btrinidad01 replied to your post: “I used to have friends who would talk about wanting to die and...”:
I think the wanting numb oneself is normal when your in a deep depression. Though I think it could help by telling your therapist about it, the only thing about that is they may advise you to take some anti-depressants to try to balance things out.
I don’t know how these things work. I’m already on medication and that’s what I took. Like I said, it’s a good thing I only had maybe three of the heaviest in my med. box and I forgot I had a full box on my shelf. I took the smaller dose of xanax too, I didn’t touch the larger ones (or at least they looked intact... I don’t know anymore), I took 3 or 4 of the sleeping pills (and forgot that I had a different kind in the box, thank god). I also had some drugs similar to Xanax in a small bottle and the cap had some smudge on it so maybe I took some of that? I have no idea. All of this and a lot of vodka. But all I remember is taking the sleeping pills, I only remember thinking about taking all my heavy medication, not actually taking it.
I think at this point she might tell me to go on regular therapy, which might be for the best, but I’ll see how it goes. The next time I can talk to her is on Tuesday. I’m gonna go outside now, I can’t stay in the house.