Recovery part 5
tw: break down
Jeremy sighed, “Michael, you don’t know that.” He grabbed Michaels hand,” just give it a try, I want you to be happy.”
“Thats selfish,” Michael retorted, he didn’t intend to sound rude, but it just came out that why, “its selfish that you want me to be happy. It’s like if I wasn’t your friend, then, then you wouldn't care at all!” He pulled his arm away.
“Thats not what I meant,” Jeremy said facepalming, “A lot of people want you to be happy! A lot of people care about you,” he smiled.
“Why because if I’m sad it makes them sad?” Michael asked, “if I feel anything other than happiness it affects their mood and I shouldn’t be so selfish to ruin their happy mood.”
“Michael, stop it!” Christine said, “you’re thinking too into this, we just want whats best for you, its okay if you’re sad some days, angry some days , or just don’t feel anything some days. We just want you to be you.”
Michael shrugged walking up the stairs and slamming the door. He walked into his parents room and locked the door, he was a burden wasn’t he? He was rude wasn’t he? He did over react at Jeremy being a good person, didn’t he? Fucking hell, why can’t he ever do anything right? Why is it so hard for him to be a good friend?
“I hate myself,” he whispered, “I deserve to die.” He opened a small cardboard box with the initials, A.M. written on it. It was his mothers, Amy Mell. He opened the box and found a note, addressed to him,
“My Dearest Mikey,
This is hard for me to write. It’s harder for you to read. Michael, I’m sorry I’m leaving you to deal with your father alone, I’m sorry, I’m leaving you to deal with life alone, but please do me a favor and never, ever, harm yourself. You are perfect, you are special, you are loved. I know you have atleast one person in your life who cares about you more than you know, whether its a boy, or girl, they love you.
Please do not ever do what I am going to do, I don’t want your fate to be the same as mine, I know you are stronger than I ever will be. This will all end, whether its with me going, or maybe someone will be there to save you, whatever stops this, you are strong. You can overcome this baby, you can do anything I promise.
Michael, I want you to know, this is not your fault. Even if you were 16 years old, knew about this stuff and were able to try to talk me out of this, I cannot go on knowing my son is getting beaten whilst I just watch and act like its no big deal. I was a terrible mother and this is my punishment. I love you so much my son. You were the one thing that kept me alive, but the thoughts just won’t go away. Not even the brightest light can withstand the darkness of space.
You were the brightest light in my life, and for that I love you. My thoughts, my heart, my mind are as dark as space and nothing can brighten it up anymore. I’m sorry, you are best thing to have ever happened to me, I love you Michael.
xoxo,
Momma.”