#hpod

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Horatio: So... can I ask about the skull in your room?

Hamlet: Sure, which one?

[drakenhert]

Hamlet: I must be cruel only to be kind.

Gertrude: Hamlet, you just MURDERED A MAN.

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Hamlet: Sometimes, I scare myself with my ambition.

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Imagine this:

I plan and write a remarkable speech and submit it to TEDTalk. They accept. I even make a slideshow to go along with this inspirational presentation. The audience is excited as fuck. What will I say? This took years of preparation. There are cameras everywhere. It’s streaming live! I clear my throat to speak. The audience is on the edge of their seats. I pause for dramatic effect. At last I speak, and I say:

“Hamlet was head-over-heels in love with Horatio.”

I bow. I make my exit.

I will not be invited back, but it was worth it.

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Gertrude: So what's your favorite position?

Claudius: Definitely CEO.

Claudius: Monday is my favorite day of the week.

Claudius: Garfield was a fucking bum.

Claudius: I don't believe in donating my money into charity. I believe in donating my money into Tesla stocks.

Horatio: Hey, do you want some gum?

Claudius: No way, I don't believe in handouts, you fucking communist.

Hamlet: I'm gonna slap the fuck out of Claudius.

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Polonius: My daughter keeps talking about 'Mitski'.

Polonius: Who is Mitski? Should I know them? I don't know them.

Polonius: And I know I'm gonna get made fun of because I'm an old geezer who doesn't know who Mitski is.

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We dont talk enough abt the fact that Horatio knows ALLLLLLLL the gossip in Elsinore

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