Under the Circus Lights
(Also a fic below the cut if you're bored, it's like 3.6k words)
T rating, like one or two swears. This is basically just Under the Circus Lights by Owl City as Jesterdoll... it's like one of my favorite songs ever so like I HAD to. Alternate Universe- Owl City fr. I already posted this on AO3 (my pseud is fvck_face)
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Usually, an event such as loud as a circus would have Pomni grimacing from the sheer thought.
But, after an especially boring week, she always craved some sort of thrill. Accounting was nice to do, don't get her wrong; she found the familiarity of finances comforting. Just her, and her work. But, on occasion, the understimulation made her want to claw her eyes out. Often, she questioned what her sanity would look like, doing this for the rest of her life. So, mental stimulation was the ticket. And, if said ticket entailed a large crowd with even louder entertainment on a Friday night, so be it.
She had packed some noise-canceling headphones, just in case.
This circus was apparently one that traveled the world, and while they weren't as well known as Cirque du Soleil yet, they were becoming widely recognized for some of their advanced digital visual effects. Stepping off the city transit, she continued to bury her nose in the little information pamphlet that came with her ticket. Apparently, they were originally from Australia, picking up different members as they traveled. The setting summer sun proved it more difficult to read, before the colorful glow of circus lights began to light the way in the twilight, to a massive stadium, with giant projector decals making it look like a striped tent, in yellow and red. She finally tore her eyes from the paper, taking in the sight. Digging through the pockets in her hoodie, she clutched her ticket, and went to the line leading inside.
It didn't take long for the line to move, fortunately, miraculously, due to how busy it was. But it wasn't stifling, like it usually was for Pomni. Checking in her ticket, she pushed the almost comically large, round glasses back up her nose, taking a good look around.
'There.'
With a big puffy cloud of cotton candy acquired, she hummed to herself. This place was pretty big, and the show wouldn't start for another thirty or so minutes. With her curiousity piqued, she decided to explore. Turning to a less populated hallway, she made her way over, taking little pieces of her treat into her mouth. A little urbexing couldn't hurt.
It had been a while since she'd been out in public. Regardless, she was usually alone, she realized, with a twinge of sadness. The best friends she had were coworkers and acquaintances at best. She didn't have any pets to keep her company, nor people. Her family was one she kept at arm's length; they had choice opinions that she didn't personally agree with. Things that affected her too. Things about her sexuality. Things that they didn't know wouldn't hurt them, she reasoned. She frowned as she began to go down a stairwell that seemed to go down forever, setting her foot on the first step, lost in thought. Her last boyfriend thought she was silly for even worrying. Well, it's not like he really believed that she was bisexual, or at least without thought to his own benefit. In fact, the times he did, he fetishized it... Pomni shook her head, trying to shake the memories from her head, running her free hand through her dark brown bob, under her beanie. That was a few years ago now; he was such a nasty jerk.
She didn't bother dating after that.
But, she didn't wish to dwell on it, no matter how much she wished to have some sort of companion in her life. For now, she was gonna take herself out, dammit. Somehow finding herself at the bottom of the stairwell, she rounded the corner-
-only to collide with a blinding cacophony of sparkles, red curly hair and woman. She felt herself stagger, and fall on her rump.
"Oh-! I'm really sorry, uhm-!" A panicked voice made its way through her daze. Then, an outstretched hand. "Are you alright? I'm sorry!"
Pomni's gaze trailed up the scarred, painted arm, to the woman's face. She felt her breath catch in her throat.
It was one of the circus members.
Specifically, one from one of the pages of the pamphlet, in the trapeze section. She had a mane of curly red hair, topped with a big blue bow, and sparkly makeup on her pretty face. She had a lazy eye, and adorned a matching blue one piece covered in buttons and sequins, with laces of purple. Patches were painted on her body. As far as Pomni remembered, her stage name was... she couldn't remember it. How could she, when the blue, focused eye of this gorgeous circus performer seemed to sear her soul? Pomni opened her mouth to reply, but not a sound came from her mouth. She tried again, and realized she was just gaping like a big, dorky fish. So, wordlessly, she took the woman's hand, and found herself on her feet.
The moment their hands touched, she swore she felt a spark.
This lady wasn't tall by any means, but she towered over Pomni. Not like that was very hard to do, but whatever. She found herself captivated by her reddening face.
"...are you okay?" Pierced the silence. Oh right. She was staring and not saying anything.
"Uh, uhm! Yeah, I'm fine." She raised a hand to her temple, fixing her beanie. She didn't care if it was late summer; she loved her hats. "Sorry about that..."
