don’t want to sound rude and get crucified by enraged tumblr mob for being a “bigot” (jk I’ll get blackmailed anyways I’m a woman Internet hates women) but every time I get “help my family in Gaza” inboxes I’m getting really, really suspicious about the increasing amounts of accounts with similar requests, nicknames and the tendency for spamming. idk how to look at this critically, but I’m not sure if people in Gaza even bother tagging me personally on tumblr in their situation. needed to say this, sorry.
Janat I am 16 years old from Gaza. From this genocidal war, I live with my mother and my sister in a tent. We have no source of income. We need to buy food and clothes. Winter is coming and we are freezing. The tents are about to be torn apart from the strong wind. Please, I depend on you. Help me Your donation helps buy winter supplies🙏🏻💔
Alien 1: “What do I do with these humans? I can’t watch them forever. I got shit to do.”
Alien 2: “Stick them on a planet and put a bubble around it. They’ll be fine.”
Alien 1: “And what are they gonna do? Just sit there picking their belly buttons? They already do that! And their nose. And everything else. What are they gonna play with?”
Other aliens: “I don’t know. Give them sticks and a sandbox. That always works for Gerald’s kids.”
Aliens: -_- “Gerald only has to babysit a thousand Orkneds on a water moon, and they’re behaving themselves. I got stuck with fifty of these guys when Jim fucked off to the Andromeda galaxy to do the same with their ex for a millennia AND DIDN’T COME BACK. There’s five thousand of them now! I said I’d babysit, not become an 'unexpected parent' trope!”
Alien 2: “And yet here you are.”
Alien 1: “How can I get anything done when every time I turn around -- Hey! Hey, you get that out of your mouth right now! You don’t know where that’s been! ... Don’t look at me like that! Don’t... don’t... I know what you’re doing, and it’s not gonna work.... Stop... stop it... Don’t give me the Tooku pup eyes. .............That’s not fair.” *sigh* “I hate it when they do that. Ok, ok, fine, you can play with it. But keep it out of your mouth. ... And don’t hit anyone with it! ...And don’t shove it up your nose, either! I remember last time! Do you want to go back to Ord Kint and have the doctor remove it? Again? Didn’t think so.” *sighs* “ See what I have to deal with?”
Alien 2: “They are cute, though. Look at that one pack bonding with a rock. Awe, they put a face on it! That’s adorable. Your kids are the only ones that do that, you know.”
Alien 1: -_- .......................... “Yeah. Not helping.”
Alien 2: “Ok. Solutions. How about this; Take that planet with the bubble, give them some blocks to stack, maybe a few magnets, some coloring books, and put an alarm on their moon. If they somehow manage to break the bubble and reach it, you’ll know and can check in on them.”
Alien 1: ............................
Alien 2: Ok, you’re giving me that skeptical face. How about this; put another one a few million miles outside the bubble - say..., on the red planet. It’s still inside the yard. And if they somehow reach that, it’ll set off the alarm, you’ll know, and it’ll give you time to get back to make sure they’re ok.”
Alien 1: “I don’t know. Blocks? They’re pretty inventive. I saw one stick a mushroom on a stick last year, cover it with namai juice, and it glowed in the dark. They had a nightlight for days. Within the year, their entire family lit their personal space with them and learned to grow and harvest both to have a sustainable light source! They figured out that particular mushroom reacted to the namai juice to make it glow. You know why? Because that human’s afraid of the dark. - Actually they're all afraid of the dark, come to think of it - But they figured it out! I didn’t tell them that.”
Alien 2: “O...M...G..... That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard! Make sure the play-pen-planet you pick has bioluminescent life and mushrooms. I want to see what they do.”
Alien 1: “They’re gonna know if I move them.”
Alien 2: “No they won’t. You moved the initial fifty. They didn’t mind.”
Alien 1: “They were traumatized from the place I moved them from. They cried for years.
Alien 2: “They’ve had it better for a millennia. It won’t be that bad.”
Alien 1: “You weren’t there when I moved half of them to the other side of this moon to give them extra space. They freaked out, screamed for decades, and found their way back. They even mapped it so they could go back and forth once they’d calmed down. I’d never seen anything like it.”
Alien 2: “Yikes. Sid’s brood doesn’t even do that. Theirs get lost, say ‘fuck it’ and start a new colony.”
Alien 1: “I don’t know about leaving them alone for too long. What if they miss me?”
Alien 2: “Sure they’ll miss you. They love you. They love you a hell of a lot more than they ever loved Jim. They were terrified of them. Jim was a douche-canoe to them. You actually care.”
