren’t dead either. Their Christmas card would supposedly “break tradition” and include Doria as part of the family.

https://www.eonline.com/uk/news/1103277/how-prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-s-christmas-card-will-break-royal-tradition

But by mid-December the card had not yet been “finalized.”

https://www.ok.co.uk/royal/royal-news/meghan-markle-christmas-card-archie-21117530.

I guess Meghan was too busy arranging letters of support from all and sundry

https://twitter.com/scobie/status/1206546787093360640

Including poor Martha Louise. This one made me laugh.

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/meghan-markle-shaman-durek-princess-martha-louise-norway

Meghan also touted her charity influencer prowess. This was also a running theme during the holidays with lots of little articles on what she can do for a charity with  social media post.

https://twitter.com/scobie/status/1204064665078312962

And bitching that the MoS wanted to do legal discovery and was not coughing up money right away. I guess the side deals crackdown hurt her bottom line and she needs the cash.

https://www.bylineinvestigates.com/mail/2019/12/13/royal-exclusive-mail-on-sunday-using-litigation-fatigue-to-frustrate-duchess-of-sussex-in-court-legal-claims

(WARNING: This website is malfunctioning but you can get the story through the Wayback Machine at https://web.archive.org/web/20191228221154/https://www.bylineinvestigates.com/mail/2019/12/13/royal-exclusive-mail-on-sunday-using-litigation-fatigue-to-frustrate-duchess-of-sussex-in-court-legal-claims)

Harry dressed up as Santa for Scotty’s Little Soldiers. This should have made more of a splash than it actually did.  Even Meghan didn’t bother posting it on her IG

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7814779/Prince-dresses-Santa-send-special-message-bereaved-British-Forces-children.html?ico=pushly-notifcation-small

This is probably a good time to point out that I track this crap because I’m a Harkle completist, but most of this was completely overshadowed by the UK election, Boris, the Cambridges, Andrew, #Shruggate, Trump, impeachment, President Obama’s Christmas music list, Mariah Carey’s song hitting the Top 100, and Baby Yoda memes.

I guess they were upset at the lack of attention because they went on to announce that they were in…Canada. They even made it a point to mention that they were there because they care about the Commonwealth soooooo much.

https://people.com/royals/meghan-markle-and-prince-harry-are-spending-private-family-time-in-canada/

Omid reported that they didn’t go to Sandringham because they didn’t want to be separated from baby Archie on Xmas day and the tot would have had to spend dinnertime with, horror of horrors, his cousins if they’d gone to Norfolk. Oooookay.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1220144/Meghan-Markle-Royal-Christmas-Archie-Canada-Prince-Harry

Sometimes I wonder if these people live in a freaking parallel universe. A Christmas children’s table is quite normal, in my experience, and wouldn’t the baby be napping anyway? What a weird reason to give.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a30347306/royal-children-table-queen-christmas-lunch/

Then the Queen’s Christmas message photos came out and Meghan and Harry were nowhere to be seen.

https://pagesix.com/2019/12/24/prince-andrew-meghan-and-harry-missing-from-queens-photos-as-she-notes-bumpy-year/

This was quite the unspoken message—George IV, PC and Cam, and the Cambridges. That’s it. That’s the royal family going forward. Heirs and no one else. There was even a Queen Victoria brooch to stretch the lineage ever further. Is it me, or is the green drawing room a particularly formal space for this message? The whole tableau looked very royal and formal to me, in contrast to other years where the scene was a lot homier.

The whole thing seemed like a well-thought-out, powerful statement. The Queen’s “eighth grandchild” was mentioned, but that was it for the Sussexes. Interesting, since the Harkles seem to have spent most of the holiday trying to appear royal without actually doing anything royal.

https://twitter.com/scobie/status/1209882209332727808

A conundrum that was underlined when the QCT twitter account finally revealed the much-hyped Sussex Christmas card on December 23rd.  Interesting choice of leak outlet. I guess they really are embracing the Commonwealth now.

https://twitter.com/queenscomtrust/status/1209241848411303941

I gotta say, when I first saw a screenshot of this thing I was 100% sure it was fake. I thought a teen fan account had photoshopped a coupled of old pics together to come up for a Frankencard. It not only looked like a cheapo e-card, it was ANIMATED for the love of mercy.

