I just finished writing a series on human fragility/relationships and the loss of a very close friendship which really affected me on my tumblr - human-gouges. If you get a chance, would love to get your thoughts on it. Thanks!
I’m terribly sorry for the late response. I finally got the chance to read every bit of it; belief, trust, and caring. All of it was so raw and real. It gave me goosebumps because through your eloquent words, you described the pain I had to recently endure. I find it very brave of you to be able to put your heart out and dissected every ounce of pain, heartache, and confusion you felt or still may be feeling. Although you may feel like all of this reminiscing and pain seems endless, I promise you there will be a day where it’ll get easier. It may not be quick and painless but, progress is progress and as long as you’re progressing, it’s going to all be ok, I promise. You conquered the first step and that’s accepting that at this point, you did all you could. If your friend really wanted you, they know how to find you and they would do anything and everything to get you back. But until you accept the fact that you did nothing wrong then you won’t be able to move on. And when I say move on, I don’t mean to someone else, I mean to a better version of yourself. Because if you’re feeling anything that I felt, you’re not giving yourself the credit you deserve. And once you realize your worth and that you deserve a different and maybe even better type of love, you’ll start loving yourself more. And before you know it, it’ll get easier to see your friend, and to be happy. Days will become weeks and weeks will become months, and you’ll be happy all over again. I’m not saying there won’t be days where there memories won’t be rushing back but don’t let that blind you. Accept that they will be a part of you but don’t let them dictate your happiness. And through those darkest days, go to a friend or go out or just give yourself alone time because we all cope differently and as long as you’re coping, things will get better I promise.