Alien 1: “Do not.”
Alien 2: “We’re having this conversation. You made sure this tiny green moon you moved them too wouldn’t have a harsh environment like that crap-hole-dumpster-fire, glorified asteroid Jim had them on. They barely had a bubble there - the absolute minimum for not-dying. And they're one of the few that seriously need one. You gave them an incredible bubble. I mean, it's a work of art. They live longer and heal faster. And this moon is beautiful. They're happy."
Alien 1: "I just wanted them to stop crying so I could get some sleep."
Alien 2: "Plus, you come down here a lot to play with them, like you were when I came to pick you up. We’re standing in this field because you were playing ‘Tag.’”
Alien 1: “I’m still “It.”
Alien 2: “Admit it. You love your kids.”
Alien 1: “Ok, so maybe I do. They grew on me, ok? They can be funny. Like that one who wrote ‘This is very high’ at the top of a cave. Or that one who got in a shadow boxing fight. With their own shadow. And lost.”
Alien 2: “Oh, please tell me you recorded that.”
Alien 1: “Oh yeah. Got the whole thing.”
Alien 2: “Show.” .... “Haha! Look at ‘em go! Play it again.” .... “Hahaha! I’m sending this to Sid.”
Alien 1: “I just worry about them, you know? They can do some really stupid shit. I mean ‘break the gene pool’ level of dumbassary. I once saw one of them try to fly by jumping off a cliff.”
Alien 2: "Did they make it?"
Alien 1: "...Humans can't fly. I had to intervene."
Alien 2: ”Ah. Right. Mine can. So you’ve got a few morons in the mix. Who doesn’t? One of mine thought they could breathe under water."
Alien 1: “What if they do make it to the red planet? It’s bubbleless. They’ll have a rough time. They’ve never been in a part of the yard like that before. Plus once they do see that part of the yard, they’re going to want to see the rest of it. They're curious. They won’t go back to their bubble.”
Alien: 2 “They can’t survive in the rest of the yard. They’re too fragile.”
Alien 1: “You underestimate the stubbornness of my idiots. They don’t care. If they think there's a chance to do something, they'll try. Remember Cliff Guy?”
Alien 2: “So show up, make sure they’re not going to kill themselves, and help them with a bubble if they want it. Don’t worry. They're tough kids. You’re only gonna be gone a few thousand years, right?”
Alien 1: “Yeah. Ok. ...But I’m installing a spy cam so I can check on them whenever I want.”
Alien 2: “Fair enough. Just remember to enjoy your vacation. Trust them. Relax and don’t stress. Now say good-bye and let’s go. I left the engine running.”
Alien 1: “What about moving them?”
Alien 2: “Move them when they’re asleep. I’ll give you a hand.”
Alien 1: “Thanks.”
Alien 2: “Maybe I’ll bring mine over.
Alien 1: “Ah... just be careful if you do. Mine scare easily. Kind of a side effect of surviving Jim - even the new ones who didn't experience that are skittish--"
Alien 2: "--genetic memory--
Alien 1: "--Why do you think I look like them? Anything else and they'd pee their pants running for the hills. I don't want that. Gerald brought a group of his over once, and mine hid underground for five years. They wouldn’t go near the ocean and made up stories of sea monsters after that. I had to convince them it was safe."
Alien 2: *snerk* Ok. I have humanoids. They look enough alike on the outside to humans. Just a small play date?”
Alien 1: “Ok. Just a small one. Oh! Hang on. I forgot something. .......................................................................... (Tag! You’re 'It!')............... Ok, now we can go.”
Alien 2: “...?”
Alien 1: “What? I couldn’t leave as 'It.' The game would be stalled for generations.” ........................... “Are you sure they’ll be ok?”
Alien 2: "Yes."
Alien 1: "What if they think I'm doing the same thing Jim did? Got tired of them and left?"
Alien 2: “Ok, for one: shut up. For two: You are LIGHTYEARS away from Jim. Jim neglected, abused, and abandoned them. You don't. Did you know Jim started out with two hundred? Fifty were all that were left. After 20 years."
Alien 1: "... I...didn't know that... Wow... Now a lot of what they do makes sense. Three quarters of them didn't make it. What an absolute unit of a bastard!"
Alien 2: "Humanity wouldn't be around if Jim hadn't wanted to 'rekindle the fire' with their ex. ... Actually... how did you get their humans anyway?"
