Red (planet) Rover, send Mars intel right over
If the Olympics have left you feeling physically inferior, then allow me to help you achieve the inferiority trifecta and help you get there intellectually and professionally as well.
(Don't say I never do anything for you.)
NASA has successfully landed a rover onto Mars.
If that has failed to impress you...well, ok. It does seem kinda normal-ish sounding when phrased so plainly, so to make sure we achieve max inferiority (and amazement) allow me to go into some more detail.
First of all, this is only the second time that we Earth folk have successfully landed anything on Mars. And the first time only sort of counts because the spacecraft that the Soviet Union landed their in 1971 "fell silent" (so, probably mistaken for a printer and clubbed by martians) shortly after. That was such a crushing blow for scientists everywhere, they held a moment 40 years of not-landing-on-mars silence out of respect for the fallen space craft.
The second "you guys, this is a big deal and we should all be impressed," reason is that the aptly named Curiosity rover that landed on the planet was done by lowering it from 25-foot-long cables at the end of a hovering rocket stage.
A Hovering. Rocket. Stage. I'm not entirely sure what that is, but it sounds super expensive and impressive. Even the scientists who thought it up were kind of spit balling when the suggestion tumbled from their mouth. Their leader was like, "OK guys, the mars spacecraft moratorium is up. And we have this "rover." Now, how do we land it on Mars?"
Then the scientists were like, "give it a GPS system." But someone quickly reminded them that Google Maps hasn't updated their maps, so it would take the Rover the long way (past Jupiter) and it would take too long to get there.
So then there were a few brainstorming sessions where they suggested - and shot down - a lot of ideas.
"What about a space parachute?"
"Nah. Unpredictable."
"Make a monkey land it?"
"PETA would be pissed."
"Let's land it by joystick from mission control."
"Nelson, please. What was the last game you played that used a joystick?"
"Wii-mote?"
"Signal doesn't travel far enough."
"Maybe lower it from cables at the end of a hovering rocket stage?"
"By George, George - that sounds Star Trekky enough that it just might work!"
So that's what they did. And before you get all unimpressed on me, this isn't like a remote control-car-sized rover. This is an ACTUAL car-sized rover. An actual car. Most of us can't even navigate cars that well when we have the advantage of gravity, roads and clearly visible "drive-here" guidelines.
And they landed it. ON MARS.
You're probably adequately impressed now, but let me give you one more reason for you to question your daily activities, just in case. This $2.5 billion dollar car (Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yeah...this thing cost a hefty chunk of change) is powered by the heat of a chunk of plutonium. Which means on top of being cooler than any of us, it is it's own electricity generating scientific lab.
When it landed, scientist everywhere were crazy happy. I mean, you would have thought that this was literally Armageddon and Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck actually saved us from meteors. I mean, look at these guys:
But in a world where not failing is succeeding, succeeding is kinda like winning the lottery.
Or saving the world....so maybe it IS like Armageddon...
So, carry on doing what you're doing. But stay humble because, well, it's hard to do anything cooler than conquering SPACE.
(Although - and not to brag - but I managed to make coffee that didn't taste like dirt this morning, thank you very much. So - yeah. Almost exactly the same thing, I think.)