At her reply, the woman seemed to relax. She took her hand away (they were still holding hands? What?) and flashed her a megawatt smile. "It's no problem! I'm just getting ready for the show, I- hey, wait. How did you get back here..? Are you one of the staff here, or...?" She narrowed her eyes, moreso in curiosity than condescension, but it made Pomni panic all the same.
Pomni's eyes widened in embarrassment. Was this place off limits? She raised her hands to her chest. "I... was just exploring before the show, and I didn't know I wasn't supposed to go back here, sorry!"
"Whoa, whoa! It's okay! Uh, I guess Caine forgot to put up the signs again..." The woman sighed, shaking her head. "What's your name?"
Again, the woman in question pushed up her glasses. Under her gaze, she felt like a shy kid again. "Uh, Pomni. And... you?"
"Well, my stage name is Ragatha. I can't give out my real name because of safety stuff, but-! I hope you enjoy the show, Pomni!" Like a switch, she was beaming again.
First things first, this strange woman was standing way too close to her. Secondly, and more oddly, she wanted to lean in. Her hand still tingled from her touch, and Pomni couldn't decide whether she liked it or not. "I- yeah... I hope you enjoy it too! I- uhm!" Her eyes widened as her words caught up to her. God, she just kept making a fool out of herself. The woman looked like she was holding back a laugh, raising a hand to her flushed face. Luckily, a familiar buzz of intercom static saved her from further embarrassment.
"Welcome, ladies and gents! The show will begin in ten minutes! Please, get your extra cheesy corn dogs at the Cheesy Stand and have a seat as soon as possible!"
"Sorry! I need to go! Enjoy the show, Pomni!" The red haired performer rushed past her, to a door to the right leading backstage, leaving Pomni in her wake. She blinked as the door shut behind her.
...she needed to get a spot at the front, Pronto! And maybe a new cotton candy; it got smushed...
Racing up the stairs in record time, she decided against the cotton candy in favor of getting a good seat. Finding one reasonably close enough, she settled down with seconds to spare. Whether her heart was still racing due to the stairs or her encounter with the trapeze performer, was up to speculation at this point. The lights dimmed, and a drumroll sounded from the stage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most spectacular show on Earth! The one, the only, the amazing, Digital Circus!"
The roar of applause was almost deafening.
There were six main acts, as she had read. The first being Ragatha.
She appeared at the top of the flying trapeze rig, smiling and waving in contrast to the darkness around her. Pomni swore she caught her eye. She sucked in a sharp breath as the woman confidently nose-dived down in a way that made her appear as if she were light as a feather, and easily caught the swinging bar, as she entered her act. Easily, the crowd was captured. Smoothly, she sailed around, and then took her place at the central aerial hoop. Another woman about their age, this time adorned in red ribbons and wearing a tragedy mask, appeared in the spotlight at the opposite end as the digital effects came into play. Her mask seemed to have become animated, suddenly lively with many different expressions. As this other woman flipped and twisted in her mahogany silk rig, Ragatha twirled around in the air, seemingly mastering the power of flight. With her movements as hypnotizing as the beat of a butterfly's wings, the show became a breathtaking blur.
At the end of the first act, Pomni had already began to lose her voice. The headphones sat in her bag, long forgotten.
Their next act came with a bit of shock. A pink-haired, heavily tattooed person came into light. They twisted their body in ways that both impressed Pomni and made her want to shriek in horror. Some of the kids in the audience did to her mild annoyance, but the contortionist didn't seem to care.
The third was a lot more lighthearted. It was an old king magician. But, instead of bunnies, he continuously pulled out comically large bugs from his crown, much to everyone's amusement. Until, finally, he pulled out a whole man, much to everyone's amazement.
That led into the fourth act. The man, went right into his own show, wowing the crowd with his risky stunts. So risky, Pomni wondered if they were even legal. He had a permanently smarmy grin as he chased down the poor clowns, throwing meat cleavers at them. Then again, the digital laser effects seemed to amplify everything.
And, after a short intermission with the three clowns dressed as gummy alligators, they were right back into it. Their fifth act led into an assortment of buffoonery, with gigantic bubbles with laser projected faces being blown into existence.
