uhh rambling again!
i fear this whole ordeal of me saying I'm not obsessed with him and then falling back into how I was when I said I had a huge crush on the guy I've been talking about or mentioning throughout my posts, is so silly like so when I indirectly said I had feelings for him back in July(?)-- we stopped talking, back-to-school started, school actually started, my sibling's birthday happened, I gotten a new piercing, and ect.
Now we do talk but like that's only if he sees something on my insta stories or he's just messaging me, I like that we're talking again but I really don't wanna be delusional about him when I know he's very avoidant and will not talk to me if I say smth that breaks the illusion that we have a "normal" friendship, when everyone saw that it wasn't normal but still considered it to be just a online friendship even though chat history & logs say otherwise.
As of recently, I still joke about him wanting me but I have to remind myself it's only a joke and only can be a joke-- he doesn't do long distance relationships, which is understandable. Today, he called me many different nicknames but prior to our most recent convo-- I was looking at how we used to talk before I made the mistake of admitting that I have romantic feelings for him; I just don't know how to feel about him now, I mean there are times where I think it's romantic but it's so muddy that I cant tell and just go with the "I'm FINALLY over him guys, are you proud?"
plus he's aroace, I never had a chance to even start with.