#homebasebuildiv

[misaelsoto]

realization eachother

i'm not talking to myself, i'm talking with myself. i forgot to talk with myself... yelling about like a crazy person... not acting like a plant, but being a plant. realizing you were once a plant and so you are plant... nothing matters and everything matters and nothing matters more and everything matters more... lukewarm miso soup from hanae is better than no miso soup from hanae... shoes are easier to carry if you wear them... i don't want to go to bed at all tonight.

relax.

now, i came to berlin to make the world a better place. tonight i realized and told myself that it doesn't care about me. like the beyonce and tira .gif says quoting herzog, the universe is indifferent. but i love it anyway. maybe that's why we keep falling in love with the ones we can't have. it's how we love the world that couldn't care less about us (everyone does it, only some admit it. right?). there is no wrong way to love. everyone is loving each other, even when they're killing each other (i think eachother should be a word). i want to love even more. i just keep forgetting and then i remember and freak out. 

i just want someone to run their hands through my hair until i have an orgasm. i keep thinking about how some boars and pigs have orgasms lasting half an hour and whether or not i would survive such an experience, let alone enjoy it.

i talked to a tree and apologized for hurting it. it didn't respond. at least not verbally.

i don't think i'm romanticizing the end of the year. at least not intentionally. i just realized that's today.

first you realize the universe really is indifferent. it doesn't care... but then you realize that's just how the universe loves... and then you post it on facebook.

i think my molecules killed themselves at least once before, but it wasn't "death." instead it was the next step. they were just really eager to get here, but they quickly grow impatient and now they want to get to the next phase of their existence. it drives my human state crazy!

trust.

earlier today, i got a little crazy and couldn't understand why. my heart hurts, but more so my head was in an ambiguously suicidal place, both foreign and familiar. i had not been there since august. at a pub i heard a horrible version of that song i used to love by snow patrol and sang it forever, breaking my little sentimental heart more and more each time. i thought going to the movies would solve my crazy, but it only kept me from the truth, which i realized on the u-bahn on the way home: i needed to drink some fruit juice (take your vitamins kids). all the stores were closed, even at alexander platz because if germans take anything serious it's their holy sundays. the universe heard me and i found a perfect portion of grape juice in the communal area of the kitchen and then i sat down to write all about where my head has been today.

[misaelsoto]

N O W

i like when songs are from a place. not about something, but from a place. from a moment. - James Murphy

finally got around to watching Shut Up and Play the Hits. i'm now 100% convinced that LCD is THE band of the 00s. the dawn of a new, everybody knows everything Internet-filled age, dancing while staring at your reflection on the glass of the photograph hanging across from you at a bar, calling it quits before you can even get close to failing... they predicted and embodied everything that makes my generation the one-of-a-kind, bittersweet failure that it is. Kanye is the king of fearlessly self conscious loser superstars, but James is the sad wannabe you actually wanna be.

what i wonder and ask now is what's next? with the recession and (the failed) occupy movement and internet/globalism/unificational/fusion and the imminent fall of America's cool (economically, culturally, and otherwise [though godbless Obama, he's trying])... what will become of my generation and those that follow our confused, insecure, and sidestepping footsteps? nobody really cares. let's get that straight and out of the way. but i remain confident and optimistic. its xmas time and everyone around me and on the internet is relaxed, sirene, happy, in love, and full of turkey... i have no traditional attachement to the holiday nor am i around close friends, quite alone in Berlin at the moment, and so i'm presented with the cold truth and loneliness of the way things work, and so then i ask: what's the point? but does there have to be a point? yes, or else i wouldn't be thinking so much and writing and getting dandruff from all the stress. so again, what's the point? well, duh, the point is that there is none. humans create meaning within its absence.

so i want to make art about that. let's make art about now. about this moment and how its just like any other moment unless you make it more than it is. let's take from the past and take from the future and shove it all in the present so that it's so full and bursting with presence and N O W that its impossible to forget, forever engrained in the inside of the stars.

[misaelsoto]

the more i think about it, the more i'm afraid the perfect ending to this residency will include me throwing my laptop out my studio window.

[misaelsoto]

research

[misaelsoto]

You are lucky to be one of those people who wishes to build sand castles with words, who is willing to create a place where your imagination can wander. We build this place with the sand of memories; these castles are our memories and inventiveness made tangible. So part of us believes that when the tide starts coming in, we won't really have lost anything, because actually only a symbol of it was there in the sand. Another part of us thinks we'll figure out a way to divert the ocean. This is what separates artists from ordinary people: the belief, deep in our hearts, that if we build our castles well enough, somehow the ocean won't wash them away. I think this is a wonderful kind of person to be.

Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

thanks for sharing this with us Anat :)

[misaelsoto]

how to get into HomeBase Lab, Pankow, Berlin #2

[misaelsoto]

how to get into HomeBase Lab, Pankow, Berlin.