Then, the final act. Basically everything, all at once. To Pomni's utter delight, Ragatha was back. She seemed to drown in the applause, but to Pomni, she was too captivated to notice anything else. As the other members performed for the final time that night below, Ragatha had all the room in the world above. She tore through the air, and Pomni swore she winked at her. She almost died and joined her in the heaven that was her airway, as she went higher and higher amongst the projected fireworks. She could imagine it; dancing up there with her, sending shockwaves throughout the stadium. They would fly, like homesick angels, above, past the town, past the summer twilight, so grand and graceful, swinging in between the stars, together-
"And that concludes our show tonight, everyone! Thank you all, for enjoying the amazing Digital Circus!"
What?
Snapping back to reality, she saw the red-haired woman mid bow, standing in her aerial hoop, as the spotlight faded on all of them. Despite enthusiastically partaking in the standing ovation, Pomni felt a twinge of sorrow. In the dimness, Ragatha began to twist herself down the silk rig below, sort of as one last trick. Pomni couldn't will herself to walk.
She stood there, statuesque, still processing it all as the last of the crowd trickled out of the exits. It was 1 AM in the morning. Her heart still felt like it was hammering its way out of her chest. Shakily, she began to walk. Halfway to the entrance, she spotted a familiar face by the stage, much to her surprised delight, and relief.
"HE-ey! Ragatha!" She winced at the pathetic squeak from her sore vocal cords, but she waved her hand. She rushed over to her, down the stairs. Ragatha noticed her, and returned a smile! Not without a little giggle, but who cared?
"Hi, Pomni!" Ragatha replied back, with a warm grin. She remembered her name! "Did you enjoy the show?"
"You were amazing!" Pomni proclaimed, barely stopping herself from barreling into the taller woman. "How did you do all of that? I'm still- My God-!" She found herself at a loss for words.
Ragatha opened her mouth to speak, but a gruff voice behind her had beat her to it. "Hey miss, the Big Top projectors are packed up." With the owner of that voice sauntering into view, Pomni recognized one of the gator clowns. "You ready to go?"
Pomni's face fell.
"Oh! Almost, Gummigoo! Just give me a second." She said turning back to him, with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. The gator clown took one glance at Pomni, nodded, and went back the way he came. Returning her gaze back to the performer, Pomni couldn't help but feel like she looked like a kicked puppy. "I... um..."
Ragatha's smile was much more sad, now. "I'm sorry I can't stay... we might come back here in a... few years, maybe?" She offered, cringing with an apologetic expression.
"... ha. Yeah..." Pomni couldn't help but chuckle, despite herself. This was someone she just met. Why did she rush down here, expecting to be whisked away with her forever? As much as she just wanted to elope with this sweet heavenly lady, it wasn't realistic. She had a job, and a shoddy apartment to look after. She sulked. "In a few, I guess.."
Ragatha nodded. "In a few. But, for now," She reached up towards her chest, detaching a big blue button from her outfit; the one over where her heart would be. She offered it to her. "Take a little part of me with you, if you'd like?"
With that, the wonder-filled sparkle returned to her brown eyes as she looked at this gift. Reaching a hand out, she hesitated. "A-are you sure?" Her eyes flicked up to the woman.
The woman just nodded, placing the button in her palm, and enveloping her hands around her own, which made her jump. "This is one of my lucky buttons. I have a good feeling you'll take good care of it for me."
Pomni could barely focus on her words, her nerves fully focused on the bare contact of their hands. But, weirdly enough, it felt good. She didn't flinch away, and she didn't feel a need to itch where their skin touched. It was almost heart-shattering when Ragatha pulled her hands away; she found herself chasing the contact. Christ, what was this woman doing to her? She willed herself to speak, making eye contact. "I... I will." She brought her hand with the gift close to her chest, returning a shy smile. "Thank you so much."
"Rags, c'mon! We gotta go!" Another voice cut through the tense air. The pink-haired contortionist stepped out this time, to their surprise. "Caine's gonna be up my ass again if we don't shmove it."
"O-oh! Sorry, Zooble!" She rushed away from Pomni, who stood there, stupefied. Before rounding the corner, Ragatha had stopped, her expression somber and looking at the floor. She flicked her gaze back to the short brunette, for a second.
And blew her a kiss, with her demeanor turned flirty. With one last wink, she was finally gone.
'...'
'...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-'
Pomni's legs were caught between collapsing and doing a little happy dance. She blew her a kiss! Her! At her! She blinked, her cheeks burning eighty different shades of red down to her neck. Okay, she had to give Ragatha her number now, screw that stuff about not dating! Assuming she didn't already have a partner, or if she was this flirty with a bunch of other people after shows, or- Well, Pomni really just had to ask her, now. Heck, she'd give her everything. Ragatha would have her apartment, her car, her email, her last name-
Once she shook herself out of her stupor, she raced to the hallway. "Wait!"