Alien 1: "Their mail got delivered to me by accident, so I dropped by to give it to them, saw them with packed bags heading out, asked me to watch the humans as an 'oh yeah!' after thought like they forgot they existed, dropped a bag of stale food and a water bottle in my hands, took off before I could answer, and Boom! I'm the proud owner of fifty traumatized humans."
Alien 2: "Ah. So that's why they stayed with you until you could find a suitable moon."
Alien 1: "Yeah. They needed the safest space in the galaxy after the way Jim treated them. I didn't want that responsibility, but I couldn't leave them there alone. That place was awful. I wouldn't want to stay there. Their bubble was so thin it tore when I touched it. It barely protected them from radiation, the temperature was either way too hot, or way too cold, and hardly had any air they could breathe. They were all hiding, sick, half dead, or injured. They were terrified of everything. They had isolated themselves to one area, because Jim had put thrown them in with arakions - to save space, I guess."
Alien 2: "...They put humans on an asteroid with arakions?! Those things are vicious ankle biters! They can survive in vacuum!"
Alien 1: "Yeah. I know we're supposed to look out for all life, but Euch! Those things are nightmare fuel."
Alien 2: "Go figure Jim would be the only one to keep those. Fits them, really."
Alien 1: "I took one look at that asteroid said 'Oh, hell no,' packed the humans up in a to-go bubble and left. I didn’t have time to be stealthy about it. I called Jim to let them know the humans were staying with me, got no answer, and a millennia later, like you said, here I am."
Alien 2: "Leaving them to you was the smartest move that shrimp-brain ever made."
Alien 1: “How did that shrimp brain even get custody of this new species?! Arakions I get. Those basically take care of themselves. They're like houseplants with multiple legs. But humans? They should have gone to someone advanced, like you or Sid! Defiantly not me! I wasn't ready for this! After I had these guys for one day, I figured out they needed an insane amount of care before becoming as self sufficient as they are now. Even now it's questionable. -- Hey! Don't touch that! It's fire! Yeah, ok, now you burned your hand. Good job. Go to the creek and get some moss." *sigh* "Excuse me." ... "Ok, back. They're fine. Now where were we?"
Alien 2: "Shrimp Brain getting his greasy hands on one of the most fragile species in the galaxy."
Alien 1: "There's no way anyone sane would let that happen. They had to have stolen them."
Alien 2: “No clue. Jim couldn’t even foster a rock garden let alone new sentient life.. They overheated it and it turned into a sun."
Alien 1: "You know, my kids have stories of an ultimate evil."
Alien 2: "Jim."
Alien 1: "I thought they only had fifty to start, which is why I was mad. Not two hundred. If I had known... That's it. If that Shrimp Brain ever sets foot in our yard again, restrain them and call me. Don't let them near my kids."
Alien 2: "On it. I'll get Sid and Gerald involved. And maybe a couple others...if I can bribe them."
Alien 1: "Do you think they'll ever be ready to play with the other kids?"
Alien 2: "Sure. In their own time. Just...not the arakions. It might set them back. They have the most tragic beginning I've ever heard. Sad, really. From what I've seen, they go out of their way to care for things. Like that one over there and their pet rock. Oh my gosh, they gave it a little hat! Ok, I'm officially dead from cute. I like that one. Specifically that one."
Alien 1: "That one has no sense of direction. They get lost in an open field."
Alien 2: "Awe, that's adorable."
Alien 1: "It is until they sit in the middle of said field crying and you have to walk them home."
Alien 2: "I can deal with that."
Alien 1: "I should cancel my vacation. I really don't think leaving is a good idea now."
Alien 2: "You need this. The luggage under your eyes has luggage. Look. You’re not abandoning them. You’re just taking a break. Trust me. Planets have tons of space. They’ll have so much to do, they won’t even know you’re gone.”
Alien 1: “Keep an eye on them for me?”
Alien 2: “Absolutely. After that mushroom story, I want to see what what else they do."
Alien 1: "They have an insane capacity for love, but they can have raging temper tantrums. Look out for that."
Alien 2: "Got it."
Alien 1: “I miss them already.”
Alien 2: "They’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?”
~~~~
Several Thousand Years Later...
NASA: wE’rE GoInG To mArS!
NASA: *lip quiver* we lost our rover....... we're not ok. *sniffle cry sob!* Ok; new plan.
it’s been like so long holy crap guys but i’ve been rewatching vampire diaries with my boyfriend & the muse is starting to come back like NO LIE
i miss my friends on here and all your lovely faces and i’m more than ready to comeback and fuck it up!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
i’ve gotta a lot of cleaning to do on here , but hope you guys haven’t forgotten about me and my old klaus here he will probably be making a comeback to you :,)