But it was real. Janina Gavankar took it, using the opportunity to merch her new show and blast the DM for falling for a photoshopped copy. I particularly love the irony of letting a “friend” use your Christmas card to promote her show right after another friend’s merching was shot down. Classy.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7824523/Was-Meghan-Markles-face-PHOTOSHOPPED-Christmas-e-card.html

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a30336784/meghan-markle-janina-gavankar-sussex-christmas-card-photoshop/

Then Prince Philip was hospitalized and the Harkles were supposedly asked to return to the UK. LOLOLOL, not happening.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/10613044/royals-urge-prince-harry-meghan-markle/

https://blindgossip.com/christmas-crisis/#more-99810

Then it turned out they were in Vancouver. A local restauranteur outed them. So much for privacy.

https://vancouversun.com/news/local-news/royals-in-b-c-prince-harry-and-family-celebrating-christmas-on-vancouver-island

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7827145/Prince-Harry-Meghan-celebrate-Archies-Christmas-Canadian-hideaway.html

They are staying a house they (probably) borrowed from a “mystery multi-millionaire.” LOLOLOL, just like Prince Andrew. Temporary fencing and cameras were added “as early as December 19,” so it seems they were in LA at least part of the time. BTW, was this the private jet millionare who flew her to Jamaica? Did anyone figure that out?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7832511/Meghan-Harry-spent-Christmas-baby-Archie-14m-Canadian-waterfront-mansion.html

Anyway, Trudeau welcomed them to Canada. I guess they are trying to make this “official.”

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a30303305/meghan-markle-prince-harry-canada-justin-trudeau/

The Canadians don’t seem to like the security so much. They got turned away at a fancy restaurant. I think these were the people who outed them.

https://pagesix.com/2019/12/27/swanky-canadian-restaurant-turns-down-meghan-and-harry-over-security-needs/

And Enty had the inside scoop on exactly what such security entailed. This really makes it clear that the “pub pics” from Windsor HAD to be released by them. No wonder the pub denied they visited. They signed an NDA.

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/12/blind-item-5_26.html

According to the Mail, the restaurant people were then ruthlessly harassed by the lovely Harkle fans. Ugh.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7832511/Meghan-Harry-spent-Christmas-baby-Archie-14m-Canadian-waterfront-mansion.html

Then the Mail revealed that they trademarked everything back in June. Somehow, I get the feeling that the MoS is not going to roll over and cough up the big bucks just yet.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7831355/Duchess-plans-turn-Sussex-Royal-brand-global-empire.html

Blind Gossip says this is all part of their grand monetization scheme. If Nacho’s gruesome fragrance cash grab is anything to go by this is going to be insanely tacky. I can’t wait to see it.

https://blindgossip.com/the-big-plan/#more-99874

BG also had news regarding a possible second baby. I guess we can look forward to more bellycupping in 2020! Maybe we’ll get a “Royal Sussex” diaper line as well. That would be very fitting.

https://blindgossip.com/the-pregnant-pause/#more-99836

My read on all this is that their big Hollywood adventure crashed hard and fast, partially because the family killed their LA merching arrangements. Hence the sudden pivot towards charity and the Commonwealth. The moolah will now go through the charity. I am cackling at the thought of hundreds of little perfume, jewelry and hat “charity” sponsorships.  Royal Sussex Tequila? Royal Sussex china at Soho House? The possibilities are endless.

Luckily the brf is distancing itself as fast as it can. HM’s Christmas message was followed by George and Charlotte’s Christmas walk, another big statement as they were walking with Charles.

https://people.com/royals/see-every-photo-of-prince-george-and-princess-charlottes-first-official-royal-christmas/

Karen Anvil got the new “Fab Five” pic.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7826341/Norfolk-mother-strikes-gold-second-time-snap-royals-going-Christmas-Day-service.html

That’s the future of the brf – PC and the Cambridges. The Yorkie girls participated, but Andrew was sidelined and the Harkles are left in Vancouver Island, desperately reposting old royal photos and trying to sell their comped Canadian holiday as a meaningful choice in support of the Commonwealth.

I find it amusing that the Harkles ended their year desperately trying to polish their Commonwealth and royal bona fides. This has been the worst year for the brf since 1997 and everyone was lined up as support…except the Harkles. They were nowhere to be found.  It doesn’t matter how much stuff they leak through QCT and how many Justin Trudeau tweets they get. They are satellite royals on a Halley’s Comet orbit.

They are now in the same situation as all the minor royals, desperately trying to parlay their royal connection into a reliable source of income. I admit to being surprised. I expected the Hollywood stuff to work out for them, at least for a while. Congrats to the anon who kept insisting that I was totally delusional and Meghan would crash and burn in Hollywood. You were absolutely correct. The Hollywood strategy was DOA and I’m not sure they have much of a plan for next year other than bellycupping, charity merching, and waiting to see if the DM pays up.

That’s it for the update, if I missed anything please let me know. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. BTW, what happened to that charity dinner she was going to Skype to? Did that happen? Is it going to happen?