The hallway was empty.
The whole stadium was empty.
She was alone.
That fire ignited in her, with the absence of the woman who lit it, choked itself out.
"Who am I kidding?" She said aloud, shaking her head. "I'm delusional at this point..."
As she finally made her way to the entrance, a dull ache filled her chest. Walking to the bus stop, she sat down, and took a deep breath. She clutched the button in her hand, ran it over with her thumbs, and twirled it in between her fingers as time passed. No matter how she distracted herself, she couldn't deny one fact:
Ragatha broke her heart, intentionally or not, with the greatest of ease.
And now, Pomni had to go back to her dingy apartment, wait the weekend out in a depressive state, and return to her life. That's exactly what she would do; her mind was made up. That's how it went, after all.
As the bus finally pulled up to the stop, her feet moved on autopilot. Downcast, she put the button in her bag, and pulled out the pamphlet again. She felt a little parasocial, gazing at the paper-crinkled trapeze artist the way she was, but she couldn't help it. What seemed like a five second bus ride came to an end, as she stepped out into the night. She skulked home.
-
Her weekend plans went off without a hitch. When she wasn't sulking, she was cleaning (not that there was much to clean), and when she wasn't cleaning, she was staring at that picture of her in that pamphlet, all the while fiddling with the blue button she had been gifted by the acrobat. In a shrimp-like sit on her mattress, she decided to just reread the pamphlet. As her eyes took in all the information, she decided she was at the point to read the fat paragraph of fine print on the back.
"... & Abel, all rights reserved. For more information regarding the circus, visit ... no insects or arachnids are harmed during ... more informtion regarding needed positions within the circus, visit ..."
Wait. Needed positions?
Could that mean...?
Pomni whipped out her laptop and typed in the URL as quickly as she could. Scrolling to the bottom of the website, she clicked her desired location.
Bingo.
-
The next day was a sluggish, partly cloudy, Sunday morning. Crows cawed, and the morning ambiance of insects filled the silent air. Usually, she'd just lay in bed playing video games on a day like this.
But not today.
From the bus stop, she clutched her résumé in hand, with her heavy backpack threatening to topple her over. Her destination was the railroad tracks. Hopefully, her resignation letter and the letter to her landlord wouldn't go through until Monday if this risky maneuver didn't work, but she hoped with all her heart that it did. She ran as fast as she could manage.
God, she needed to work out more.
With the train carts in sight, she sprinted towards the men outside. It looked like they were almost done packing up. "Hey! Wait!" She called out, and they turned their heads in surprise.
Fully caught up to them, she almost fell on her knees as she caught her breath.
"Uhm, can we help you miss?" Pomni recognized that voice. It was Gummigoo.
"On your website..." She sucked in more air. "You were looking... for... positions filled..."
She was promptly taken to the ringmaster, Caine. Pomni found herself led to a rather fancy train cart, red and checkered, with little golden bees as accents. Gummigoo knocked on the wood. "Hey boss! We maybe got you a rookie!"
A short, eccentric man burst out from the cart. "Why, thank you Gummigoo!" He had teeth almost too big for his mouth. He waved them off. "And what's your name, amazing little applicant?" He blinked, accentuating his eyelashes, with all of his focus on her.
"Uh, I'm Pomni." She offered a hand for him to shake, which he took with vigor. "I'm here to apply for the traveling accountant position you had on your website."
"Why, splendid! Let me just look over your résumé..."
-
[5 years later]
-
"Am I doing this right?" Pomni questioned. Suddenly, it all came down on her. One of the bowling pins almost knocked her out.
Ragatha giggled from beside her. "Well, you're making me laugh, so I'd say yes!"
About a year ago, Pomni had made the poor decision to branch out her skill set at the circus. True to the website, they traveled the world. Sometimes, they'd take planes, cargo trucks, trains, and on occasion, giant cruise ships, to capitalize on all those tourists. The pay was next to nothing, but it was a very small price to pay for a roof over her head, food, water, and more. Sure, she could've taken the remote version of the position, but she wouldn't have been here, now. She had the perfect balance of relaxation and thrill in her life, here. Sitting here, with the woman of her dreams.
Her fiancée, with the stage name Ragatha.
"Well-! You try, if you're so good at it..."
As the redhead got up, she kissed the top of her jester hat. The shorter girl couldn't hold back her smile. With about as much grace as a newborn giraffe, Ragatha juggled the three bowling pins, until they all clattered onto the ground again. Their laughs rang throughout the evening air.
Pomni couldn't be happier.
